Originally, they were hailed for their ability to make partner play less awkward and more enjoyable; remote control settings mean the vibrator can remain in place while you adjust the settings, so there’s no gap in pleasure. As they’ve gained popularity, remote control vibrators evolved to include synchronized stimulation for partners and a way to spice up date night, with wearable panties and insertable bullets for the couples who simply can’t keep their hands off each other in public.

“Novelty is the key to desire,” says Holly Richmond, Ph.D., certified sex therapist and sex technology consultant. “When you’re with a long term partner, bringing in this novel technology can be hugely erotic.”

But these offer so much more potential beyond a little extra risqué fun during date night. Thanks to improvements in technology, remote control vibrators evolved to now include Bluetooth- and app-controlled toys (granting them their own name, teledildonics) for the couple who may not just be across the couch from one another, but across the country. And in the current climate of social distancing—where some people are quarantined away from their partners or are trying to start up intimate relationships from afar—the availability of this technology is more valuable than ever.

“Most people have experimented with FaceTime sex and masturbating together but now there’s that added level of connection to participate in each other’s pleasure,” says Richmond, explaining that some devices allow you to sync vibration speeds and patterns according to your partner’s desires.

Vibrating panties, bullets, hidden wands, are all varieties of the remote control vibrators available for people with vulvas, but people with penises can get in on the play, too, with wearable sleeves. Dr. Richmond says this ups the ante for long-distance couples as they can masturbate together, with some form of control over the other’s device through secure phone applications. “You can be miles away and literally come together,” she says.

This may be enough for you to click ‘add to cart’ right now, but in case you’re still on the fence, Patty Brisben, founder of Pure Romance, says that using toys together can also strengthen your relationship beyond the physical realm. “Sex toys allow couples to explore together and spark a great dialogue about wants and desires,” she says. (See: How to Introduce Sex Toys Into Your Relationship)

But (!) “before moving into partner vibrators, you need to know what works for you,” says Richmond. When you know what you like and can communicate it to your partner, “it naturally elicits a deeper conversation about pleasure.”

From vibrating panties to male mastubraters, browse this list of nine remote control vibrators to find the right fit for your situationship or relationship—and regardless of your choice, don’t be afraid to use them outside the bedroom.

KIIROO Onyx Cliona Couples Set

KIIROO poses the question, “Why should you play alone if your partner can play with you?” (To be fair, playing alone is really fun and serves a different purpose—but I digress.) This set combines KIIROO’s Cliona, a waterproof, pocket-sized clit vibrator and Onyx, a male masturbator that can reach up to 140 strokes per minute. Richmond favors this tech-savvy set for couples in a long-distance relationship; the ability for synchronized masturbation offers up a pleasurable virtual sexual experience when you can’t be together IRL. (Psst: Here’s How to Make Mutual Masturbation Insanely Hot)

Buy It: KIIROO Onyx Cliona Couples, kiiroo.com

Lovense Osci 2

The oscillating mechanisms of the Osci 2 are unlike your traditional vibrator; the end makes small circles in addition to vibrating so you can score super intense G-spot stimulation. Osci 2 is fitted with a Bluetooth chip, which lets you control it through the Lovense smartphone app. Whether your partner is across town or across the country, they can log in to the app and design up to three vibration sequences using a variety of intensity levels and patterns, allowing them to control your next solo session or virtual masturbation. You may want to test them out a little before you get hot and heavy so you have a little bit of an idea of what works for you, says Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., sex therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy, who notes Lovense is one of her go-to teledildonic brands. “Be sure to have plenty of lubrication, and curate a setting that feels sexy and safe for you both.”

Buy It: Osci 2, lovense.com

Pure Romance Butterfly Effect

Turn any panties into a vibrator with the all-encompassing design of the Butterfly Effect. The butterfly wings target your vulva and clitoris (which, BTW, includes so much more than the part you can see externally) and the insertable shaft provides internal pleasure. For that reason, “I call it a triple threat,” says Brisben. Paired with a wireless remote, this vibrator can be used up to 30-feet away. Brisben suggests leaving the panties to the side and having a spa night with this toy. “Hand your partner the remote and tell your partner they’re in control of your orgasm then go take a long, sensual bubble bath.” This toy, along with the majority of Pure Romance’s toys, are fully submersible to add to the fun.

