Turns out, training yourself to become multi-orgasmic is totally doable—in theory. “Sexual-health medical doctors report that most, if not all, women can achieve multiple orgasms, from a biological standpoint,” says sex therapist Denise Renye, Psy.D.. That’s because people with vaginas have a shorter “refractory” period than people with penises, meaning that it’s easier to have more than one orgasm in sequence without a necessary cool-down period. That settled it: I was going on a month-long quest to train myself to be reliably multi-orgasmic.

Will being able to have multiple orgasms pretty much whenever I wanted make sex with myself and others even better? I mean, I assumed so. But there was also a moralistic reason for the journey I was about to undertake. In an era where the news keeps us up at night and our social media timelines are endlessly scrolling pits of horror, it’s crucial to find healthy ways of coping. Some scientists suggest that female orgasms incentivize procreation, but I’d like to posit that they’re also a survival mechanism. They exist to remind us of the things we have to look forward to, and of the good in the world. Which is why, in times like these, being able to have multiple orgasms seemed especially called for.

Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., author of Becoming Cliterate: Why Orgasm Equality Matters—And How To Get It, defines multiple orgasms as the ability to have more than one orgasm without losing your arousal completely in between (though she notes that people should be able to use whatever definition of the term suits them). I decided to adopt that definition myself for the sake of this exercise, and for a month I tried every technique I could find for theoretically inducing multiple orgasms.

Here’s how it went:

Week One: Vibrators And Porn

“A vibrator is a good plan of action during solo sex,” said somatic sex therapistHolly Richmond, Ph.D., when I asked her how best I could become multi-orgasmic. “Or have your partner use it on you.”

And since I’m both single and a vibrator enthusiast, I figured this was the best way to go. I firmly believe that enjoying porn does not make you a bad feminist, so I turned on the hottest consensual gangbang video I could find and used my pink Doc Johnson warming iWand vibrator.

Once I had an orgasm, though, rather than quickly shutting my laptop and pretending the whole thing never happened, I continued to watch this delightful film and maintain the warm vibrating pressure on my clitoris. Like a wave, my first orgasm gave way to a second. Mission accomplished! Maybe the key for me was that, in the future, I just had to keep going rather than tucker out after one like I usually did. Easy peasy.

But still, I had to go further.

Week Two: Relax And Breathe

I’m prone to anxiety, so it takes an effort to clear my mind. Meds calm me down, but I know they can be habit-forming, so I turn to meditation and masturbation when I can instead. Tantric sex and relationship expert Tatiana Dellepiane told me about a technique she calls the Bliss Breath. “You want to inhale, constricting the back of your throat [to create] a whispering sound, then exhale and release that sound again,” she said. Repeat as necessary.

While masturbating with a different vibrator, the Satisfyer Pro 2—a toy that moves air around the clitoris rather than vibrating directly on it—I had one orgasm. This round, rather than porn, I tried simply fantasizing about sex with someone I care about. Once again I continued to use the toy, but this time I combined it with the Bliss Breath technique, releasing any tension with my exhale. “The Bliss Breath helps ground you in your body and keep you out of your head,” says Dellepiane. “If you focus on the whispering sound, it takes you away from thinking. It also helps spread this orgasmic energy throughout your body.”

This time, during my second orgasm, the wave was real: I ended up squirting, which is rare for me! And there was no thinking necessary.

Week Three: Weed Lube And No Toys

I’m down with any excuse to incorporate weed into my sex life, so I asked Ashley Manta, the “CannaSexual” cannabis and sex educator, if she thought marijuana could help me achieve multiple orgasms. She told me that she is personally multi-orgasmic and that weed lube—typically coconut oil infused with cannabis—helped her get there. “My clit was historically a ‘one or two orgasms and done’ situation,” she said. “With the addition of cannabis oil, [I’m] down to take more stimulation.” (Damn, and I thought having two made me multi-orgasmic.)

