By Melanie Whyte

This coming year, look to other healthy milestones that will help you feel strong and balancedin your life, no scale needed.

Be Active, but Do It For Fun

Find an activity that you love to do, and make it your mental release rather than a means to drop pounds. “You’re more likely to stick with what you love because your mindset is in a positive place beforehand, and your endorphins will guide you throughout,” said Macie Crumb, certified trainer and yoga instructor at Studio Three in Chicago. This could be a hike with friends, a dance class, or yoga. “You’ll also reap the feel-good benefits of endorphins and won’t hyperfocus on the scale’s number or the number of calories burned,” she said.

Take Breaks From Social Media

Social media can distract us from being present and eat up time you could be spending focusing on your mental and physical health. “Check your phone settings to see how many hours you spend on Instagram and other social apps, and try to keep it under 2.5 hours. Baby steps are still improvements,” said Crumb. Some phones will even trigger a notification to let you know you’re close to your allotted limit for the day. “Remember, Instagram is just a highlight reel. Be mindful in creating your balance,” she added.

Create a Buddy System

Gather your crew and rely on one another for love and support. “Make a conscious effort to practice self-love by creating a texting buddy system. Through the week, send each other affirmations. Lean on your rocks to keep your spirits soaring,” she said. If you’re looking to work out more, eat healthier, or take more mental breaks, use this network to fuel yourself and keep yourself accountable.

Eat More Plants

“We know it’s important to eat our fruits and vegetables, but a shift toward a more plant-based diet has been shown to increase disease prevention, protect against heart disease, and increase fibre intake, among other things,” says Maggie Michalczyk, MS, RD.

The best part about resolving to “eat more plants” is that you can totally interpret it in whatever way is best for you. “It doesn’t mean going completely vegetarian; it can be as simple as practicing meatless Monday or experimenting with a different grain in your rice bowl next time. Focusing on adding or swapping more nutritious components into your diet is a great way to combat the oftentimes very negative elimination mindset that rolls around when it’s time to come up with a resolution,” she said.

Cook at Home 3 Times a Week

Break out your favourite cookbooks, pots, and pans. “Cooking a meal at home not only leads to positive health benefits like reduced calorie and sodium consumption, but also to using healthier ingredients and creating a sense of togetherness that you don’t always get when eating at a restaurant,” Michalczyk said.

Plus, “cooking with a partner, a friend, or family members is a great way to make fun memories in the kitchen, try a food you’ve never had before, and relieve stress,” she said. These are all things that contribute to health and well-being just as much as food itself.

Make Time to Meditate

“It’s easier said than done, but research says that mindfulness is significantly correlated with positive affect, life satisfaction, and overall well-being,” Michalcyzk said. Whether it’s making time to use an app on your phone or a more structured meditation space, vow to take this time to set yourself up for success in all other parts of your life. “With as little as 10 minutes a day of meditation shown to make an impact on resilience, stress, and memory, it’s an easy resolution to make that can create more positive ripples in the future,” she said.

Be OK Saying No

We’re often stretched so thin amid work, commitments, and our social lives that we don’t prioritise doing things for ourselves or recharging when we need to. “FOMO is real, and I’ll be the first to say experiencing something you missed over social media sucks, but what’s even worse is having a physical or mental sign show you it’s time for a break before you take one,” Michalcyzk said. “I say make this the year of saying no and not feeling bad about it, be unapologetic when it comes to your needs, and watch as your mental and physical well-being skyrocket,” she added.

Explore Your Sexuality

“One resolution I am encourageing my clients to try this year is understanding their own unique experience with pleasure,” said Holly Richmond, PhD, LMFT, a somatic psychologist and AASECT certified sex therapist. That means not being afraid to experiment with what you like and taking charge. Having sex benefits your mental health by reducing stress, so making sure you’re having a pleasurable sexual experience is really about health.

By Isadora Baum

I’ve always been a HIIT and boot camp kind of girl. The harder the workout, the more powerful I feel. My body craves it, grueling sets of burpees and all. But while I’m pretty toned, there were a few areas of my body that I wanted to hone in on, really strengthening those smaller muscles in ways HIIT often can’t. The long and lean look that avid barre-goers seem to have piqued my interest, so when a friend offered to take me to a Pure Barre class for free, I immediately said yes.

