By Jacqueline Tempera

By Alexa Fricilone

And while a temporary relationship doesn’t exactly scream romantic, experts say a cuffing season relationship can have serious benefits. That’s if you go about it the right way.

It’s basically a shortcut into the cozy stage of a relationship, says licensed marriage and family therapist Shadeen Francis. “While [it] might not have the same depth as a long-term relationship, some of these short-term bonds can feel really soothing and comforting,” she says.

Think about it: Summer flings get all the hype thanks to outdoor happy hours and the promise of weekend trips, but winter is just too d*mn frigid for all that activity. Spending large amounts of time indoors and not seeing friends out and about can affect how you’re feeling. (You’ve seen The Shining, right?)

“When there’s not as much going on outdoors, not having to be alone indoors in those darker winter months, it’s good for people’s mental health to not be isolated,” says Dr. Holly Richmond, a certified sex therapist and author of Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life.

As social circles get smaller and slower, what’s a gal to do besides find a cutie to hide with under hygge-style blankets and make out with in-between Netflix binges?

If you’re considering nabbing a special someone to keep you warm and ~entertained~ before the chill sets in, peep this expert-approved guide to cuffing season.

First things first: What is cuffing season?

With “cuffing” popping up in the Urban Dictionary 10 years ago, you’re probably familiar with the concept and even participated in a few cuffing seasons of your own (get it!). As a refresher, “cuffing season” is the time of year when the weather starts to turn cooler and people start seeking relationships to get them through those upcoming long, chilly nights.

The thought process? “During the cold winter months, people are less motivated to leave the warmth and comfort of their homes and meet others for social gatherings,” says relationship researcher Marisa T. Cohen, PhD. “Instead, people would rather find one person to spend their time with at home.”

These relationships are normally short-term, but that doesn’t necessarily mean your seasonal boo won’t turn into a year-long bae. But more on that later…

When is cuffing season?

Couples typically start to cuff off in the late fall or early winter and then stay together until the weather starts to thaw in the spring. But it’s not just the weather that’s to blame for this impulse to couple up during the winter, there’s a biological aspect as well.

With serotonin levels naturally dropping with the temperature, people can start to feel a bit down, Cohen explains, triggering a desire to find someone to spend time with to combat these feelings.

In addition, anyone who’s seen a certain genre of movies has witnessed the social norm of having a plus one during the holiday trifecta of Christmas, New Year’s, and Valentine’s Day. If you feel more pressure to not be alone during these events, you’re not, well, alone.

“Look at rom-coms [since] forever, it’s like, you need someone to take home for Christmas,” Richmond says. “They’re either going home or they’re going to events, there are things happening where they feel like they should be partnered.”

Richmond adds that she would even consider Halloween as another holiday where there are starting to be societal norms around not showing up at a party without a plus one. “They’re just all holidays that people like to spend with someone else, and in this case, a romantic partner,” she says.

How do I find a seasonal bae?

On an average day, it’s hard enough to find someone worthy of your time. Factor in shorter days, fewer chances for a meet-cute since you’re inside all the time, and an instinct to just pull the covers over your head until spring. It can make dating prospects feel dismal.

But, say you matched with the cutest person in 60 swipes or have your eye on a friend-of-a-friend adjacent to your social bubble. Be upfront that you’re looking to cuff—then, you can focus on how their personality gels with yours. Try, “I’d love to hang out if you’re down, but I’m not really into the idea of something long-term. What are your thoughts on something short and simple?” As long as you set those clear boundaries and expectations upfront, you should be good to go.

“So many times, I see one person is much more attached and has this vision of what the relationship is and will be, and the other partner just isn’t on the same page,” says Richmond. “We’re not responsible for someone else’s feelings, but we are responsible for not leading people on.”

So do some swipes on dating apps you can tolerate, resurrect promising conversations you ghosted on two months ago, or take to the DMs. Just be sure both of you know what your connection is all about.

How can I tell if I’ve been cuffed?

If you’re not the one cuffing a partner, the flip side can be confusing. Maybe you started talking or dating at the end of the summer, but then they didn’t stay over after an apple picking outing. What’s happening? Here’s where a vibe check comes in handy.

Are you talking about future plans? Does it happen organically? Do those plans cut off in March or April? Take note of the nature of these conversations because they can signal if your partner is thinking short-term. That can also help you understand where you’re at, too. Take notice of the little voice inside your head and whether it’s telling you that you want more commitment, or that you’re good with where things are at, Francis says.

Of course, the easiest way to find out if you’re being cuffed is to ask (seriously, see above). It doesn’t quite have to be the dreaded “What are we?” conversation. An easy, “Where do you see this going?” will do just fine.

Once you get your answer, what happens next is up to you: Are you interested in getting to know more about each other, or is your connection good as is? If you’re okay with the ‘ship status quo, keep it going until you pack your sweaters away in storage again. But if not, it’s best to cut things off now and find someone who wants the same things you do.

Should I participate in cuffing season or nah?

Cuffing isn’t for everyone—if you want to go through winter with your fine self, more power to you. But even those craving attention and affection should think about what they actually need at this moment in life, lest they settle for a cuddle buddy hiding red flags underneath a cozy blanket or fall into a relationship they never really wanted.

*Checks calendar* Okay, cuffing season is over. What now?

If you’ve enjoyed hanging out for a few months but aren’t looking to carry on the relationship any further, that’s totally your call. Decide how much or how little contact you’d like to have with the person from this point on, and then off you go!

But if you’re interested in continuing the relationship? That’s totally okay, too! Asking yourself questions like, “Does this person have the attributes or traits that are important to me in a partner?,” “Do we share the same values?,” or “What do I like about how I feel with this person?” are all good considerations before jumping into a conversation about making the relationship long-term. And yes, you will need to have a conversation.

“As with all relationships, it is important to keep the lines of communication open and to be comfortable and vulnerable enough to share your needs, desires, and fears,” says Cohen. “Therefore, if you are in a caring and secure relationship and want to see it continue, let your partner know. Be honest and share your feelings.”

So, take the time to talk it out with your partner. And if you’re both on the same page, then the next step is easy–start planning which patios you’ll visit and what drinks you’ll be having once it’s warm enough.

Here are some tips to help you decide if cuffing season is worth your time.

You’ll often hear people refer to these interests as sexual kinks or fetishes. But what exactly are fetishes and sexual kinks? And why do people have them?

Sex therapist Kelifern Pomeranz, PsyD, says that all fetishes are kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes. “A fetish is a sexual attraction to inanimate objects, body parts, or situations not commonly viewed as being sexual in nature, [while] a kink is a broader term that includes a variety of sexual interests, behaviors, preferences, and fantasies that are thought to be outside of the mainstream.”

