Sadly, there’s a lot of unreliable information out there. According to Planned Parenthood, only 13 states in the United States require that sex education be medically accurate, and 26 states don’t mandate sex education at all — which leaves it up to individual school districts to decide what to teach. And even when the facts are correct, sex education almost never includes a discussion about how to have a pleasurable sex life, especially for LGBTQIA+ folks. Only nine states require that discussion of sexual orientation be inclusive. Instead, people are left to their own devices to figure out what feels good — and sexuality (especially for women) can be exceedingly complex and varied.

That’s why Dr. Holly Richmond, Certified Sex Therapist and LMFT, has partnered with sexual wellness brand K-Y to help women have more fulfilling and pleasurable sexual experiences. I spoke to Richmond about the most common misconceptions about female sexual pleasure, and what you should know about how female sexuality really works. As it turns out, there are plenty of ways to have an amazing sex life on your own or with a partner — it all comes down to arming yourself with accurate information. Knowledge is power.

Read on to learn five major myths about women and sex.

1. Women Don’t (or Shouldn’t) Masturbate

One of the most common misconceptions Richmond hears is that masturbation is pleasurable for men, but not for women. This has a lot to do with social stigma around self-pleasure. “Women absolutely do masturbate and always have, though I believe with more language around sex positivity and healthy sex for women, the percentage of women and female adolescents masturbating is increasing,” Richmond tells Elite Daily.

A 2019 study by sex toy manufacturer TENGA found that 78% of U.S. women have masturbated, starting at an average age of 15.8 years old — so obviously, it’s not just an activity for men. Solo sexy time is one of the best ways to learn what you like in the bedroom. “If you don’t know what feels good, experiment,” Richmond encourages. “Get curious with your body and your mind.” If you want to learn to masturbate but aren’t sure where to start, check out this guide to get you started.

2. Women Don’t Want Sex as Often or as Much as Men Do

Richmond says she often gets questions about whether women’s libidos are lower than men’s (they aren’t). “Women wanting sex just for pleasure’s sake — not for reproduction — is still not perceived as normally as it is for adolescent boys and men,” she explains. It’s perfectly normal to want sex every day, and it’s also fine to want it once per week or even less. Your sex drive will ebb and flow, depending on your stress levels, your hormone levels, and even your sleep. Everyone is different, and your libido has more to do with your own life than anyone else’s.

It’s also important to note that some bodies take longer than others to become fully aroused during sex, and that’s OK. Richmond says people with vaginas take around 20 minutes to achieve full arousal, which is why foreplay is super important for a satisfying sexual experience. The research on sexual arousal is mixed — one 2006 study found that people with vaginas and people with penises both reach peak arousal in 10 minutes, while other experts have said it takes longer for people with vaginas to become fully aroused.

Everyone’s body is different, and you should never feel like you’re taking too long to be fully turned on. “Believe that you are worth the pleasure you are receiving, that you are not taking too long, and that your pleasure is equally as important as your partner’s,” Richmond affirms. Take your time and experiment with erogenous zones in different parts of your body — Richmond says the ears, feet, scalp, and stomach can all be hot spots for pleasure. The more you know about your body, the more you’ll be able to fully enjoy every moment of sex.