I’ll admit that I fumbled through that first class — I should have read up on what to expect — but when the session ended, I felt so good: stronger, leaner, firmer in my tush. I could really feel that burn in my abs, too, which I probably don’t target as heavily during my regular workouts. It was enough that I decided to sign up for an intro package. I went every day for a week, excited to see how my body would change. What I didn’t expect was how my sex life would change, for both me and my partner. Turns out, that tucking and pulsing can work wonders in the bedroom, too — here’s what I’ve noticed.

It Puts Me in the Mood

By the second class, my muscles were quivering and shaking like crazy — a good sign, since that meant they were being challenged. I was thrilled, but I also found it a little hot. Not an inappropriate arousal, but one where you feel sort of sexy, standing at the bar, pulsing and tucking. And the glute bridge work on the ground? That felt sexy, too. After class, I’d definitely come home in the mood.

Turns out, there’s science behind that rise in libido, aside from the empowering nature of barre. People who frequently work out tend to have a greater interest in and satisfaction from sex, sexologist Dr. Damian Sendler, Ph.D., told POPSUGAR. For that, you can thank feel-good endorphins and greater oxygenation in the brain.

The Big “O” Is Real Big Now

Since taking barre, I’ve gotten more in tune with my body and how to utilize my pelvic floor. Many exercises you see in barre involve squeezing, pulsing, thrusting, and holding muscles located in the butt and hips, explained Dr. Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. (Kind of like sex, huh?) Barre is also an opportunity to do Kegels, in which you squeeze your pelvic floor like you’re trying to hold in pee, with every isometric pulse.

Having a strong pelvic floor is important for a number of reasons, not the least of which is better orgasms, according to Dr. Richmond. In fact, after four to six weeks of barre class, most of her patients report stronger orgasms, along with other health benefits, like improved bladder control.

I’m Really Bendy

One of the goals of barre is to improve flexibility by holding certain positions for a long (and excruciating) period of time. And personally, I’ve been able to do the same thing during sex: holding certain poses — often somewhat uncomfortable ones — to keep things going and make the most of it for both me and my partner. I’ve even experimented with those superchallenging positions you read about and really want to try but also seem intimidating. If my partner moves me into something wacky, I can go with it. Spider monkey? Seesaw? Sure, it’s worth a shot.

That might be the greatest takeaway: I had variety in my sex life before, but now I can let my emotions take over and effortlessly move into the right positions and pace, bringing in some of the key exercises I’ve learned in barre. I’ve loved the results — so much that I still attend barre classes three to four times a week — and I’m pretty sure the lucky guy who gets to share them with me does, too. Between barre and my HIIT workouts, I’ve never been more confident in my body or the bedroom.

By Isadora Baum

When it comes to receiving oral sex, you’re probably thinking foreplay: the real sex is yet to come. However, don’t be mistaken. Oral sex can be just as hot and sensual as intercourse, and if done well, it can totally lead to an orgasm. Luckily, there are a few sex positions guaranteed to help you reach that “O” early on so you can then continue your winning streak and get multiple orgasms during the main event. Here are the top positions to try during oral sex for more pleasure and access.

Use a Pillow and Spread Wide

The easiest and a classic go-to is to lie on your back with your legs spread wide and have your partner kneeling or laying on their stomach in front of you. “To make this more enjoyable and orgasm easier to reach, elevate your hips on a small pillow. This gives your partner fuller access to your entire vulva and lets them see what they are doing — no fumbling in the dark,” Dr. Holly Richmond, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT-certified sex therapist, told POPSUGAR. “From this position, you can also adjust your hips so your partner is hitting exactly the right place on your clitoris or labia,” she added. Remember, not every woman comes from clitoral stimulation, so don’t miss an opportunity to be attentive to alternative erogenous zones, too.

Sit on Their Face

Face-sitting puts you firmly — or not so firmly — in charge of the experience. “Have your partner lay on their back while you straddle their head, lowering yourself down on to their mouth or tongue to the degree it feels most comfortable and at a pace that doesn’t feel too rushed,” Richmond said. You can take breaks if you start feeling hypersensitive (especially on your clitoris), and then go for it again when you are ready to orgasm.

Doggy-Style Oral

Doggy style for oral has enormous potential for creating some major orgasms. “Not only will your partner have a great view and be able to take verbal cues easily from you, but you can also move forward and back in the rhythm and pressure that feels best,” said Richmond. “Bonus — anilingus gets top billing with this position. Don’t forget the butt! There are thousands of nerve endings just below the vulva that deserve attention and can lead to multiple orgasms,” she said.