According to Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and the author of Tell Me What You Want, fetishes and unusual sexual interests develop gradually. A person might see a particular stimulus—like, say, a boot—while they’re sexually aroused, and eventually come to associate arousal with boots.

Or, Lehmiller says, grouping an object or body part together with orgasm might prompt a person to seek out that same object or body part in the future because the brain expects the same reward. (Orgasms, of course, floods the brain with dopamine, the neurotransmitter that regulates motivation and pleasure.)

Fetishes get stigmatized because they’re reasonably rare. Plus, there’s a lot of sexual shame in our culture. And they often involve impulses that puzzle the masses: Bees all over your genitals? Unbounded attraction to vomit? But the brain wants what it wants.

If you’re interested in exploring a kink or sexual fetish with your partner, communication is key. “Set aside time for this conversation when you are both relaxed and when you are getting along,” Pomeranz suggests.

And make sure to come informed: “Do your research and share well-informed and reliable information. Share articles, videos, books, and information from sex researchers, academics, educators, and therapists normalizing and supporting your interest.” You essentially want to put their fears and anxieties at ease. Exploring any type of sexual kink or fetish will always require consent and patience.

t’s okay if it’s a bit awkward at first, says Holly Richmond, PhD, a certified sex therapist based in New York. “People can get in their heads about whether it’s weird, but let yourself off the hook about any judgments.” As long as it’s consensual and pleasurable, you’re doing it right.

If you want to learn more about different forms of sexual play, here’s a list of 21 sexual kinks and fetishes you may not have heard about before.

1. Cuckolding

Cuckolding is a form of BDSM and power play, says Richmond.

The act calls for one person to watch their partner have sex with someone else or listen to stories about their partner having sex with someone else. The goal here is usually humiliation. The person watching or listening is turned on by their partner desiring someone else over them. They enjoy the stimulation of being cheated on and experimenting with an act that’s considered taboo.

And while it’s not a rule, cuckolding typically involves a man whose woman partner, whether that’s a wife or girlfriend, has sex with another man and cosplays desiring the other man over her husband or boyfriend.

2. Klismaphilia

This turn-on is one experienced by people who find enemas arousing, says Richmond. A Greek term, klismaphilia, refers to the pleasure someone experiences from relieving themselves while using an enema, they enjoy the pressurized feeling. For others, it’s the feeling or knowledge of having their bowels cleaned. And in other cases, it’s all about giving someone an enema or preparing the body for an enema. Most klismaphiles discover their fetish after having a doctor-recommended enema in childhood.

3. Nylons

“If someone has a fetish for nylons it means they’re attracted to someone wearing nylons or putting them on,” says Richmond. “The tactile part turns them on.”

Men usually, she says, report enjoying the feeling of sitting on their mothers’ laps and feeling her nylons underneath their legs. For others, they felt pleasure watching someone put nylons on in a film, and sometimes people just enjoy the feeling of putting them on or peeling them off.

4. Pregnancy

This one’s exactly what it sounds like—some people are aroused by pregnant people. The starting point is usually porn, says Richmond. There are numerous sections on popular porn websites dedicated to it—even dating websites dedicated to men connecting with pregnant women.

But sometimes, simply seeing expecting mothers, particularly during childhood, is what sets things off. An older sibling watching their mother preparing to deliver their younger sibling can manifest itself into this fetish later in life.

And what people consider pleasurable about pregnancy differs. For some, it’s the “glow” pregnant women have. Sometimes, is seeing a large round belly (the bigger the better) and heavy breasts filled with milk (more on that fetish later). And for others, is the fact that it seems taboo—though pregnant women can have sex.

5. Whips

Considering how mainstream whips have become in media portrayals of kink and fetishism, this one might not be so surprising.

Richmond recommends, however, starting slowly if you’re new to using whips. This kind of power and punishment play is really fun, but can get painful very quickly if you and your partner don’t talk it out first. Ask where they’d like to be whipped and discuss a scale to assess pain, 10 being the hardest whip and 1 being the softest.

It’s also a good idea to come up with a safe word other than “stop.” Go for something totally random that you’d never say during sex. Maybe try: “sticker” or “asphalt.”

6. Wax

Wax play is another common part of BDSM often depicted least on television, books, and film.

It involves dripping wax onto someone or having wax dripped on you, says Richmond. The biggie here is using appropriate candles. The scented ones you’ve got around your house will likely not do the trick and might even burn you or your partner. Opt for paraffin or soy candles that slowly pool wax as they burn and don’t instantly harden when poured onto the body—this way you can have bit of fun moving the wax around before it stiffens.

7. Bondage

Carole Queen, PhD, and author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone describes bondage as a type of activity where you restrain your partner with things like rope, non-stick tape, or cuffs. “Bondage is a trust exercise above all, and can be done for its own sake—Japanese bondage, in particular, is aesthetically beautiful and sexy to do—or to add to other kinds of sensation, from intercourse to spanking and more,” says Queen.

She warns, however, that it should be practiced with caution as any kind of bondage that is too tight is not only uncomfortable but can cause permanent nerve damage. To make sure you’re practicing bondage safely, it’s best to school yourself on best practices and most importantly set boundaries to ensure the safety of all those involved in the practice. One common practice is the use of a safe word, which signals that the bondage needs to end immediately.

8. Age Play

Age play is a kind of fetish that involves an exchange of power, says Jill McDevitt, PhD, a sexologist at CalExotics.

In this activity, partners will role play and act as if they are different ages than what they actually are. “A common combination is an adult and a ‘baby’ who would be cared for like an infant or young child,” says McDevitt. Age play can also be categorized as a form of dominance and submission play, where the partner playing the younger person is often the submissive. This isn’t to be confused with autonepiophilia, where the person gets sexual pleasure from dressing up or acting as a baby, not necessarily the act of role playing as someone of a different age—more on that in a bit.

9. Quirofilia

Quirofilia can also be known as a hand fetish. And since any eroticization of a specific part of the body is often referred to as partialism, quirofilia is sometimes referred to as hand partialism.

A person into quirofilia is especially drawn to fingers and hands. Queen says that this fetish really isn’t too surprising, since hands are such significant sexual tools. “Many of us have daydreamed about the feeling of hands all over us, so this just takes such an erotic focus a few steps farther.”

Quirofilia may involve an attraction to certain parts of the hands, manicures or certain acts performed by the hands, from washing dishes to handjobs. If you have a hand fetish and want to explore it with your partner, you should talk to them about ways you can introduce it into your sex life, maybe as a form of foreplay.