Buy It: Pure Romance Butterfly Effect, pureromance.com

Mystery Vibe Poco

Lovense Nora

Hidden Agenda

Look, we’re not going to sugar-coat it for you; long distance is tough. You miss your partner, might often feel lonely and don’t have anyone to join you as a plus one on game night with your friends.

But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.

In fact, a 2015 study from Queens University showed that long-distance can actually lead to stronger, happier relationships overall. So, it appears the whole idea that long-distance relationships are more likely to fail isn’t necessarily accurate.

Yet, it’s commonly thought that distance is the nail in the coffin of a relationship. You’ll find an excess of chatter online describing why long distance doesn’t work for most couples. I’m here to say: Don’t believe the hype. While long distance isn’t always easy, you can definitely make it happen if you’re willing to put in the work. This goes both ways; both partners need to be willing to commit to making it happen.

How you ask? Here are some of the best tips on making a long-distance relationship last for the long-haul.

1. Be clear about the boundaries of your relationship.

To start, you need to be crystal clear about the rules and boundaries within your relationship. Monogamy should not be assumed but stated and understood. If you leave anything ambiguous, this will lead to issues down the road, says Moushumi Ghose, M.F.T., a licensed sex therapist. “If you’re open and/or dating and you’re allowed to date or be intimate with other people, set clear guidelines as to what this looks like. What is allowed? Flirting? Kissing? Oral sex? Penetration?”

Whatever works for you is great, but you need to communicate and understand the limits. These conversations aren’t easy, but they’re necessary if you want the relationship to thrive.

2. Create a daily ritual.

There are so many factors that keep long-distance couples from feeling connected. You’re not a part of each other’s daily activities and that can feel isolating. To combat this, Holly Richmond, Ph.D., L.M.F.T., a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist suggests creating a daily ritual that allows you both to connect and feel grounded in your relationship. “I often suggest that my clients bookend their days with something that feels intimate and connecting for them both,” says Richmond.

This could be anything you want. For some couples, it may be a FaceTime or Skype chat before work and right before bed. For others, it might be a photo in the morning and at night. It’s a simple reminder that your partner is there for you and is thinking of you. It gives you a sense of control in the relationship that is somewhat difficult to tether. (Setting boundaries is just one of many important lessons that monogamous people can learn from open relationships.)

3. Get creative with sexting and video chatting.

Richmond says that getting creative with your virtual chatting is especially important in long-distance relationships because you don’t have the same face-to-face intimacy on a daily basis.

When taking sexy photos, try different places around the house to change it up. “Create mystery with lingerie or make your partner guess where you are, as you send a sexy pic from a restaurant bathroom, for example,” suggests Richmond. “If you’re video chatting, mix up the location for mutual masturbation sessions, and bring in props like ice-cubes, warm lube, whipped cream or anything you dream of using on your partner.”

Clinical sexologist and sex educator Sunny Rodgers suggests keeping a journal of sexy thoughts, phrases, or fantasies to then use in your sexting conversations. This way, you won’t keep using the same phrases over and over again. “Writing down words, phrases, meaningful lists, and other items can make it easier and more enjoyable to have fulfilling long-distance conversations,” she says. (Plus, sexting might help you have better sex IRL!)

Creativity isn’t just about sexy photos—it’s also about real acts of intimacy, says Lucy Rowett, a certified intimacy coach and clinical sexologist. “How about sending your partner something small but thoughtful by mail? Ordering them the book they want from Amazon? Think of all the ways you can communicate and show each other you care,” she says.

4. Get sex toys in on the mix.

Sex toys are a fantastic way to spice up long-distance relationships. Rowett suggests ordering each other a sex toy the other might like and then using them together on Skype or FaceTime. This can help create a sense of closeness when you’re far away.