Hug Your Knees and Make a Ball

“My clients report that this position is a go-to if they want to ensure they’ll have an oral orgasm. It’s a take on the traditional lying on your back with your partner between your legs, but instead of having your legs spread open, pull them together and bring your knees into your chest so you’re in a small ball shape,” said Richmond. This enables your partner to create a lot of suction on your clitoris or fully take your vulva in their mouth. You can gently rock back and forth to find exactly the right angle to get you to your O, she added.

Stand Up

Standing oral requires some skill on your part, as well as your partner’s, but it can be hugely rewarding. “First of all, it’s very sexy to look down on your partner and have them look up at you, making intimate eye contact or verbalizing how you want them to make you feel good. There’s no room to be shy here — it’s about you taking control of your pleasure,” Richmond said. Many women find this “power position” incredibly erotic, she added, which leads to an amazing orgasm. “And your partner has room to move around and use their hands and fingers while you can utilize gravity to help find the right amount of pressure and resistance,” she explains.

69

It’s a classic, but it allows both partners to receive pleasure. “For simultaneous oral sex, I encourage couples to lay on a bed facing one another using pillows to prop up arms and legs that need to be open for access. The goal is to readjust as much as needed to find maximum comfort,” Jenni Skyler, PhD, LMF, CST, AASECT-certified sex therapist, sexologist, and licensed marriage and family therapist for Adam & Eve, told POPSUGAR. Maximum comfort allows for maximum surrender, and surrender is what orgasm is all about.

If none of these positions do it for you, then switch around to find the best fit. “Every person is different. Some people may want to trade in comfort for erotic excitement,” said Skyler. “For example, a woman may want to sit on a kitchen countertop with her legs in the air to receive oral sex. Though her butt and legs might get a little tired, the taboo eroticism of this may be just what the doctor ordered for that ideal orgasm,” she said. Do what works for you!

By Isadora Baum

Yeah, you probably know well enough by now that you can get some serious orgasms in bed, but get this: you can actually get that big “O” at the gym, too. These exercise-induced orgasms, or coregasms, can be pretty spectacular, and it’ll make you want to get to those crunches and leg lifts on the reg. Basically, certain exercises can activate those muscles in your pelvic region, which can trigger an orgasm. I guess there’s a new meaning to reaching that climax during a tough workout. Here’s how it works.

What’s a Coregasm?

“Coregasm” is a catchy and fairly self-explanatory term, but the clinical terms for the phenomenon is “exercise-induced orgasm (EIO).” “EIOs happen because nerve endings within the vagina and around the vulva are stimulated during exercise,” Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, and AASECT certified sex therapist, told POPSUGAR.

“Most of the time it isn’t a full-out Champagne poppin’, fireworks going off experience, but it definitely can be, and what one person experiences won’t be the same for everyone,” said Katie Dunlop, CPT and creator of Love Sweat Fitness to POPSUGAR. Usually, it’s due to a higher-intensity workout or one that creates a great mind-body connection. “It’s pretty clear that they are usually induced during ab exercises and more strenuous workouts. Your blood is pumping, endorphins are rising, and you’re feeling yourself. It’s likely that it really comes down to engaging the pelvic floor where the same muscles involved in kegels are engaged,” said Dunlop.

“Like sex, you really have to let go and find that mind-body connection. If you’re focused on how hard the workout is or what you’re going to eat after, it is less likely that you will relax through the work and have a coregasm,” she said.

How Does It Happen?

“How they happen is different for every person, but research suggests that they are caused primarily by friction against clothes or an exercise machine, or from stimulation of the pelvic floor muscles — the same muscles contracted and released during kegel exercise,” Dunlop said. According to a 2011 study published in the Journal Sexual and Relationship Therapy, among 51 percent of women surveyed experienced a coregasm while doing ab exercises (which makes sense). Yet it can happen from other exercises, too. About 27 percent climaxed from weight lifting, while a few others attributed it to biking, hiking, and running.

What Does It Feel Like?

“EIO is often described as tingly or similar to the feeling you’d experience pre-orgasm,” Richmond said. The good news is you can do certain moves that might trigger them. “To increase chances of having one, it’s really an individual process of tuning into the body and focusing on what feels good,” Richmond added. “If you notice a slight tingling sensation around your vulva while performing a certain exercise, the best chance of capitalizing on it is to repeat, repeat, repeat. Many women do not reach full orgasm this way, but certainly experience an enormous amount of pleasure,” she explained. I guess it’s time to sign up for that evening fitness class, after all.

