The International Society for Sexual Medicine (ISSM) defines sex-positive folks as people who are “open to learning more about sex and sexual activity“—and these are definitely qualities of those attending and hosting the summer workshops below. If you find yourself wanting to get in on the conversation (and learn a ton about sex and desire along the way) check out the following digital sex-positive workshops and events to sign up for ASAP.

6 sex-positive workshops to sign up for this summer

1. Mindful Sex: Engaging Mind & Body for the Best Sex Ever with Dr. Holly Richmond
June 24 at 6:30 p.m., ET, $15

Hosted by sexual-wellness company, this workshop features somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, LMFT, who will give tips on having—you guessed it—the best sex ever.

“Having sex is both an emotional and physical experience, so it makes sense to use the mind and the body as resources for pleasure and connection,” reads the event description. “Using methods of mindfulness and tantra practices, and drawing on principles of neuroscience and polyvagal theory, participants will learn to use the mind and body together—not focus on one over the other—to have their best sex ever.”

2. Afrosexology Less Oppression More Orgasms
June 25 at 7 p.m., ET $97

This workshop invites Black people of all genders, sexual orientations, gender expressions, disabilities, and religions to join in on a workshop about getting in touch with your most erotic self. “We all have a source of power, knowledge, and pleasure within us that comes from the erotic. The erotic informs us of the relationships, experiences, and things we desire in our life. Now is the time to honor and reclaim our erotic selves, erotic voice, and erotic power. It’s time for us to reject the sex negativity that this world projects onto us so we can begin living lives full of pleasure,” reads the event page.

The price on this one may seem steep, but you’ll walk away with a 25-page workshop and a “curated list of resources for your sexual liberation journey.” Afrosexology will also host a followup workshop on June 28, 2020 at 5 p.m., ET, for those outside the Black community, also $97.

3. Feminist Sex Ed: Queer Sex 101
June 25 at 8:30 p.m., ET, $20 

“Mainstream sex ed probably hasn’t answered the questions you have about having sex as a queer (or questioning) person, but now, they’ll be answered,” reads the event page. Hosted by sex educator Cassandra Corrado, the curriculum of this particular evening will include learning about sexual wellness from a queer perspective, finding your euphoria in the bedroom, and creating the love and pleasure you deserve.

4. Sticky Stories: A Very Sticky Send-Off
June 26 at 7:30 p.m., ET, suggested $30 donation

The Center for Sexual Pleasure and Health (CSPH), which has been instrumental in providing open discourse and dialogue about the many shades of sex and sexuality, is at risk for going out of business by the end of the summer. To help keep its doors open, the company will be transforming the next in its event series, Sticky Stories, into a fund-raiser. Expect live readings, diary entries, sex adventures (and misadventures) at these live events.

5. Couples Communication: How to Have Your Needs Met
July 8 at 6:30 p.m., ET, $15

Another event hosted by Dame Products, this workshop will investigate the tricky territory of coupled conversation during COVID-19. Led by licensed therapist and Viva Wellness co-founder Jor-El Caraballo, LMHC, you’ll log off from the session with new strategies for how to talk about your needs effectively with your partner in good times and in the midst of arguments.

6. KEW 2020 Virtual Kink Educational Workshop
July 25-26, suggested donation of $40

A whole weekend of kink intel is coming up at the end of July, and it’s sure to be an educational couple of days. With 18 courses available for you to sign up for, including “Domming from the bottom” and “Impact for non-masochist,” you’re likely to expand your pleasure horizons.

The research on how long vulva-owners need in order to get from point A to point O is (mostly) MIA, but some science offers helpful hints: “The best data we have suggests it takes about 11 to 21 minutes for people with vulvas to reach full arousal and potential orgasm,” says certified sex therapist and K-Y partner Holly Richmond, PhD.

But, adds sexologist and podcast host Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, ‘how long does it take to have an orgasm’ isn’t the question we should be asking in order to maximize our sexual experience. Compare this average-orgasm-time question to the idea of how long it takes to run a marathon: “Even if you tell me the average time is four hours, it might still take me two days,” Dr. O’Reilly says, highlighting the reality that averages don’t really matter in the scope of your own real personal experience. Furthermore, let’s not forget that trusty old fable about the tortoise and the hare, because even with orgasms, faster doesn’t always mean better.

Let’s not forget that trusty old fable about the tortoise and the hare, because even with orgasms, faster doesn’t always mean better.