You can even get toys that allow you and your partner to control each other’s sensations. (Thank you, modern technology!) For example, the We-Vibe sync (Buy It, $137 $229) lets you control vibration patterns through an app from anywhere in the world. Kiiroo and Lovense, two teledildonics companies, have toys that allow you to control the vibration and thrusting patterns of their toys over distance.

“For example, as your partner speeds up on the vibration of her toy, the thrusting motion in his toy will coordinate with that. Or, you can tease your partner by controlling the speed, pattern, and vacillation of their toy, which is a little dom/sub and can make things really hot,” says Richmond. (Also try these other best sex toys to use with a partner, virtually or IRL, and read these tips for how to introduce a toy into your relationship.)

5. Don’t tune out the outside world.

While your relationship is important, it’s also crucial that you continue to live your life. Don’t spend all day long with your head down, eyes stuck to your phone screen. Keeping up communication is needed, but if you let it completely envelop you, you could end up losing yourself.

It’s also helpful to focus on the positives of having your independence, instead of being hung up on missing your partner. It gives you a chance to thrive outside your relationship, which could help you lead a more balanced life overall. (We should, as a society, celebrate independence and stop putting so much “value” on being in a relationship in the first place!)

“Make sure you’re keeping up with your friends and loved ones and hobbies right where you are,” says Pam Shaffer, M.F.T., a licensed marriage and family therapist. “This helps you keep your sense of self healthy and separate from the relationship, which in turn will make your LDR (and all your other relationships) better.”

6. Visit each other consistently.

Shaffer says that consistently visiting each other helps build security in your long-distance relationship. “Sometimes in LDRs, you can forget that you aren’t apart forever and can become depressed or fixated on being together again,” she says. “Reminding yourself that you will see each other in X amount of weeks can both create anticipation but also help you keep from obsessing over the relationship.”

Instead of leaving a TBD on the calendar for a visit, create a schedule that works for both of you. It may be once a month, every two months, etc. Just be sure you know exactly when you’re going there and when your partner is coming to you. It may sound hard, but if you want a long-distance relationship to work, you need to put in the time.

During your visits, pick a routine activity (like making dinner together or going for a run) that can breed a sense of normalcy. But also relish the novel, exciting things you can do in your respective cities because the other person doesn’t live there. It gives you a chance to explore and see new things, which you probably wouldn’t get in a regular relationship. It keeps things super fresh.

7. Say “I love you” every single day.

“With meetings, traffic and life in general, it’s often hard to keep the focus on why long-distance partners are grateful for each other, and they tend to forget the reasons they fell in love,” says Rodgers.

Long-distance relationships require reminding each other that you’re a priority. You’re making the commitment to each other again and again, every single day. Don’t forget to tell your partner that you love them and to remind them why they’re important to you.

8. Make plans for the future.

While long-distance relationships can work, they do need an end date (or a light at the end of the tunnel, so to speak) in order to last. You and your partner should be making plans for the long distance to end, whether that means you move, they move, or you both move somewhere new together.

“I find the healthiest of long-distance couples know where they’re going and what the dream is, which makes the distance much more tolerable,” says Richmond. “Ambiguity in any relationship can cause anxiety and disagreements, and having it long-distance amplifies that equation.” Ask your partner what they envision for the next year (or however long the time period might be). Don’t make assumptions about where their head is, but invite them to join in a conversation with you about what the future holds. LDRs don’t have wiggle room for a: “I’m just not sure,” mindset.

If you’re with someone who isn’t willing to figure out the future with you, you may want to reconsider having them in your present. Life is too short to waste on someone who isn’t on the same level as you are (and also isn’t physically where you are).

By Isadora Baum

There’s no reason to not have sex when you’re pregnant. These pregnancy-safe sex positions will maximize your enjoyment.

Whether you have safety concerns or confidence issues surrounding your changing body, don’t let pregnancy stop you from finding pleasure and connecting with your partner in the bedroom. While you should always get the green light from your doctor first, when you’re ready, there are a few things that make pregnancy sex unique that you should consider. For starters, there are few positions during pregnancy that might be better than others in term of both satisfaction and safety, for both you and your partner.