A Few Exercises to Try

Pelvic Tucks This one may seem obvious, but again it’s all about mind-body connection. “While doing pelvic tucks at the barre, focus on moving your pelvis from neutral and scooping it forward. Many people make the mistake of popping their booty back before tucking forward, which is less effective,” said Dunlop. Contract your pelvic floor muscles as you tuck and relax back to neutral. Try this same motion laying on your back with knees bent and feet on the floor.

Knee Tucks “Your lower back is loaded with tons of sensitive nerve endings, and this exercise will help strengthen the lower back and increase arousal response,” said Dunlop. “Laying on your back, tuck your knees in toward your chest, slightly lifting the hips. Contract your core as you extend the legs long in front of you,” she said.

Double Leg Raise “This exercise strengthens your lower abdominal muscles, pelvic floor, and lower back, giving you more connection control,” Dunlop said. Laying on your back, place your thumbs under your tailbone for support. Straighten your legs, flexing your feet as though you were going to kick your heels into the ceiling. Engage your core as you slowly lower your legs toward to floor. “Only lower so much that you feel your abs fire up without allowing your lower back to lift off the floor,” she said. Repeat.

By Isadora Baum

If you’re getting lucky between the sheets, you’d probably want to make the most of your time, right? Well, there’s a lot more to sex than getting into some of the best positions for orgasm or even spicing things up with a new sex toy. There are a few untouched areas that deserve some major love, as they can provide stimulating sensations throughout the body and boost arousal in pretty impressive ways. The good news is, it’s never too late to try something new with a partner and see if giving attention to these seven erogenous zones can really make your “O” that much hotter.

1. Feet and Ankles

“We often talk in somatic psychology about bottom-up processing, which is about tuning into your body before focusing on the cognitive thoughts happening in your mind. The feet are absolutely the best place for that bodily presence and awareness to start,” Dr. Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist and sex therapist, told POPSUGAR.

Plus, if you focus more on pleasure, rather than jumping straight to the genitals, you can further express yourself sexually with a partner. Of course, everyone knows about foot fetishes, but this is an area of the body that is often overlooked in typical intimate connections. “Our feet take more pressure than any other part of our body, and for women who frequently wear heels, that can translate to soreness or even pain. Having someone attend to our feet in a way that starts out as nurturing and sensual, and then moves towards the erotic, can jump start the arousal process,” she says.

2. Inner Thighs

“Again, the inner thighs are an area that typically gets skipped over because it’s so close to the genitals. There are a ton of nerve endings in the inner thighs that rarely get touched on a day to day basis, like the front or back of our legs do,” says Richmond. You can either engage in inner thigh play alone or with a partner as a means for foreplay. “I frequently recommend to my solo clients to caress their own inner thighs to get things heated up — it’s almost impossible not to get aroused. Asking a partner to do this for you is, of course, a great arousal strategy as well,” she says.

3. Stomach

Proceed with caution if you’re known to tickle easily. “The stomach can be tricky because some people are so, so sensitive that any light touch on the stomach feels like tickling, which is more uncomfortable than it is pleasurable,” says Richmond. “If you’re ticklish, it’s almost impossible to translate that feeling into erotic, but if you can tolerate it, having your partner trace circles or a figure eight pattern on your stomach can be a huge turn on,” she says. You can always ease into it first, or see if there are certain areas on the stomach that are fair game.

4. The Chest

Don’t neglect the breasts,which can make for intense orgasms, but focus some attention on the chest, too. “Many women love having their décolletage explored and caressed, and male clients often report enjoyed having their chest rubbed, but in a firmer way. The chest protects our heart, so it can often feel like a vulnerable place when we’re with a partner, but sinking into that openness and trust can make any overtly sexual acts that follow feel more connected and intense,” says Richmond.

5. Lower Back

You might complain about lower back pain after sitting in a chair all day, but in bed, the low back can make sex so much better. “The small of a woman’s back is a super-hot, underrated erogenous zone, to be sure! I can’t tell you how many female clients have said, ‘I love it when he puts his hand on my lower back. It’s such a turn-on,'” says Richmond.

Here’s how to do engage your lower back during sex. “From there, your hand can eventually slide down to her butt, but having a warm hand on the lower back if you’re in public, then switching that up to gentle stokes and caresses when you’re naked, can help things move from zero to 60 quickly when it comes to creating arousal and fueling desire,” she says.