10. Foot fetishism

A foot fetish means you’re sexually aroused by feet, also referred to as foot partialism. People with foot fetishes may be attracted to seeing feet in certain footwear such as high heels, they might enjoy interactions with feet including massaging or toe-sucking, while some prefer embellishments on the feet such as a fresh pedicure or a tattoo.

In certain cases, a person may appreciate the feet more than the person they’re attached to, says Queen, but [feet] should really be looked at as an added source of a turn-on, not a substitute for a real connection with another person. “In fact, you can think of any kink basically this way: a “cherry-on-top” erotic treat, or a way to focus desire and arousal.”

Read the Rest at Women’s Health

Bachelorette star Katie Thurston has made it very clear that she’s sex-positive. And, with that, plenty of conversations have already happened on the show around sex.

Now, it seems, there’s an entire group date happening around one aspect of sex in particular: having a safe word.

Katie dropped a sneak peek photo on Instagram from episode two of her season that shows herself hanging out next to a mannequin and comedian and actress Heather McDonald. “Shoutout to @heathermcdonald for helping me host a #nsfw group date! Remember to tune in Monday nights on ABC!” she wrote, before diving into the definition of a safe word.

“Safe Word: a word serving as a prearranged and unambiguous signal to end an activity, such as between a dominant and submissive sexual couple,” Katie wrote. “Our Safe Word: Peaches 🍑.”

Katie has made it super clear on and off the show that she wants to have sex-positive dates. “You’ll see [sex positivity] incorporated throughout the season in various ways that make it light and fun but also make it serious and important,” she recently told Women’s Health. “I think having both of those views of it are a good way to kind of start the conversation.”

OK, but asking for a friend here: Who needs a safe word, and what should it be?

So…why is it important to have a safe word?

If you’re going to be doing any kind of role play, BDSM, or really anything that pushes you out of your comfort zone, you need a safe word.

“The purpose of a safe word is to signal an immediate response, when you are too immersed in an experience that you consent to and don’t have the language to elaborate fully,” says Janet Brito, PhD, an AASECT certified sex therapist and supervisor, and founder of the Hawaii Center for Sexual and Relationship Health. “It lets your consenting partner know that you have reached your limit, and are requesting an end to the activity.”

Things can get heated in bed, and a safe word is something that you’ll want to whip out if the situation goes too far or you or your partner cross a line that you didn’t anticipate, Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist, previously told Women’s Health.

Once you hear or say the safe word, the situation should shut down immediately and you or your partner should comfort each other, Richmond says. (You and your partner should talk about this beforehand, just to make sure you’re both on the same page.)

How do you pick a safe word?

It should be something that you wouldn’t normally hear or say in the bedroom. “It’s best if the safe words are simple and easy to reference,” Brito says, adding that the word should be “neutral.”

“Safe words like names of fruits, favorite hobbies, meaningful words or places you both like or that describe a place you fondly remember are helpful to remember and easier to respond to than a sexually charged word that may have a double meaning,” she says.

Some examples: Milkshake, Turtleneck, Red (like, ya know, a stoplight)

Words you don’t want to use are things you might say during role play, but not actually mean, like “no” or “stop.”

When should you use a safe word?

If you feel at all uncomfortable, you’re in pain, or you’re feeling triggered, reach for your safe word. A safe word is “a type of quick communication to inform your consenting partner that you need to stop or pause to get comfortable again, or to completely stop the activity due to requiring additional support—medical, emotional, or physical,” Brito says.

Ultimately, the safe word is there to help you both maintain respectful boundaries, Brito says. So, if you need it, use it.

You’re horny, bored, and/or stressed out (thanks, endless news cycle!). What’s a woman to do? Masturbate, of course!

See, masturbating doesn’t just feel good (but it does!), it’s also legit good for you. And that’s true no matter which of the million different ways to masturbate you choose.

Okay, but what are the health benefits of masturbation?

The fact that it feels phenom is reason enough to get down with your bad self. But the health perks will have you reaching into your panties faster than you can say, “vibrator.” These perks include:

It lowers your stress levels.

“Masturbation releases stress and anxiety,” says Leah Millheiser, MD, clinical assistant professor and director of female sexual medicine at Stanford University Medical Center. “We know that you get total-body relaxation after an orgasm, which is great for someone who’s tense.”

It’s good for your vaginal health.

“Masturbation increases blood flow to the genitals, which is important because blood flow keeps the vagina healthy,” says Dr. Millheiser.

You can’t get pregnant.

I know what you’re thinking: duh! But if you’re looking to avoid pregnancy or eliminate your risk of STIs, masturbation is the way to go, says Wendasha Jenkins Hall, PhD, a sex educator and researcher. All the pleasure, none of the risk!

It quells cramps.

Motrin? Pfft. Try masturbating! Orgasming releases the body’s natural pain relievers: dopamine and serotonin.

It improves partnered play.

A solid solo session is crazy-good for your partnered (and multi-parterned, if you’re into that) sex life in all sorts of ways. For one, it may help you get more comfortable in bed. “People who don’t masturbate are more likely to have difficulty reaching orgasm with a partner,” Dr. Millheiser explains. It makes sense: How can we expect a partner to touch us if we don’t know how to touch ourselves??

During a solo session you’ll learn what feels good, explains Megan Fleming, PhD, a psychologist and sex therapist. “Relay that insight to your partner and you’re destined for better partner sex, including orgasms, which promote bonding.”

New to masturbation? Here’s what you should know about your body:

Before you can “rock your body” Justin Timberlake–style, you first have to knowyour body. “It’s essential for women to be able to identify their anatomy,” says Janet Brito, PhD, a licensed psychologist and certified sex therapist in Honolulu.

That’s why she recommends using a combination of diagrams and hands-on learning to suss out what is what…

1. Sit down with a diagram of the female anatomy.

Admit it: The last time you looked at a diagram of the female anatomy was during your seventh grade health class (just me?). Spend some time looking at, and even memorizing it. As you do, be sure to say the anatomical words out loud! In a world that under-values vulva-owners, doing so is an act of power!

2. Bust out a mirror to look at your own.

Unless you’re in Cirque du Soleil, getting a real good look at your vulva and vagina is going to be physically impossible. That’s why Brito recommends beginning your personal investigation the old-fashioned way: with a hand-held mirror. It’s really the best way to see what your vulva **actually** looks like, she says.