I decided to give some Foria Pleasure Spray a try. Since I was already using my hands to spray it on, I decided to go manual for this round. Typically, I really like using products like Foria in my masturbation routine, since adding cannabis oil to solo sex makes it more of a ritual, and it feels quite glam to have a stoned vagina (though THC topicals will only get you high if you ingest them orally). Plus, I’ve had insanely dope Foria-induced orgasms before.

This time, however, I did not fully climax. I blamed my exhausting day for ruining the mood. Plus, I was starting to worry that I had ruined my clitoris with vibrators. Fortunately, Dr. Richmond says that while it can’t hurt to shake up your masturbation routine, vibrators will not permanently ruin your ability to orgasm. Maybe this week I just needed sleep and cuddles.

Week Four: Exercise And Horror Films

According to Dr. Mintz, while taking your heart rate down a notch through relaxation exercises like bubble baths or deep breathing can help some people increase their climaxes, others actually need to take it up a notch: “For some women, the opposite of relaxing is what’s helpful,” she said. “It’s getting more blood flow, like going for a run, or watching a scary movie even.”

So after I finished work, I decided to put on one of my personal favorite horror movies of all time, The Shining. What I didn’t really think about, though, is how this particular flick is more slow-burn than jump-scare. Also, Jack Nicholson comes after his wife with an axe and shit—not content that makes me want to masturbate.

When that was failing, I turned off the television and walked up the street to my gym. I did a hard 30 minutes of cardio while listening to music, and the exercise endorphins coupled with the dulcet tones of Rihanna made me feel really good about myself. Still sweaty, I ran back to my apartment, put on some David Bowie to keep the good feelings, washed my hands, and went to town on myself. After I orgasmed, I kept going, just as I learned in week one. Sure enough, the fabulousness I was feeling about myself resulted in another climax. Exercise FTW.

The Results

So my mission was an overall success. By making a concerted effort to continue trying to orgasm after I already have—and by utilizing the Bliss Breath technique—it turns out I could be multi-orgasmic on the reg. But what I realized in attempting to become an orgasm machine is that maybe, at this point in my life, orgasms shouldn’t be the overarching goal of my sexual experiences. Sure, multiple orgasms are amazing, but the ending isn’t the only thing worth pursuing—even people with anorgasmia, or the inability to have an orgasm, can still have totally fulfilling sex lives.

“The bottom line is there is no wrong way to orgasm,” says Dr. Renye. “Having a goal in sex is not the point. The journey is where it’s at.”

From that perspective, my journey was a very pleasurable one indeed.

By Sophie Saint Thomas

“Besides seeing it in porn and thinking it to be the norm, some men do it to exhibit power, to control the sex, to orgasm rapidly, to appear more manly, because it’s all they know, or perhaps because they assume it’s what women want,” confirms Eric Marlowe Garrison, clinical and forensic sexologist and author of Mastering Multiple Position Sex. But the pleasure per pound ratio was not created equal. “Quick thrusting will bring most men to orgasm due to the friction, however it is unlikely to bring women to orgasm for several reasons: lack of clitoral stimulation, increased chances of hitting her cervix (ouch) and causing vaginal lubrication to dry up more quickly, making it painful,” explains certified sex therapist, Kristen Lilla.

So, when asking him to slow down falls on deaf ears, here’s the stealth take to switch off his sexual sprint mode.

Go on top

According to Lilla, it’s the position with greatest female-focused speed control. “You control the rhythm, pace and depth of your partner,” she explains – alongside your pleasure. “Position your body forwards for clitoral stimulation. Lean back to use your fingers or a vibrator to stimulate your clitoris.”

Shake up his solo style

Bringing up his, er, intimate handshake might not be second-date banter – but there’s good reason to be curious. Lilla sees a strong correlation between a “very rigid masturbation routine” (think: death grip) and having to jackhammer in order to come. “A lot of men are also unable to orgasm from oral sex, because while it feels good, there is not enough tightness. I encourage men to change their masturbation routine so their body doesn’t become used to doing just one thing. For example, changing positions (not just laying on his back), using lubricant, and focusing on the sensations in his body rather than a porn video in the background.”