6. The Face

“You frequently see actors in movies reaching out to stroke their partner’s face. It’s such an invitation of intimacy and a nod to attraction, but I rarely hear my clients talking about it in real life. Perhaps more than any of the other areas mentioned, the face holds such enormous capacity for intimacy,” says Richmond. Just think: you’re looking into each other’s eyes, touching sensitive skin, and showing affection in a gentle, appreciative way.

“Not only does it feel wonderful to have our face caressed, but typically if someone is stroking your face, you’re looking them in the eyes. Eye contact is the key to empathy, and empathy can be incredibly powerful in helping couples feel connected — a true sense of oneness — when they’re having sex,” says Richmond.

7. Hair

Go wild on your partner’s scalp (with permission, of course). “Women’s hair is often an explicit and overt expression of sexuality, so for a partner never to attend to it is a huge miss. Playing with someone’s hair can happen anywhere, from sitting together in a café and gently pushing it back off her face, to the bedroom where it may look more like a partner’s hands being buried in her hair, or even hair pulling,” says Richmond.

Ask your partner what is preferred in terms of aggression and range. “The nerve endings on our scalp are so sensitive, so I always recommend it as an area for couples to utilize, whether that’s about gentle touch and massage, or tugging at it in more rough and urgent sexual expression,” she says.

By Isadora Baum

When it comes to making big decisions, you probably lean more toward thinking with your head or your heart, as it’s typically ingrained in your character. There’s not one right way to respond to a situation, but sometimes certain circumstances might benefit you better when you think in a particular way, even if you just don’t quite know it yet. The best way to manage your thought process is to find a healthy balance where you can make decisions using both and realize which method might serve you best. Here are some tips for understanding whether you’re prone to leading with your heart or focusing more on what you’re head is saying, and how to navigate these situations when you’re looking for the perfect answer that most resonates with what you really need.

You’re Leading With Your Head

“Leading with your head is cognitive process that involves self-awareness and typically weighing the pros and cons of a situation. It’s typically not a quick or impulsive decision, but something people feel like they have a good reason to do or that will produce a beneficial outcome,” Dr. Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, and sex therapist, told POPSUGAR.

“It may involve consequential thinking, which means you play out the outcome in your head if you were to engage in certain actions. It also may involve planning out steps to take to achieve your goal,” said Kimberly Hershenson, LMSW.

“An example of leading with your head is: someone asks you to go on a spur-of-the-moment trip for the weekend that sounds amazing and you want to go, but then you think about the things you need to do and how tired you might be heading back to work Monday morning, and you decide it’s not a good idea,” Richmond said. In general, situations that provoke leading with your head tend to have some explicit risk involved, meaning if you choose to do the thing your head is telling you not to, there could be a negative impact, she said.

You’re Leading With Your Heart

Leading with your heart is the opposite of cognitive thinking — it’s a somatic, body-based process. “Leading with your heart is a gut reaction, where you might find yourself saying something like, ‘This just feels like the right thing to do.’ Instead of thinking about a decision, you feel about it. There is a felt sense of what you need and what you want,” Richmond said. “This often feels chancy — like, ‘[Damn], I hope this works out!’ but not doing it would be soul crushing and leave you with regrets,” she said. “Often people have a gut instinct which goes against what logical thinking will tell them,” which can freak them out, added Hershenson.

“I see people struggle most with leading with their heart when it comes to relationships. There are no guarantees in any relationships, especially new relationships where the foundation of trust isn’t established yet, so there’s always a risk of getting deeply hurt if you lead with your heart,” she said. When people lead with their heart, it may feel like a bigger risk than if they lead with their head (an emotional risk vs. a negative practical outcome), but there’s also the potential for bigger reward, she said.

How to Know Which to Use

If you know you are a fairly impulsive person and can look back at several not-so-great decisions you made, it’s worth taking time with the next choice that feels like a tug-of-war between what you want to do and what you know you should do. “Take a deep breath and pause for one minute to consider the pros and cons. Play out the best-case scenario and the worst-case scenario and use your head to discern which direction you believe the situation will go,” said Richmond.

Similarly, if you are a cautious person and a worrier, leading with your heart and trusting your gut also requires you to be present and take a moment to cultivate that felt sense of what it is you want. “I don’t recommend that people weigh the pros and cons when they are already critical thinkers (they do that naturally), but instead that they pay attention to what their body is feeling and where. That could sound like, ‘I feel excited. My heart is pounding in my chest.’ Finding the balance between the excitement of taking a risk with the presence of mind and body to truly assess all possibilities is a great goal to shoot for,” she said.