What to avoid? “In general there are only two types of positions that are off the table while pregnant—anything where you are lying on your belly or your partner is lying on your belly. So, no missionary and no facedown,” says Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a somatic psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, and AASECT certified sex therapist. “My rule of thumb is, if it doesn’t feel good or is making you the least bit nervous, don’t do it,” says Richmond.

Also, most pregnant women report increased nipple and breast sensitivity. That could mean even better tingles in those areas or, conversely, too much tenderness and sensitivity. For the latter, “tell your partner to lighten their touch or avoid your nipples altogether,” says Richmond.

Bottom line: “There are plenty of safe, feel-good positions, and pregnancy is an ideal time to expand your horizons,” she says. Here are eight pregnancy sex positions you’ll want to try, risk-free. (Plus, here’s how to have better sex after childbirth, too.)

Woman On Top

Woman on Top

The woman straddles her partner, who is lying on his back. “Since you’re not lying on your abdomen, you can control the depth of penetration, which is why this position can be particularly comfortable—especially later in pregnancy,” says “Dr. Nita” Landry, M.D., FACOG, an ob-gyn and cohost on The Doctors. (Related: How to Get More Pleasure Out of Common Sex Positions)

What’s more, this sex position is great for women who are feeling sexy AF while pregnant. “Every woman has a different level of comfort with this position, but if you love your pregnant body, this is the position for you,” says Richmond. “He’ll get a perfect view of your ample breasts, full hips, and round belly. This can be so empowering during pregnancy, and of course, in this position, you completely control the speed, depth, and pattern of thrusts.”

 

Reverse Cowgirl

Reverse Cowgirl

This is like “woman on top,” but this time the woman has spun around, which can result in more clitoral stimulation, says Dr. Nita. “If needed, you can also use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation with some of the positions,” she says. And, like other woman-on-top positions, Reverse Cowgirl gives the woman full control of her body, so she can quickly notice if anything feels off. “You’re on top but facing backward, and can do whatever feels best with your hands, whether that’s clitoral stimulation or supporting your belly or breasts. Your partner will still get a great view of your hips and butt, but you’ll be entirely in control,” says Richmond.

 

Seated On the Edge of a Bed or Chair

Seated On the Edge of a Bed or Chair

Here’s how it works: You’re seated on the edge of the bed or in a sturdy chair and your partner is standing or kneeling in front of you (whichever is appropriate for the height of the bed or chair), explains Dr. Nita. This sex position during pregnancy is totally safe (and pleasurable) for mom. “The woman is not lying on her abdomen and her partner is doing a lot of the work,” she says.

 

Spooning

Spooning

Not only does this position win in the romance department, but it’s also a great option for pregnant women. The woman lies on her side with her partner lying behind her. “This position takes pressure off of her uterus and back,” says Dr. Nita. Also, penetration usually isn’t as deep in the spooning position, so it can be particularly beneficial if a woman finds deep penetration uncomfortable during pregnancy, she says.

“This is ideal because there is no pressure on the belly, and it is supported on one side by the bed, so in the third trimester this sex position during pregnancy is a go-to for sure,” says Richmond. To make this sex position as pleasurable as possible, she suggests clitoral stimulation. “Either you can do it yourself or ask your partner to do it, which he’ll most likely find incredibly sexy.”

 

Kneeling

Kneeling

This sex position is great for pregnant women, as there’s no pressure on you; the man is doing most of the movements. “The man kneels on the bed and the woman sits back in his lap, like a kneeling reverse cowgirl—there’s no pressure on your belly or back,” says Dr. Nita. “This is great for penetrative sex or oral sex,” says Richmond. This position can easily morph into doggy style by placing all fours on the bed, a great sex position during pregnancy. “Your partner can continue standing, or kneel on the bed. Again, this is a great opportunity for you to speak up and tell your partner what you like as far as depth and speed are concerned, and if you prefer clitoral stimulation,” adds Richmond. Just make sure not collapse your knees to lie flat on your belly, which is an unsafe sex position during pregnancy.