Up the eye contact

Pleasure isn’t only about your bits-to-bits contact. It’s easier to get your point across when your eyes are involved, too. “When two people make and hold direct eye contact it’s hard to ignore what they are saying, much less what they are doing,” says Dr Holly Richmond, a somatic psychologist and sex therapist. “Eye contact is a tantric principle, meaning ‘the weave’. It brings you and your partner together, so he will hear you – rather than just listen – and settle into a (slower) rhythm that feels best for you.”

Use the three-step tease

This is based on a technique called ‘edging’ – where you bring each other to the edge of coming, then stop. (OK, some might call it torture). But it plays on the whole ‘good things come (literally!) to those who wait’ idea. “Manually bring him to the brink, then stop – three times – until you graciously offer him relief. Then, as fair turnaround, get him to do the same to your clitoris. You can demo a great tension-building tease, teaching and telling him what it reallytakes for you to orgasm,” suggests certified sex therapist Laurie Watson, host of the Foreplay Radio Sex Therapy podcast.

Talk (sexy) specifics

Of all the brakes that clinical sexologist Dr Martha Lee has tried to apply, weirdly, a mathematical approach gets the sexiest results. “Sorry to say, but creatures of habit will just navigate/flip the woman to the position that he is most used to regardless,” she admits, “so I teach clients is to give specifics. State your request – ‘You know, I really like it when sex is slow and sensual’ – then give exact figures – ‘How about reducing your speed 50%?’ Use numbers, percentages and scales of 1 to 10,” she urges. Who doesn’t love the thrill of hitting a target – even if the speed is more Prius than Porsche?

By Gemma Askham

Sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D, pioneered the virtual reality adult film industry last year with Virtual Sexology, which is erotic virtual reality aimed toward helping men control and prolong their orgasms — making them last longer in bed. The film is porn company BaDoink VR’s most downloaded virtual reality film out of over 500 films.

Now, Richmond is steering her Virtual Sexology sights on women, a demographic largely ignored by adult film companies, putting them at the center of sexy, virtual videos. Read on to discover how Richmond and virtual reality can help you achieve a better orgasm.

VR is a more intimate way to explore

Richmond says that her second wave of VR porn is different because it focuses on the needs and fantasies of women, allowing them to explore their own kinks in an exclusive, safe space.

“Women have desires that need to be explored and these videos are a way for them to experiment and enjoy themselves — it’s a more intimate experience,” she told Forbes.

This sequel to the original Virtual Sexology flips the script on its head, focusing on the woman’s pleasure only — and a realistic version of it, at that.

The on-screen experiences are authentic

One virtual reality adult film company, Yanks VR, prides itself on producing videos that are all real sex — which means all the orgasms you see are authentic. And the women in the videos are more diverse in body type, skin color and tattoos than you’d typically find elsewhere.

Lily Campbell, the director and producer for Yanks VR, directs videos in a manner that’s aesthetically pleasing to women, avoiding everything from plot lines to camera angles that are typically tailored to the male viewer. While Yanks isn’t designed exclusively for women (it’s designed to appeal to everyone), its focus on authentic female pleasure is certainly a welcome idea for the ever-growing female adult film audience.

More and more women are watching VR erotica

Just like the overall adult film industry, women are the minority in the virtual reality erotica business — but that demographic is steadily growing.

“This is the year of women and VR porn,” says BaDoink VR director Dinorah Hernandez. “Most of our videos are made for men 18-30, but women are starting to be more open about their sexual fantasies — and VR — and this explores that.”

The growing female demand means that production companies will start to produce even more female-centered content, with more women running the show behind the scenes as well.

Just take it from Katie Morgan, a Virtual Sexology II actress. “Normally, I run to shower after a shoot. But I don’t feel dirty now, I feel satisfied.”