Sex can be about testing your vocal cords and really ensuring that your partner knows you’re having a good time. But, more often than not, that kind of sex is a little dramatic and a lot unrealistic—especially if you’ve got a roommate…or neighbors.
That’s where silent sex comes in. While at first that might sound awkward to you (sex with no music or talking or moaning?!), silent sex is actually incredibly hot and one of the best ways to connect with your partner.
“Silent sex is some of the sexiest sex people can have and I’m often recommending it to my clients,” says Holly Richmond, Ph.D., somatic psychologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist. “What makes it sexy? The eye contact, the body language, and the somatic cues that help communicate what we want and what turns us on.”
Silent sex is like sharing a secret with your partner: It’s hidden, it’s a little taboo, and that’s part of what makes it such a turn on. “Frankly, it’s being naughty,” Richmond continues. “Especially if you’re trying to hide it from a roommate or keep it quiet in your parents’ house if you’re visiting. It’s bonding for the couple. It’s something you do as a team.”
It’s pretty easy to have silent sex, so long as you pick positions that avoid hard thrusting or bouncing. These are the best silent sex positions for maximum pleasure at minimum volume.
(Note: While many of these directions reference “you” as the receiving partner, these positions can be assumed by just about anyone.)
How to do it: Lie on your sides with your back to your partner. Angle your knee up to create an opening for your partner to enter you from behind.
Why it works: This position leaves your partner’s hands free to touch your erogenous zones, like your neck, breasts, and clitoris, says Richmond. You can also use your hand to massage yourself, which will really turn both of you on.
How to do it: Have your partner sit against the wall or headboard with legs outstretched. Straddle their legs and slowly lower yourself down, keeping your feet flat on the bed (floor…counter…get creative).
Why it works: With this move, there’s minimal thrusting, more bobbing up and down, plus lots of eye contact so you can concentrate on keeping things quiet, says Ian Kerner, Ph.D., author of She Comes First.
How to do it: Have your partner lie on their back while you straddle them with your knees on either side of their legs.
Why it works: This involves a slow, rocking motion with using his chest for leverage. Richmond says that this is a great position for eye contact and for giving your partner access to your clit and breasts.
How to do it: While in the missionary position, roll over to your sides. Use your arms to support your upper bodies.
Why it works: This is all about the slow thrust, which is far more quiet than hard thrusting (and more intimate, as well). With your faces so close to each other, it allows for deeper intimacy, kissing, and getting close to the erogenous zones on the neck and ear lobes.
How to do it: Have your partner stand on the floor while you get on hands and knees at the edge of the bed. This allows your partner to control the rocking of the bed by staying firmly planted on the floor and slowly thrusting from behind.
Why it works: It hits all the pleasure points as doggy style (deep penetration, ideal angle for G-spot stimulation, the works), but on a much quieter level.
How to do it: Have your partner kneel on their knees as you straddle them on top. Use their shoulders for balance.
Why it works: No intense thrusting, no problem, says Kerner. It also adds intimacy as your partner can whisper dirty thoughts into your ear—you’ll hear, but no one else will.
How to do it: Begin standing, facing each other. Straddle your partner, wrapping your legs around their body. Then have your partner support you using their arms.
Why it works: If you’re up for the challenge, you will definitely be rewarded with this super sexy (and silent) position. He can use the wall for support for deeper penetration. Plus, it’s such an intense position that to do it while trying to stay silent is incredibly sexy and a great bonding experience.
How to do it: While your partner is sitting down, you sit in their lap, facing them.
Why it works: Minimal noise, maximum friction, says Kerner. Your partner can get deep, while your clit is stimulated on their stomach. Your S.O.’s mouth is also free for kissing you from the chest up.
How to do it: Lie back while your partner is on top of you. Lift or prop up a leg for easier access.
Why it works: Grinding so close to each other with minimal thrusting isn’t loud at all, says Kerner. Also, this one is prime if mouth-covering becomes necessary
How to do it: Your partner sits cross-legged, then you sit on their lap, facing them. Next, wrap your legs around your partner’s back, pull each other closer, and rock back and forth.
Why it works: With your legs and arms wrapped around one another, you can look each other in the eye as you climax, says Kerner. Despite the silence, you’ll know exactly how much your partner is enjoying it.