Beyond the slow-and-steady case for being happy to take your eyes off the clock, there are a number of reasons you might not be experiencing a Go-to-O situation. Since the brain is a sexual organ, to reach orgasm optimally, it’s best for your mind and body to be in agreement. “To experience sexual pleasure, the mind needs to be present and be able to focus on the physical sensations taking place,” says Dr. Richmond. That’s why factors like high stress levels, feelings of anger or disappointment with your partner, a preoccupation with reaching your orgasm, or being otherwise distracted can make climaxing more difficult.

Clearly, there’s wisdom to glean from separating the factor of time elapsed from the event of climaxing, but it’s also worth mentioning that, media references aside, it’s reasonable to want to snag a quick orgasm. (We all have places to go and people to see—and all of that’s more enjoyable if you’ve had a recent fruitful romp.) And if you can’t seem to access that expeditious O, it’s easy to grow impatient with your body. So, below, experts offer their top tips for squeezing in an orgasm without worrying about the time it takes.

Below, learn 8 steps for how to orgasm faster without stressing about the clock

1. Ask your partner to relax

“Pressure is the antithesis to pleasure,” says Dr. O’Reilly, so if your partner is guilty of this, even if unintentionally, ask them them to quit it. Explain that knowing there’s no rush helps you to better relax and get out of your own head.

If that chat doesn’t do the trick? Reconsider your partner’s place in your life as your partner. “Partners who take your orgasm personally or make you self-conscious about your orgasm likely aren’t the right partner for you,” says sexologist Jill McDevitt, PhD.

2. Practice mindfulness

Practicing mindfulness in some way every day can benefit you mentally, physically, and sexually by providing you with the necessary tools to tune out stress and tune into your body. According to Dr. McDevitt, there’s no wrong way to practice mindfulness in order to reap bedroom benefits: meditation apps, mindful workouts, tantric masturbation, and this five-minute meditation for better sex are all great options.

3. Explore…yourself

If you’re not clear on how you like to be touched, how can you expect a partner to know? So, take the time to explore. Some suggestions: Rub your clitoris clockwise and then counterclockwise, diagonally and then side-to-side. Pinch and pull your nipples. Penetrate yourself using a finger or a toy. Try finding your G-spot and your A-spot. Touch your own butt.

Dr. McDevitt also recommends experimenting with edging, aka prolonging an orgasm. Edging entails “building yourself up to orgasm, but backing off before the actual orgasm,” she says. Not only can this lead to longer, stronger orgasms when you do let them happen, but it also “teaches you to focus on the hot sensation of the buildup and allows you to be okay with the ‘goal’ being prolonged.”

4. Communicate with your partner

Now that you know what you like, don’t force your partner to guess. Start the conversation about what you like when you’re outside the bedroom, before you’ve started engaging in the act.

“Most partners find enormous pleasure in the pleasure of their partner, and they willingly and readily accept this guidance,” says Dr. Richmond. Plus, open communication may lead your partner to share what they like in bed, too. So, goodbye guessing games; hello, mutual satisfaction!

And, pro tip: Don’t hesitate to reignite the conversation while you’re experimenting with dirty talk.

5. Try a vibrator

“Vibrators are simply able to move at constant speed and intensity in a way that a hand, finger, or finger is not,” says Dr. McDevitt. She says a toy like the The Miracle Massager is a great first vibrator (though, personally, I recommend the Le Wand Point).

And, before you ask: No, you can’t get addicted to a vibrator. And no, a vibrator won’t desensitize your clitoris. Those are myths!

6. Be a bit selfish in the bedroom

One study shows that women consistently value their partner’s orgasm over their own, which is why Dr. O’Reilly really wants you to be more selfish in bed. That means asking for more of what you want, leaving when you feel pressured, speaking up when you don’t enjoy something, and even asking them to consider delaying their own orgasm or learning to last longer so that you two are on the same page.

7. Try a grounding exercise

A grounding exercise can be helpful if you’re in the middle of a partnered or solo session and just aren’t feeling it. To try it, Dr. Richmond says to stop (or ask your partner(s) to pause), then sit or lay with your eyes open in a comfortable position. Take five full inhales and exhales, then name five things you can see, four things you can touch, three things you can hear., two things you can smell, and one thing you can taste. (Note: These don’t have to be sex-related features, but they can be).

“This will help bring you into the present moment and interrupt any thoughts you’re having about how long it’s taken you to orgasm in the past, or anxious feelings you’re having about how long it might take you now,” says Dr. Richmond.

8. Meet with a sex therapist or coach

“There are people who are well-trained to help,” says Dr. McDevitt. So if you’re continuing to feel self-conscious about any aspect of your orgasm, or it’s affecting your relationship with yourself or your partner, why not invest in a qualified sex coach or therapist? It’s a win-win all-around.