By Gabrielle Ulubay

By Sophie Saint Thomas

Even though we’re all adults capable of having mature and informed conversations about sex, the G-spot remains a mystery that no one seems to understand completely. It’s like Stonehenge: How did it get there, and what purpose does it serve? Though I actively choose to believe that aliens are responsible for Stonehenge, when it comes to the G-spot, there’s a little bit more research we can tap into.

Here, I debunk seven of the most commonly-heard myths about the G-spot and replace them with facts. Of course, some mysteries remain, but the more we understand, the more study can be done in support of finding out the answers.

MYTH: “The G-spot isn’t real.”

Here’s what we know: The G-spot is very real and located on the anterior wall of the vagina, usually about an inch or two inside the vaginal canal. “It will feel rich, almost like the top of your mouth, just a little bit bumpy,” says Holly Richmond, PhD., somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. She elaborates that it’s usually about the size of a dime or your pinkie finger.

Now, because all bodies are different, yours may vary in shape or location. But you’ll likely know when you’ve found it because it feels spongier than the rest of the vagina, and putting pressure on it can make you feel like you have to pee. Dr. Richmond’s advice for finding yours? “Set yourself up in a place where you’re comfortable, relax, and just take your time with it.”

MYTH: “Masturbation is the only way to find your G-spot.”

Masturbation, in general, is probably the best (and the safest) way to learn about your own anatomy. After all, there’s no worrying about STIs or what another person is thinking. It’s just you, your hands, and your body (plus a sex toy or two, if you please). In that way, yes, solo play is a fantastic way to find your G-spot and learn what it does for you.

That said, everyone is different, and while I’ll root for masturbation all day, sometimes people enjoy internal stimulation better when it’s at the hands of a partner. And that’s cool, too. “Some people with vulvas find that it’s more challenging to stimulate their own G-spot than it is to have someone else stimulate it,” says sex-positive psychologist Liz Powell, Psy.D. According to Dr. Powell, it’s easier to find your G-spot while aroused, as the area swells and becomes more prominent. Foreplay with someone you’re into may be more of a turn-on than going in solo with the express purpose of finding your G-spot. If you’re exploring on your own, I recommend reading erotica, watching porn, or fantasizing, and proceed as if G-spot exploration is just another part of your masturbation routine.

MYTH: “There’s one particular way to stimulate the G-spot.”

My magic trick for experiencing G-spot pleasure is to have a partner take two fingers and massage the inside of my vagina with a “come hither” motion, but that’s just me. For others, it may be a rabbit vibrator. Some people prefer their own hands. In fact, there is no one-size-fits-all G-spot trick. Fortunately, you could have a great time finding one that works for you.

MYTH: “G-spot stimulation is entirely different than clitoris stimulation.”

For a long time, whenever someone talked about the G-spot or G-spot orgasms, it was in a context that kept the G-spot and the clitoris separate. But the pair are actually two great erogenous zones that go great together. New research suggests that the clitoris is a much larger structure than just the little bump at the top of the vulva. In fact, it has legs that extend beyond the hood and down towards the vaginal opening. That means that the G-spot is, in fact, the internal clitoris.

Unfortunately, as with all areas of sexual health (and especially those pertaining to vaginas), more research is needed to understand the G-spot and its relation to the clit. “We know a lot about penises, and how penises work,” Dr. Powell says. “All of the sexual functioning and sexual pleasure for people with vaginas needs a lot more research.”

So the bad news is that the medical research community is, like a lot of society, patriarchal and neglectful of women’s needs. The good news? Regardless of whether the G-spot is part of the clit or something completely separate, you’re allowed to enjoy whatever kind of stimulations give you pleasure.

MYTH: “Squirting is just pee.”

Whether the fluid that comes out in an orgasmic squirt is or is not pee very well may be the biggest controversy within the sexual health community. Research exists that suggests it’s not pee, but rather fluid from the Skene’s glands that contains some pee because it’s excreted from the urethra. As a result, some sex educators will argue that squirt is not pee until the day they die. However, other research says, yup, it’s probably pee.

Controversial statement: As a person with a vagina who squirts, I don’t care if it’s pee or not. It’s dope, and I only date partners who agree. A little pee never hurt anyone and, as with the clitoral debate, more research is needed.

MYTH: “G-spot stimulation is the only way to experience squirting.”

While squirting is most associated with G-spot stimulation, that’s not the only way to achieve it. Some people with vulvas can in fact squirt from intense clitoral stimulation. “It’s rarer that people squirt from clitoral stimulation than internal, but it happens,” Dr. Powell says. This information goes to show that the G-spot may indeed be an extension of the clitoris, but the scientific community should still hand over the research grant money.

MYTH: “All people with vaginas can enjoy G-spot pleasure.”