3. Find your clit.

The clitoris (a.k.a. your best friend) is where the masturbation magic usually happens. Home to a whopping 15,000 (!) nerve endings, it should come as no surprise that some 37 percent to 73 percent of vulva-owners NEED clitoral stimulation to orgasm, according to research. Depending on your anatomy, finding your clit may be easier said than done, but it’s worth the effort.

4. Locate the other parts, too.

True, odds are high that you’ll need clitoral stimulation to cross the finish line. But that doesn’t mean touching allllll the other parts of your vulva can’t feel good. Brito encourages you to take your time to explore and name all parts of your body to figure out what feels good and what’s just meh. “Touch gently and, with curiosity, label the parts that feel most sensitive, arousing, ticklish, and uncomfortable,” she says.

5. Acknowledge any shame you might be feeling.

“At best, we’re told to never discuss [masturbation] and keep it to the confines of our bedrooms. At worst, we’re taught to avoid it altogether,” Hall explains.

The result of these (lack of) teachings leave some masturbators with a challenge to overcome: Believing that masturbating is wrong, says Fleming. But nothing could be further from the case. “There is absolutely nothing shameful about self-pleasuring, and there’s nothing to feel guilty about after you do it,” she says.

If shame comes up for you, “start by owning that that’s what you’re experiencing,” she says. “Then, tell yourself that those feelings are a result of internalized sex negativity.” If a self pep-talk isn’t enough (it may not be!), she recommends seeing a certified sex therapist. They specialize in replacing what she calls “the wet blanket of shame” with pleasure.

Before you masturbate, set the scene…

You change the sheets, light candles, and cue up your fave sex playlist when you’re about to get it on with another person, so why not put in the same amount of effort when it’s DIY time?

6. Clean your room.

It’s kinda hard to feel sexy if your room’s covered in month-old laundry and yesterday’s takeout containers. So, “start by creating a relaxing, comfortable space in your home, full of privacy and free of interruption,” says Brito.

Plus, she notes, Marie Kondo–ing your space can help clear your mind, giving you more room to focus on identifying what feels pleasurable and, consequently, increasing your chances of having that big O.

7. Lock your door.

This one might seem obvious, but so many people skip it. Locking your door, even if you’re home alone, can clear your brain of any worry of someone barging in. Sometimes, that’s all your mind really needs to get centered.

It’s not that it’s so much about secrecy but about privacy, explains Holly Richmond, PhD, a certified sex therapist and somatic psychologist. “We all deserve privacy. Feeling like you have to keep things secret and hurrying up or hiding typically creates shame.” By locking your door, you can create your own private space and, in turn, feel more comfortable…and confident.

In some cases, though, you might want someone to walk in on you, says Richmond. After all, it’s totally hot. If this is your sexual fantasy, talk it out. Tell your partner: “Hey, I’m a voyeur,” or “the idea of catching you doing this really turns me on. Can we set up a scene in which we make this happen?”

8. Put your phone away.

Masturbation is “me time”—plain and simple. Do your best to pretend the outside world doesn’t exist (buh bye, phone) and tune into what’s going on inside your bod. “A woman who can practice mindfulness is much more likely to reach orgasm sooner,” says Dr. Millheiser. “While masturbating, if you find that your mind is wandering off, recognize that and gently bring it back to focus.”

Using your phone to explore erotic content (more on this below)? Put that thang on Do Not Disturb. Last thing you want is a message from your boss popping up when you’re about to finish…

9. Thank your body.

Everyone has hang-ups that make them feel lesser-than when it comes to their bodies. Let that ish go, especially when you’re masturbating!

Rather than dwelling on parts you’re not totally satisfied with (like, say, your stomach), focus on the sensuality of your curves and how capable your body is of pleasure. Research links having a positive body image with greater sexual satisfaction. So, far from being frivolous, loving your body can help you, ya know, love on your body.

10. Break out your fave lingerie and underwear.

Why save your sexiest underwear for an audience? If the black lace bra you haven’t worn since V-day makes you feel sexy, or that pair of Calvin Klein briefs brings you gender euphoria, put ‘em on! Taking them off can be part of the scene too, as Amy Levine, sex coach and founder of Ignite your Pleasure previously told Women’s Health. As each article comes off, think about what you love most about your body to get all kinds of turned on, she says.

Try alllll the different types of masturbation…
There’s no right or wrong way to touch yourself when you masturbate. But this list of all the different ways to masturbate may give you some new tricks that’ll take your self-made orgasm to the next level. Let’s begin.

11. Touch your non-genital erogenous zones.

Instead of going from zero to vagina, spend time romancing your non-genital erogenous zones. There’s no rush!

“It’s not all about the genitals,” Richmond explains. “The best sex is sensation-based, when we’re in our bodies and not in our heads.” It’s all about enjoying the senses, tastes, sounds, and smells of eroticism, versus just grabbing a toy and mindlessly going at it.

“If you are in the early stages [of masturbating], you want to get to know the areas of your body that make you tick,” adds Dr. Millheiser. And the vulva and vagina aren’t the only areas that can turn you on, she says.

12. Head south.

“Starting with your fingers is the best way to engage in masturbation,” Dr. Millheiser says. Plus, you’ll simulate the feeling of a partner’s fingers around your vagina, which can help you tap into the right mindset. From there, you can build up the sensation in other ways (more on that in a sec).

13. Insert your fingers.

If you’ve just pulled into the self-service station, you might as well try penetrative masturbation—using your fingers, a dildo, or a phallic-shaped vibrator—to see if you like it. If you don’t, NBD, you’re still one step closer to knowing what you *do* like.

14. Explore the backdoor.

“You don’t have to go inside the ass to enjoy its pleasure-potential,” Fleming says. The entrance of the anus has as many nerve endings as the tip of the penis (about 4,000).

When you begin “exploring anal masturbation, start externally and get comfortable and familiar with the sensation,” Carol Queen, PhD, a staff sexologist at previously told Women’s Health. Add a squirt of lube to your finger and simply circle the entrance to start.

15. Combine multiple types of stimulation.

“The whole is greater than the sum of our sexual parts,” says Nan Wise, PhD, a licensed psychotherapist and certified sex therapist. Translation: Combining stimulation from multiple erogenous zones(e.g. clitoris, vagina, cervix, nipple, inner thighs, and anus) can add up to some serious pleasure.

Some pleasure-seekers can actually orgasm from touching their nipples alone. Try putting one hand on your breast and the other inside you. “Give yourself permission to lay down and let your hands wander,” advises Brito.

16. Focus on the task at hand (pun intended).

But “you don’t have to turn off your mind to orgasm,” says Wise. Instead, she suggests “paying attention to sensations”—not unlike how you pay attention to your breath when meditating.