Training yourself to tune into your heart and turn off your head is a matter of practice in mindfulness and self-awareness. “It’s taking the time to check in with yourself to notice if the decision sits well with you. A quick way to assess that is by asking, ‘Am I second-guessing myself?’ If so, take a deep breath, go for a walk, or sit quietly and visualize the decision in pictures rather than thinking about it in words,” said Richmond.

Also, notice if you feel happy, hopeful, scared, or anxious when you think about one outcome over the other. The body holds so many answers, and by tuning in, we have the potential to be in a place that feels authentic, self-aware, and self-assured, she said.

Any Clues Based on the Situation?

This could be helpful with regard to big-life scenarios. “Big life examples — a new job for sure. Where finances are involved (which has an enormous impact on your quality of life), leading with your head can be a safer bet. That’s not to say never take a risk to pursue your passion, but just be sure you have an accurate perception of what’s involved and are prepared if things don’t go exactly as planned,” said Richmond.

On the other hand, relationships are tough. “I almost always encourage my clients to lead with their heart. A relationship that is based on a business decision, as in, ‘He looks great on paper,’ almost never end well. Your heart has to be in it. There needs to be longing, passion, love, lust . . . all of the complex emotions we experience when we’re choosing a partner to spend our lives with,” she said.

A takeaway: “In matters of business and finances, leading with your head can be the safer bet, but in matters of relationships and love, I think leading with the heart pays off in the long run,” said Richmond.

If you’re already orgasming, that’s awesome. But what if there was a way to actually make those orgasms last longer, so that you’re getting those powerful sensations for a few extra glorious minutes. Turns out, you’re in luck — you can prolong your orgasms with a few simple tricks.

While you can do these with a partner, you can always practice during solo time, too. In fact, there are actually a few health benefits to orgasms, so there’s really no harm in practicing. You might want to try these little hacks and see if there’s a difference. If so, all that hard work will pay off.

Do Kegel Exercises

“One thing that always helps to increase the intensity and duration of an orgasm is having a regular Kegel exercise practice,” says Dr. Holly Richmond, PhD, a licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT certified sex therapist. I know this doesn’t sound very sexy or like much fun, but it really pays off.

“Developing strong pelvic floor muscles directly relates to the strength of the contraction during orgasm. Strong muscles will make the contractions feel deeper and the waves of pleasure last longer,” she says. As practice makes perfect, you’ll want to try working on kegel exercises to really hone in on those muscles.

Don’t Think about It

If you’re looking to lengthen your orgasm and are focused too closely on getting there, you might tax your brain and body with excess pressure. The result: no orgasm. Not even a short one, perhaps.

“Once your pelvic floor muscles are strong and you’re having regular, intense orgasms, a way to make them last longer is to completely get out of your head and into your body,” says Dr. Richmond. “Basically, if you’re about to have an orgasm and you think, ‘Oh, I want this to last as long as possible,’ you’ve already gone cognitive and have lost the somatic connection,” she explains. Rather than thinking about it, feel. Stay in the pleasure by focusing on the ride up to the peak of your orgasm, and then just enjoy every ounce of the sensation without thought or judgement about how long it will last.

Play with Temperature

Time to play with some hot and cold manipulation for a bigger, better O. “Using a lube that heats up or a glass or metal dildo kept in the freezer can be an amazing way to enhance and extend orgasms,” says Dr. Kat Van Kirk, a licensed marriage and sex therapist and sex expert for Adam & Eve. You can try Adam & Eve Turn It Up Warming Lubricant ($13).

Besides, the idea of flipping back and forth is super sexy, and it’ll help cool the body down when it gets too overheated as well.

Focus around the Clit, Too

“Focusing not on the clitoris, but around it too will help you enhance and extend your orgasms,” says Dr. Kirk. Get handsy with some extra assistance. Try Dr. Kat’s New Vibe Line to focus on these poignant areas.

For instance, you can use a clit stimulator or ointment, Kirk says, which creates extra sensations to prolong those mind-blowing orgasms. You can try a liquid vibrator, which is gel or ointment to increase lubrication instantly, like the BUZZ Liquid Vibrator ($25).

“These liquid vibrators and ointments create extra stimulation from the vibrations,” where you’ll get aroused faster and maintain that orgasm for a longer period of time, says Kirk.