Just as there is no trick to finding and enjoying G-spot pleasure, there’s no wrong or right way to enjoy the pleasure once you’ve found it. You may love the feeling of G-spot stimulation and it could change the way you have sex. Or you may experience little to no G-spot enjoyment. Or perhaps you’ll squirt for the first time and keep that move in your back pocket the next time you want to impress a date. “If you don’t like G-spot stimulation, that’s great; if you do like G-spot stimulation, that’s great. If it’s somewhere in the middle, that’s great too,” says Dr. Powell. Different strokes for different folks. Literally.

By Sophie Saint Thomas

You know Venus, the Roman goddess of love, beauty, sex, and abundance? She’s a personal favorite of mine, and I realized the best way to pay homage to her would be to not only have orgasms, but have multiple orgasms. (Abundance, after all.) Though it seems practically mythological, experts I spoke with explained that it’s possible to actually train yourself to become multi-orgasmic. And guess what? When I followed their advice, I was able to achieve orgasm after orgasm—and I’m pretty sure that anyone with a clitoris can get there, too.

It turns out that, although penises tend to have a “refractory period” (or, time necessary between orgasms), vaginas are uniquely suited to coming more than once. “Because there is more surface area on a vulva and inside a vagina, there’s more ability for multiple orgasms,” says clinical psychologist and certified sexologist Denise Renye, Ph.D. “Once the first orgasm is enjoyed, switching up pressure and exact location [of stimulation] can allow for more orgasms to follow. For people with penises, there’s less availability for more than one orgasm in a pleasure session.”

Of course, there are also a variety of common reasons—from medications to past sexual trauma to health conditions—that make it difficult for some people with vaginas to achieve orgasm. If this applies to you (and I’ve certainly gone through periods in which it applied to me), fear not: You’re not broken and there’s nothing wrong with you. In fact, you can still enjoy touch and pleasure even if you don’t come, because getting to know your body through self-touch can be a beautiful and healing experience.

With that in mind, here’s everything you need to know about how to tap into your own multi-orgasmic power. It’s what Venus would want.

Find out what orgasms feel like to you.

As stated above, vaginas don’t require “cool-down” time between sessions the way penises do: Not only can they enjoy sexual touch sooner, they can have one orgasm right after another. But what exactly counts as having multiple orgasms? Is it more like three orgasms a day or one super long one?

“Multiple orgasms can be understood as each time the body builds up pleasure and builds up pleasure to then have a grand finale of pleasure,” says Dr. Renye. “Though the level of pleasure as an orgasm goes on may vary from person to person.”

Personally, I consider an experience to be multi-orgasmic if I climax, and then with continued stimulation, climax again without a long break in between. However, much like the words you use to describe your identity, gender, and sexuality, you ultimately choose what it means for your body to be multi-orgasmic. To my knowledge, there’s no official definition of “multiple orgasms,” it’s just what it feels like to you.

“If you’re looking at your watch, you’re doing it wrong,” says somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D. “I want everyone to have orgasms, but as soon as that becomes the goal we’re almost taking away from the concept of pleasure, right?”

Yes, multiple orgasms are about the journey, not the destination—although I shall not downplay how dope that destination is.

Try to have multiple orgasms through masturbation before you try with a partner.

Regardless of your relationship status, masturbation tends to be the best way to learn what kind of stimulation you need in order to achieve multiple orgasms. “It’s essential,” Dr. Richmond says. It makes sense: With masturbation, you get to control the experience, free of expectation and with only your own pleasure in mind. Though your partner probably means well, nothing tends to kill a building orgasm like your someone popping up between your legs and asking, “Did you come yet?” (Bless their hearts.)

Plus, in my experience, my vibrator and my hands are better at making me come than a partner’s touch, simply because I know my body the best.

The first step to becoming multi-orgasmic—and how I eventually achieved it—is to masturbate as much as possible.

Practice, practice, practice.

This is the simplest recipe for multiple orgasms: Apply continued physical stimulation—such as by hand or vibrator—coupled with continued arousal.

For me, that meant watching porn (here’s a list of some great feminist porn sites) while using my Hitachi wand. After I came once, I kept the porn on and the wand against my clitoris until I came again. When I finally finished, I allowed myself to rejoice in my post-orgasmic afterglow.

Since then, I’ve had multiple orgasms through other means, including my hands and various sex toys. Sometimes, rather than watch porn, I’ll just imagine my filthiest fantasies. The thing is, once you find what works for you, multiple orgasms can become a normal part of your sex life. That’s because, as Dr. Richmond says, your body learns from the first experience. “The pelvic floor is trainable just like biceps are trainable,” she says. “There’s muscle memory. The more you practice, the better you’ll get.”

Introduce your training into partner play.

If you’re in a relationship or enjoying casual partnered sex with someone, try communicating openly and honestly about what it would take to get you to achieve multiple orgasms with them. Better yet? Give them a hot demo about how you give them to yourself, so that they may learn from your masterful techniques. It’s totally normal if they can’t make it happen for you right away, but even just showing a partner how you give yourself multiple orgasms can be erotic and intimate.

But first, spend some time alone and learn what works for you. You come first.