17. Take your time.

Don’t rush it! Take as much time as you need, says Richmond. If you can make it an all-day affair, why not pull a Samantha Jones and make it one?! “Once a week or once every couple of weeks, maybe go into a self-pleasure session without orgasm having to be on the menu,” Richmond suggests. Doing so can help you really explore your body instead of just rubbing one out real quick.

18. Play around with positions.

You switch positions in sex, so why not when you masturbate too? “There is no one position that works for everyone. You have to experiment and find what’s right for you,” Dr. Millheiser says.

Some people like to rub their clit against the bed, while others like to lay on their backs. Some like to keep their knees bent; others like to splay their legs out straight, and others still like to lift their legs into a V-shape. It doesn’t matter what your personal taste is—but you won’t know until you move around.

19. Focus on pleasure, not orgasm.

Wise says the most important part of masturbation is simply to “savor the sensation” and not set out with the intention of orgasm. “Being in the experience is key,” she says.

Sorta like with actual sex and relationships, it’s best not to go into masturbating with any expectations—even achieving orgasm—because that can make you feel anxious, says Brito.

Still, if you find yourself freaking out because nothing’s “happening,” especially during your first me-sesh, that’s totally normal and completely okay. Remember that you’re experimenting in the name of being sexually healthy and don’t need to impress anyone.

Your only job is to “focus on discovering what feels the most pleasurable to you,” she says. Take your time, and just feel it out. Literally.

Add in some erotic aids…

“We have sooo many different types of erotica available,” says Fleming. “Why not explore what works for you?”

20. Use your imagination.

Your brain = the best erotic aid! “Everyone has different fantasies,” Dr. Millheiser says. And no fantasy is too bland or too wild! Maybe your fantasy is to make love to your sweetie the way you did on your honeymoon. Maybe your fantasy features you and a young Ewan McGregor from Moulin Rouge…(Just me? Okay). Maybe you’re taking a page from Rihanna’s playbook and envisioning whips and chains.

“Fantasizing is a time to discover what turns you on—and not judge it,” explains Brito. Just let your imagination run wild and see where it takes you.

For the record: It’s totally normal to fantasize about genders you’re not attracted to IRL. Some straight women fantasize about being with another woman or a girl-on-girl sexual scene, Dr. Millheiser says. (That’s shouldn’t be too surprising considering many straight women get off to lesbian porn.) And some lesbians masturbate while thinking about a man—that’s normal too. “No matter what your fantasy is, you don’t have to question your sexuality,” Dr. Millheiser says.

21. Watch some ethical porn.

If your imagination just isn’t cutting it (no worries), there’s no reason not to break out the big guns: porn. Rather than going for the free (and TBH, usually misogynistic) stuff, invest in some ethical porn. Another option is to re-watch the scene in a sexy movie over and over again. Heck, if you have an old video of you and your partner stashed somewhere safe on your phone, go ahead and enjoy that!

22. Listen to audio erotica.

Not a visual learner? Thanks to audio erotica, you can listen to a tale that’ll get you all hot and bothered and let your mind do the rest of the work. “There’s an app called Dipsea filled with tons of sexy audio stories to get you going,” Richmond says. “[Some people] like the story around it, they like being able to create their own visuals.”

23. Curl up with page porn.

Erotica, page porn, R-rated books. Whatever you name them, naughty texts are a great way to explore what turns you on. And by the way, the genre doesn’t start and stop with Fifty Shades, #bless. Here are 25 other erotica novels to get your hands on right now.

Bring in some of the best sex toys for masturbating…
Whether you have arthritis (damn you, computer keys) or wanna switch things up, a sex toy can really take your self-pleasure game to another level.

24. Lube it up.

Lubrication is a pretty important part of masturbating because “it makes stimulating your genitals much more comfortable,” says Dr. Millheiser. (Preach.) And that stands whether it’s store-bought or body-made!

Bottle lube especially comes in handy for masturbators on birth control pills, which can cause vaginal dryness, Dr. Millheiser says. It’s also a great addition to anyone who’s dehydrated— because being dehydrated affects natural lubrication levels.

If dryness is a legit issue for you, and you’re not using a silicone sex toy, try silicone-based lubes, which last longer and reduce friction, Dr. Millheiser says. But if you’re just looking for a little extra wetness for more fun—or have a silicone vibe—stick to a water-based formula. (It won’t break down your buzzing friend.)

25. Play with a vibrator.

The modern vibe is pretty much the best thing since sliced bread (better, even). These days, most vibrators are specifically made to give you that clitoral stimulation you crave. From bullet vibrators to magic wands (that, yes, live up to the name), there are a ton of options out there for you to try. Treat yourself!

26. Try an oral-sex simulator.

Toys are fun—especially ones that bring a different kind of pleasure to the party. There’s such a thing as oral-sex simulators, and they’re, well, AH-mazing.

First, consider , which Dr. Millheiser recommends to clients and friends all. the. time. “It’s a suction cup that uses an oscillating pressure,” she explains. “It’s almost as if it doesn’t allow you to hold yourself back. It gently pulls an orgasm out of you.” (Sounds kinda nice, doesn’t it?)

Then, there’s the Lelo Sona Cruise 2, which also mimics cunnilingus but has an extra-cool feature where the suction gets more intense when you press the vibe harder into your skin. 10/10 recommend.

27. Try another kind of sex toy.

From nipple clamps to nipple pumps, non-vibrating wands to electricity sticks, C-rings to genital sleeves, there are more types of sex toys than there are masturbation tips.

Hall specifically recommends a stainless steel or glass toy. You can place it “in the fridge or warm water before a session, then use it on sensitive areas like the breasts or thighs to provoke sensually intense reactions,” she says. Hot! (Or should I say, cold??)

28. Move your body *while* playing with these toys.

As tempting as it may be to make your toy do all the heavy lifting, try to get your body into it. Rock your hips to the rhythm of the vibration, or move your pelvis in a circular, figure 8-style motion. Doing so will help you stay present and maximize all the sensations you’re feeling. You might even happen upon some erogenous you didn’t know would get you going, says Richmond.

Other ways to change up your solo sex…
Just because you’re alone doesn’t mean masturbation should be boring. To avoid falling into that trap, try something new.

29. Change where you get down.

Always getting busy while watching Netflix in the living room? Head to your office chair. Usually in bed? Move it to a chair, or the car if you’re feeling especially adventurous, Hall suggests.