By Isadora Baum

You’re getting to the moment of climax and suddenly your head starts pounding. WTF, right? Sure, you’re probably bummed out (there goes your orgasm), but you may also be really confused. You don’t normally associate sex with head pain. It turns out you can actually get a sex headache as arousal starts to build, either right before you’re about to orgasm or during your orgasm. Neither is ideal, of course. “The first is a dull aching in the head or neck, and the second is a severe ache just prior to or during orgasm. Most sex headaches last for a period of minutes, though more severe cases can last for hours or even two to three days,” said Dr. Holly Richmond, licensed marriage and family therapist and AASECT certified sex therapist.

It’s also worth noting that you can get migraines during sex, but this will be more acute pain, as opposed to the harsh pain from a sex headache. The same migraines people often get from sounds, lights, or other triggers can happen during sex, as sex can become one of these triggers. This is rare, but when it does happen, it can be associated with nausea, vomiting, and hypersensitivity to the surrounding environment,” according to Board-Certified Urologic Surgeon Dr. Jamin Brahmbhatt.

To be fair, sex headaches are rare and can come and go. “Like migraines, many people experience them in clusters over several months, and then may not have any symptoms for a year or more,” Dr. Richmond said. Another reason you might not have heard of them before is that there’s a lack of research. “The reason it’s hard to do research on this topic is because headaches during or after sex are rare (about one percent of the population has this condition),” Dr. Brahmbhatt added.

Although these sex headaches can occur in both genders, they are more common in males, Dr. Brahmbhatt said, according to the American Migraine Foundation. If the headache is associated with changes in vision, neck stiffness, vomiting, or loss of consciousness, she said, or it lasts a few days, Dr. Richmond added, you’ll want to book it to the ER, just like you would for any other painful migraine.

Why It Happens

“There are several reasons for why sex headaches happen, but almost all the reasons boil down to issues with blood flow, including an abnormal connection between the arteries and veins in the head,” Dr. Richmond said. This isn’t too worrisome, and there are ways to improve blood flow and prevent the headaches from happening. However, if you have heart problems, and you’re getting these headaches as a potential symptom, you’ll want to be more mindful to get help from a physician. “Sex headaches can also be a symptom of stroke or coronary artery disease,” Dr. Richmond said.

“On the less serious side, these headaches can result from medication use, even birth control pills,” Dr. Richmond said. If you’re taking birth control and you’re getting headaches during sex, it can definitely be linked. “As with migraines, sex headaches can be triggered by hormonal fluctuations, so if a woman is on a pill that delivers differing levels of hormones throughout the month, this may be a trigger,” she said. Hormonal response differs based on the individual, so you’ll want to get tested to see which levels are good for you, but “generally, more estrogen (excessive amounts) is the cause of the headaches, so reducing levels may help,” she said.

If you are experiencing these head pains, try different methods of birth control. “Steady-release birth control options are the safest bet for women who experience sex headaches, such as implants, patches, or an IUD, or to be completely safe from any potential hormonal imbalances, try condoms,” she said. Speak to your ob-gyn about the best options for you.

Also, while it’s fun to get frisky and try new things in bed, if you’re taking it to the extreme, where it’s too rough or too adventurous, you might experience a sex headache, especially if you’re prone to triggering them. Instead, you’ll want to have “less intense sex,” or being more careful when switching between different positions, Dr. Brahmbhatt said.

How to Treat It

Unless you have had stroke or heart complications, you shouldn’t be too alarmed, but you can tell your physician of the symptoms and go on blood pressure medication to help manage the headaches, Dr. Brahmbhatt said.

If you don’t have these heart issues, you can easily improve blood flow and circulation with a few lifestyle adjustments, such as exercising more and eating a healthy diet. “If your body is not used the the strain of sex or any physical activity, it’s probably not a bad idea to slowly ramp your way up to a stronger mind and body,” he said.

Taking ibuprofen before having sex might be able to dull any sensations and prevent those head pangs, he added.

Also, you’ll want to stay hydrated. Being hydrated will improve your circulation and keep your brain and body cells healthy enough to ward off headaches, which can also be more prevalent when in a dehydrated state.

You can also try a series of exercises or practices to do before or during sex that can prevent sex headaches or mitigate the pain. “These may include deep breathing, mindfulness practices, and perhaps taking a more passive role in sexual activity,” Dr. Richmond added.