 

Doggy Style

Doggy Style

The woman is on her hands and knees, and her partner enters from behind, which offers shallower penetration with no harm to the belly, says Dr. Nita. This sex position is a great way to control speed and depth if you’re timid about sex during your pregnancy. “If being on all fours is placing too much weight on your shoulders, arms, and wrists (which some women report), I recommend the ‘puppy’ pose,” says Richmond. “Place your forearms on the bed or floor with your palms facing down, and have your partner kneel and enter you from behind. All of the work will be on his end, and you should feel like you’re in a comfortable and supported position.”

 

Scissors

Lie at opposite ends of the bed with legs scissored together. Why is this a great sex position during pregnancy? From here, sex can be slower and gentler, says Dr. Nita. Besides, it also offers a great view and is a steamier sex position that works wonders if you’re are trying to find ways to keep your sex drive up during pregnancy and connect with your partner in a sexier setting.

 

Standing & Leaning On the Bed

Standing & Leaning On the Bed

“Another favorite position during pregnancy is standing while leaning forward with your hands on the side of the bed, back of the couch, countertop, or dresser,” says Richmond. Again, this keeps all pressure off the belly and creates a great opportunity for you to communicate with your partner about speed and depth of penetration. “Let him worry about standing on something or doing squats to find the ideal angle,” she says. Bonus: “This is another position where reaching your clitoris is easy.”

by Charlotte Hilton Andersen

Mushrooms are a superfood. With high levels of vitamin D, selenium, and micronutrients, the fungus among us is said to have powerful health properties, including boosting the immune system and warding off depression and anxiety. But they’ve been recently hyped for a whole different kind of superpower: Mind-blowing orgasms. According to a study published in the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms (where else?), a rare Hawaiian mushroom can instantly give women an orgasm—just from a single whiff.

After hearing rumors from locals, researchers asked a handful of male and female volunteers to inhale the musky scent of the unnamed bright orange mushroom found growing on recent lava flows. The men said it was vile. But the women? “Nearly half experienced spontaneous orgasm” and were immediately transported to the heights of ecstasy. (The other half said it made their hearts race.) The scientists chalked it up to “hormone-like compounds” in the fungi spores that may stimulate the same part of the brain turned on by sex. But is this magic mushroom legit? Or was everyone just trippin’?

“We would’ve figured it out a long time ago if women’s desire was as simple as smelling a fungus,” laughs Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. “We can’t even create a women’s version of Viagra—as shown by the recent Addyi debacle—so I doubt this mushroom will do it.”

The thing many people don’t understand, Richmond says, is that women’s and men’s orgasms are totally different biological processes. “For men it’s relatively simple—you’re increasing blood flow to get an erection,” she explains. “For women, it’s a combination of arousal and desire. Arousal is what’s happening physiologically. But a crucial component of an orgasm from women is desire, the wanting and yearning. This begs the question: If you’re carrying around this fungus, what does it make you desire? Is it sex with partner? Anonymous sex? Sex with yourself?”

That’s not to say, however, that the mushroom-sniffing ladies were necessarily faking it. Rather, Richmond thinks it may be an example of a thought-induced orgasm. “As any woman who’s had a ‘wet dream’ can tell you, women can have an orgasm without any direct physical stimulation,” she says. “The biggest sex organ is the brain; if a woman can open it up to fantasy then absolutely, orgasm is possible just from thinking about it.”

If mushrooms are what gets you off, we’re not judging your kink. But know there are ways to make sure you have a great orgasm that don’t require hiking lava flows and harvesting flora. “The key to orgasming is to know yourself,” Richmond says. “Spend time being sexually experimental with yourself. Know what you like. Know what it takes to bring yourself to orgasm. Spend time with self-pleasure.” She also recommends learning how to stay present and focused on pleasure during sex and how to speak to your partner about what you like and want.

Bottom line? The real magic here is the amazing female brain.