30. Take your solo-sex session into the shower.

This location deserves its very own tip because you can treat it like you would a sex toy. A hand-held showerhead might just become your new BFF. According to Dr. Millheiser, many women reach orgasm by pointing the stream of water onto their clitoris. “It’s like a quick and easy vibrator—that pulsating sensation on the most sensitive area on the human body,” she says. (Not to mention, it’s nice and warm.)

31. Try edging

Getting yourself to orgasm during solo play doesn’t mean you always have to go full throttle. ICYDK, there’s a technique known as “edging,” which basically involves masturbating to build up sexual tension in your erogenous zones, then backing off just before you’re about to climax.

“Edging can make orgasm feel much more powerful, intense, and enjoyable,” as Vanessa Marin, a licensed psychotherapist and sex specialist, previously told Women’s Health. And Wise says it’s a solid way to draw out the pleasure before the grand finale, especially if this isn’t your first bedroom rodeo.

32. Make it a show.

“Masturbation doesn’t have to be a solo activity. Masturbating in front of your partner or engaging in mutual masturbation can heighten desire and serve as an opportunity to explore each other’s bodies,” Hall says. This way, you can show your partner exactly what gets you going. Keep an eye on where their hands roam on their own bodies to do a little learning yourself.

This is also a biggie for couples in long-distance relationships. “They can hop on a video call and put on a sexy show for each other,” says Hall. You can bet it’ll make the reunion so. much. hotter.

It’s hard to miss 365 Days. Even if you haven’t watched the subtitled Polish erotic drama on Netflix, you’ve probably seen a hot take or two on it. The film is super steamy, but 365 has also stirred up a lot of controversy since it started streaming June 7.
The Netflix flick is based on the first novel of a trilogy written by Blanka Lipińska, so yes, there are plans for more to come.

Here’s a plot breakdown for you: Laura, played by Anna Maria Sieklucka, gets kidnapped by Massimo, a Sicilian mobster played by Michele Morrone. He gives her a year to fall in love with him and promises not to touch her without her consent. Spoiler, it doesn’t take 365 days until Laura is utterly smitten.

Sounds kinda creepy? You’re not the only one to think so. “There’s a lot of conversation around the toxicity of some of the messages,” Tamekis Williams, clinical social worker, therapist, and owner of Real Life Solutions GA, told Women’s Health.
Still, if you find yourself totally turned on by Laura and Massimo’s lust love story, hey, you’re definitely not alone (and there’s nothing wrong with that either).

Real talk: The ‘love’ Laura feels might actually be Stockholm syndrome.

Stockholm syndrome occurs when a captive becomes attached to, and even identifies with, their captor. Some captives, like Laura, can even develop feelings for the abuser, Williams says. It is a psychological response and a coping mechanism supported with anecdotal evidence—though little academic research has been published on the topic.

The movie uses lavish shopping sprees, yacht voyages, and fine dining as distractions that seemingly work to seduce Laura. Williams cautions viewers against using the movie to romanticize bad behavior in their own relationships. “It just does not erase the fact that this lady is being kidnapped,” Williams says. “They had this whole cat-and-mouse chase that was glorified throughout the movie and covers up the fact that so many laws are being broken.”

Watching abusive, controlling behavior romanticized on-screen can make it feel more acceptable when it happens in real life. Case in point: Repeatedly sending gifts to a woman’s office or home can read as romantic persistence on-screen, when in reality, if these behaviors are unwanted in real life, they’re actually considered stalking or an invasion of privacy, Williams says. “Once again, that’s a violation, there’s nothing cute about that,” says Williams.

“A lot of times we see dysfunction wrapped up in luxury like in 365 Days, and that’s where people really have to be careful,” Williams says. “Don’t sacrifice your safety, your health, your mental health for this false sense of love or for a luxury item. It’s just not worth it.”

But if you’re turned on by this movie, that’s not a bad thing.

The plot is completely made up, so 365 Days is basically a hot romance novel playing out on screen, and you can totally enjoy it for what it is.

“Being ‘taken’ is one of the most common fantasies when I’m working with couples,” says Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist.

These fantasies (and yes, sometimes acting on them IRL) are a way to reignite the spark in a relationship for some. “Those of us in these long-term relationships who are always trying to rekindle sex, it’s the novelty that’s missing; it’s the taboo-ness that’s missing.”

Richmond says couples can bring novelty into a long-term relationship by role playing a scenario like Laura and Massimo’s meet-up. “So, she could ask her partner to literally play out a scene like this, meet at a restaurant, and pretend that they’re strangers and take on those roles.”

Again, movies like 365 Days are so sexy because they’re entertainment—not a documentary: “The reason it works so well for a lot of women in real life is because it’s a fantasy, meaning that we get to control the ending, we know exactly what’s going to happen, and that we’re going to be okay,” says Richmond.

You kinda want to treat it like porn (a.k.a. not a place to get inspo for your #relationshipgoals), says Richmond. (BTW watching porn together as a couple has a ton of relationship benefits, if you’re both into it.) “If it spurs some fantasy and some sexual excitement, all the better.”

Everyone paired up and tied each other up under the guidance of the show’s guest sexologist Shan Boodram. According to Boodram, Shibari is “used to improve trust in relationships.” Too Hot To Handle skimmed over the step-by-step instruction and jumped right into the entertaining, but not altogether accurate, depiction of Shibari.

“It looks like some string was tossed to them, some shapes were shown, and they went at each other while the camera roamed around to pick up the gossip,” Midori, a sexologist, educator, and author of Seductive Art of Japanese Bondage, told Women’s Health. “I felt really bad for the presenter.”

There’s much more to Shibari than what you saw on screen. Here’s everything you need to know about Shibari, according to a Shibari expert and a sex therapist.

So, what is Shibari?

Shibari or Shibaru are forms of the Japanese word to tie, according to Midori. Similarly, Kinbaku essentially means “really tight bondage” and can be used interchangeably. “It is childhood joyous play with adult sexual privilege and cool toys,” she adds.

“Shibari is a form of bondage using ropes and originated in Japan,” adds Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. “They use specific types of rope made out of hemp.”

The type of rope used is important and distinguishes Shibari from other forms of bondage. “The hemp ropes are easier to tie and they don’t hurt as much against the skin,” she told Women’s Health. (That’s right: Shibari is *not* supposed to inflict injuries despite what you saw on Too Hot To Handle…but more on that later). Shibari ropes are softer and a bit thinner than what’s commonly used in Western forms of bondage.

What are some common Shibari terms I should know?

Shibari includes a top (someone who is tying the ropes) and bottom (someone who is being tied up). Rigger refers to “someone tying bondage in a professional context,” according to Midori. While beginners can do floor tie on the literal floor or on a bed, more advanced Shibari may include suspension and lifting someone off the floor using the ropes.