Good news: “Sex headaches are almost always fixable, so I feel like part of my job is helping my clients to not feel discouraged,” Dr. Richmond said. With a few adjustments, you can get back to riding that “O” out, pain-free.

So if you’re in a relationship or you’re having a threesome with people that you know, you’ll want to think things over first and communicate any anxieties you might have.

For instance, though the thought of a threesome is exciting — and it definitely can be a fun addition and experience for a couple — it can also conjure up feelings, whether they be of jealousy, intimacy toward the “third” partner, or just plain awkwardness if it didn’t go as planned.

So you’ll want to plan accordingly and be on the same page. Here are a few steps to take.

Pick Your Magical Match, Together

Who might that lucky person be? Either way, make sure both you and your partner are OK with the chosen one. Surprisingly, this is a lot trickier than it sounds, and many couples realize they are not on the same page.

“Do you and your partner want to include a trusted friend, a casual acquaintance, someone you randomly meet somewhere like a bar or the gym, or have the anonymity of a stranger you contact online? Often, this decision is based on what comes after the threesome and whether the couple wants a one-and-done evening or a long-term relationship with the third person,” says Tino Dietrich, sex expert and CEO and founder of Ella Paradis.

Know Its Purpose and Rulebook

Why are you having a threesome, exactly? Define the purpose so you’re both aware of how it’ll affect the relationship.

“Is it about novelty, adventure, a deeper sense of connection to your partner, a same-sex experience, or all the above? It is absolutely necessary to talk about expectations if they are going to be met. Having a threesome without prior discussion often results in hurt feelings or arguments,” says Dr. Holly Richmond, somatic psychologist, certified sex therapist (CST), and licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT).

As for rules? They surely apply here. It isn’t as simple as “the three of us will just hook up.”

Things you need to discuss: “penis-vagina intercourse, oral sex, anal sex, kissing, and anything else that may be on the table,” says Richmond, as well as who can take part in these activities with whom. For instance, she adds, “Some couples start slowly and keep the sexual acts that are most special to them reserved just for each other. And some don’t, and everything is game.”

Other important rules to consider: what happens afterwards. Will you stay in touch? Is it OK for one partner to communicate with the third person without the other person knowing about it? Can two of the three people get together without the third? Discuss these things first to save yourself from arguments later.

How to Be Safe

Enter: condoms, please. And maybe you should request that your third person get an STD test, too. Safety is a top priority. A tip? Make grabbing condoms easier (however many you’ll end up needing here) by keeping a condom box by the bed, say sex experts at Unbound. Try this one: Condom Box ($16).

“Every couple has their own preference about this. If they are having a threesome with someone they know and have been in open conversation with, they may ask for testing — all three people would share their test results. Or, for couples who are more spontaneous, condoms may be enough assurance. I’ve seen many couples have vastly different needs around protecting themselves and the relationship, so again, it needs to be part of a discussion prior to the threesome,” says Richmond.

How Kinky Do You Want to Get?

It’s important to explore each person’s preferences for toys and kinks prior to a threesome. Some people assume their favorite toy — or bondage gear — is fine, but it may not be. And if you need a vibrator to orgasm, share that with the new person so he or she knows what to expect.

A few ways to spice things up with bondage: Silk Bondage Rope ($14), Doc Johnson’s Platinum Cuffs ($25), or 50 Positions of Bondage ($6).

What’s more, if toys are OK, is sharing them OK? Maybe personal ones are better, says Richmond.

“Or maybe your boyfriend has a strong foot fetish. He probably won’t be able to keep that under wraps during a new, exciting experience, so it’s always best to disclose if he’s comfortable sharing that information. The idea here is the fewer surprises, the better,” Richmond adds.

A few fun ways to get kinkier: the iVibe Select iWand Body Wand ($162), 50 Shades Darker Principles of Lust Romance Couples Kit ($46), and the We-Vibe Sync Couples Toy ($200).

Be Self-Aware

And, lastly, know yourself. If you’re the jealous type, would a threesome work for you?

“Often, it’s hard to know until you’ve done it, and in some cases by then it’s too late and your jealousy is raging. Most of the time a couple can recover, but I have seen some instances where it ended the relationship — that is the absolute opposite outcome you should be striving for by spicing up your sex life with a threesome,” says Richmond.

A tip? If you have been jealous in the past or have enough self-awareness to recognize you are often jealous now, a threesome may not be the best for your ego or relationship.