The more recent term ‘bunny’ for someone receiving rope, is problematic because it comes with gendered assumptions, says Midori. All genders can top or bottom, and switch between the roles whenever they like. (Worth noting: Too Hot To Handle did show the men and women taking on both roles.) However, you can self-tie, or Shibari without a partner and tie the ropes on yourself.

Safe words are also an important part of Shibari, as with any BDSM activity. “These are words or signals to indicate that either one of you want to change what’s happening,” says Midori. Richmond agrees and recommends something really random like “poodle.”

What’s the history of Shibari?

Shibari has ancient Japanese roots. “The visual imagery harkens back to how prisoners and criminals were restrained in Japan, during the medieval and edo periods (1200s to late 1800s),” says Midori. Over the years, it found its way into underground adult entertainment venues and then crossed the pond when World War II GIs exported what they saw.

“Today, it’s developed into a 21st century form of pleasure craft, in no small part to sexting, sexuality, and kinky social sites, and all the digital sex pictures sharing mediums,” Midori explains.

Why do people practice Shibari?

“The reason why a lot of people prefer Shibari over traditional bondage is because of the time and attention to detail it takes to perfect these knots,” Richardson told Women’s Health. As a result, Shibari becomes a mindfulness practice, as well.

“The person in the dominant position, who is tying the knot, has to be singularly focused on tying this knot,” says Richardson. “They’re in the present moment, they’re focusing on something tactile, so they’re not in their head about any of the typical things people can get in their heads about during sex.”

It’s mindful for the person in the submissive role as well. “Now, for the person who’s being tied up, they’re staying in the present moment, but they’re focusing on sensation and relinquishing control,” she adds.

Shibari doesn’t have to include penetration or oral sex, either. It can just be about the binds. “By the time you’re touching and tying and wrapping and laughing and moving, then you’re out of your head and into your body,” says Midori. “Your skin comes awake, and you become more bodily aware.”

How can Shibari strengthen your relationship?

Shibari, just like most bondage, is all about control and communication. Both partners are playing with the control dynamics and talking through each step with only rope as a prop. Shibari is meant to encourage feelings of “empowerment on both sides,” says Richardson. It’s also scripted and planned out, so both partners openly communicate about what’s happening and what they’re going to do.

Shibari also includes the intimacy of touch all over. “When ropes go on the body, remember ropes cannot move without somebody’s hands moving,” notes Midori. “So it’s not just the ropes going on the body, it’s somebody touching on you a lot.”

The experience isn’t limited to the tying up portion of Shibari, either. “It’s so over overlooked,” says Midori. “Unwrapping the rope is extremely sexy and sensual! Take your time and savor that, as that’s often when the skin and body is really awake to sensuality.”

How can I try Shibari?

It can take time and plenty of practice to learn the many knot variations involved in Shibari. “The whole point of it is these intricate knots,” Richardson says. “It’s really an intricate tying system.”

For anyone interested in trying it, Richardson recommends reading a book on the practice or signing up for a workshop to learn proper technique. You should ensure your teacher is licensed as a sex therapist, a sex educator, or a sex coach, she says. Suspension is a more advanced level of Shibari.

But, you can still find joy in Shibari, no knot-tying badge required. Midori suggests starting with the basics, like you would in a dance class. She also recommends watching a video tutorial or reading a book to learn more.

Midori explains that self-tying is a great way to practice, especially RN. “Many of the techniques can be enjoyed solo, as well,” she explains. “It’s a brilliant way to wake up the skin and get back into one’s body.”

Or, you can try some knots on objects around your home. “You can also practice basic skills on pillows and stuffed animals before trying your hand on tying a lover,” Midori says. “There are worse ways to spend social distancing.”

Does Shibari hurt?

A major misconception about Shibari, and other forms of bondage, is that it’s painful. That’s just not true, according to Richardson. “In general, it doesn’t hurt, it might be a little uncomfortable,” she says. The idea that you’ll get bruises or any types of injuries from Shibari? Also “100 percent not true.”

The submissive person gets to choose and communicate to the dominant person exactly what level of sensation they’d like to experience, she adds.

“Shibari definitely fits with my sex positive approach, which is all sex is good sex as long as it’s consensual and pleasurable,” says Richardson. “It’s not a dangerous practice; it’s not a violent practice; it’s not a weird practice.”

Thing is, when Women’s Health (hi) and Men’s Health surveyed 1,467 people of all sexual orientations and ages about what they do in bed (or the shower, or car…), about 60 percent of women said their desires are usually or always met during sex, compared with 72 percent of men. Worse, 24 percent of women say they want to be open about these desires and needs but struggle to tell their S.O. (Another 8 percent say they wouldn’t voice them at all, to anyone, ever.)

So if you’re one of those feeling meh about your sex sitch, your satisfaction will only increase if you express what turns you on (or, you know, doesn’t). Let these tips guide you to O and beyond.

“Like any other luxury product, a sex-toy purchase should be well thought out, because when you invest in a sex toy, you’re investing in personal pleasure,” says Kathryn Catney, who represents the Swedish sex toy brand Lelo. It’s self-care at its finest.

Before shopping, think about what you want from your new toy. It’s the only way you can guarantee it’ll live up to its buzz. Now’s the time to decide whether you want to take a good look at your vibrator in-store or make the purchase online, which materials you prefer, and how much you want to spend.

There’s a lot to consider, but don’t worry, you’re not in this alone. Below is a handy expert-approved guide packed with all the must-know info that will turn you into a vibrator pro.

1. Consider size.

With options including large wand-like vibrators and discreet ones that fit in the palm of your hand out there, it can be tough to anticipate which size is going to bring you the most pleasure if you’re a first-timer. “There’s so much to choose from,” says Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. “When we have so many choices, we get overwhelmed and feeling overwhelmed leads to anxiety—the exact opposite of pleasure.” But don’t fret—Richmond’s got the solution.

Consider what you enjoy most when you masturbate and have sex, she suggests. If pleasuring yourself with one finger does the trick, a large or penis-looking vibrator might pack a little too much punch or stimulate way too many areas at once. On the other hand, if your partner is well-endowed or if the strap-on you use during sex isn’t lacking size-wise, bigger just might be better. And if the urge to O tends to suddenly come over you, you might opt for a tiny-but-mighty toy you can disguise as a necklace and whip out in a bathroom for an afternoon delight. (Hey, who’s judging?)

2. Narrow down your ideal shape and sensation.

Once you’ve settled on width and length, bring size and sensation into the equation. Zeroing in the sensation you want will help determine the best shape for your vibrator.

There are five types of pleasure sensations people tend to seek out, says Richmond: internal, clitoral, an internal-clitoral combo, anal, and double penetration (vaginal + anal). And since the minds behind vibrators know pleasure comes from many a locale, they’ve created tons of uniquely shaped toys that can adapt to just about anything you’re looking for.

If you’re unsure about which works for you, take another minute to think about how you typically self-pleasure: Are you focusing on the clitoris, vaginal penetration, or both? Do you enjoy intense and localized sensations, or do you prefer sensations spread around the vulva? Do you self-pleasure the same way every time, or do you need something that can perform in a variety ways?

Based on what makes your whole body quake, scope out vibrators that will address your sexual needs. I’m talking curved dual-action toys that speak to both the clitoris and penetration, ones meant to pleasure the anus and only the anus, and those that are all about internal vaginal stimulation.

If you really have no idea what to go for, pick an internal toy. “Even if you don’t intend to use it internally,” says Catney, “internal massagers can be just as effectively used externally, so in the end, you’ll still have a versatile vibrator.”

3. Start shopping.

Once you’re ready to take the plunge, you have two options: Visit an actual store or buy online.

The perks of heading to a store are that you can test the vibrations and see the toy up close. “At the shops, you get to learn about different styles that you may not have considered and discover entirely new ways of pleasuring yourself.” says Claire Cavanah, founder of (which has brick-and-mortar stores in NYC and Seattle).

However, if the thought of onlookers brings on the nerves, go ahead and add the toys to your online cart instead. There’s no shame in being a bit shy, choosing to take your time to research options, or, heck, overnighting a vibrator because you’re pressed for time (why else did they invent Amazon Prime? JK). And don’t worry about nosy neighbors or roommates, either—retailers these days ship items in super-plain and unidentifiable packaging.

4. Look closely at material and texture.

It’s essential to check out at what a sex toy is made of before buying it. The vibrator is going in and on your body, after all.

“Silicone is a favorite, and many well-known brands use only medical-grade silicone,” says Cavanah. Silicone “transmits vibration well and it’s non-porous [meaning no toxic materials will get trapped inside and make their way into your body] and easy to clean with soap and water, making it healthy and safe for the body.” Other great options include metal, stainless steel, and hard plastic, adds Richmond.

What you definitely want to avoid are jelly-feeling rubber toys. There aren’t many out there anymore since it turned out many contained harmful phthalates, which are banned for use in children’s products but unregulated in bedroom toys, says Cavanah.

Paired with what your vibrator’s made of is what it feels like, says Richmond. For more stimulation, go for a toy that’s ribbed or bumpy. Or bring a little temperature play into the mix by pleasuring yourself with a toy made of cool metal. If metal’s not your thing, just slather on some cooling or warming water-based lube (using silicone-based lube on a silicone vibrator will tarnish it).

5. Make sure you like its look.

No matter how powerful the vibrator is, it would be a huge mistake to buy something you think looks scary, garish, or aesthetically unappealing. Catney says the aesthetics of a vibrator are almost as important as what it does—after all, this is something you’re using to get turned on. So skip that hot pink vibe unless you absolutely love the way it shines in your nightstand.

“Pick the one that tickles that sexy part of your imagination,” says Cavanah. “Desire and aesthetic are deeply personal and entwined, so pick the vibrator or vibrators that speak to you.” For example, if you prefer small and sleek over big and bulky, a bullet vibrator might be the way to go.

6. Listen to its buzz.

Now, onto the really good stuff—the actual vibrations.

Most vibrators have tons of settings that allow you to manipulate vibration patterns, speed, and intensity so you can ramp up or slow down as you please. Figuring out which vibrations and patterns get you going, says Richmond, calls for some trial and error. The more you use your vibrator, the better you’ll get at sensing what really does it for you. So, go at it, girl.

If you’ve got thin walls, then it’s worthwhile to find a vibe that won’t sound like a chainsaw every time you use it. Sometimes, the noise level will correlate with the intensity or power of the vibrator, but with high-end products, that won’t be as much of an issue.

“Most of us prefer a quiet vibe, and spending a little extra money will ensure your new sex toy is made from the quality materials that help dampen noise,” said Catney. One way to find a quiet-but-powerful tool is to hunt down materials that muffle sound. “Silicone is great for this.”

If you’re worried that a quiet vibe will compromise the intensity of the sensations, Cavanah recommends testing the vibrator on your hand—or on the tip of your nose (since the skin there’s pretty sensitive) if you’re buying in-store to see how it feels.

7. Familiarize yourself with all the bells and whistles out there.

The spectrum of features is endless, I’m talking waterproof toys, ones capable of vibration and suction sensations, those that are remote operated, and some that and vibrate to the beat.

The best move, according to Cavanah is to choose a vibrator with a range of features. “This way you can more easily customize it to your mood and the situation. Some days, you might want to use it for foreplay only, and other days, you might want it to take you there. The more range it has, the more easily you can adapt it into your sex life.”

Deciding which special effects you want is totally personal—and up to your budget—but you can always start with something pretty simple and upgrade later.

8. Establish your budget.

Speaking of budgets…

You can find inexpensive, simple vibrators for around just $15 or, for a pretty penny, you could ball out for a gold-plated experience.

Case in point:

If you decide you’d like to invest more in your pleasure, says Richmond, consider shelling out a bit more for vibrators that have cooler features (like easy on/off buttons, extensive vibration options, multiple attachments) and a longer life.

9. Stock up on cleaning supplies.

Since rubbing your vibrator down with a bleached wipe and inserting it into yourself is a one-way ticket to irritation, or worse, infection, when it comes to cleaning your device, stick to gentle body soap (nothing antibacterial) and water. It will always do the trick.

And if you want to take cleansing up a notch, you can go for a specialized sex-toy cleaner. Most are alcohol-free and paraben-free sprays that you can leave on your vibrator for five minutes and rinse off (if it’s waterproof—otherwise, use a damp cloth), says Richmond. Be sure to clean your toy after every use, she adds.

10. Pick a storage spot.

Classic spots include your nightstand, your underwear or lingerie drawer, says Richmond. But a bathroom drawer or your device’s carrying case works just fine, too. Just make sure to keep your vibrator out of areas that may have oils, powders, and perfumes around, Richmond warns, so that your vibrator won’t pick up any irritants that can end up in your body, damage your device, or both.

You spent money on that shi…now put it to good (and I mean, REALLY good) use.