And though keeping the spark alive has been challenging, 67 percent of respondents agreed the pandemic has brought them closer to their partner.

The survey of 2,000 Americans in a relationship revealed 42 percent of couples have planned at-home “date nights,” and 4 in 10 have even started a new exercise routine together.

Thirty-eight percent, moreover, said they have tried to keep the spark alive by planning a trip, with respondents planning an average of three trips with their partner during quarantine.

Conducted by OnePoll on behalf of the Aruba Tourism Authority, the study probed the state of travel and romance in the midst of the pandemic.

The average couple surveyed hasn’t taken a trip together for seven months — and couples with children haven’t been away without them in 11 months.

Sixty-one percent said travel restrictions due to COVID-19, such as regions of the EU closing borders, have made them feel even more “trapped at home” during this time.

While nearly six in 10 said they had to cancel a previously planned trip due to COVID-19.

About three-quarters of respondents said they and their partner are eager to take a trip as soon as it’s safe to do so.

Approximately three in 10 respondents said they think about taking a trip with their partner multiple times per week and four in 10 said they think about it a few times per month.

And six in 10 said their relationship with their partner suffers when they don’t have the opportunity to get out and explore new places, or have new experiences together.

“This year, I have seen a dramatic increase in couples seeking therapy to work through feelings brought on by the pandemic and how this has changed their relationship. For the most part, partners are either stronger than ever or on the verge of breaking up,” said Dr. Holly Richmond, a relationship expert and licensed psychologist.

“A common theme for couples is the desire to get away and venture out, particularly to new locations. Even the process of planning a trip can be uplifting, giving couples something to look forward to and hope that their relationship can feel more exciting and passionately connected.”

More than half of respondents said their next trip with their partner will need to last seven days or longer in order to fully reconnect with them.

One in four said they’re most interested in taking a relaxing vacation and nearly one in five said a beach vacation is in order.

“We have also noticed a rising trend of travelers extending their stays, to 18 days or more, to truly relax and reconnect with their partners in a romantic beach destination,” said Ronella Tijn Asjoe-Croes, CEO of Aruba Tourism Authority.

Eighty percent of respondents agreed they always return from a couples’ trip feeling relaxed and connected.

And 70 percent said they feel safer traveling to countries that follow World Health Organization (WHO) guidelines, such as implementing temperature checks, on-site medical professionals, social distance markers and mandatory PPE training for all staff.

“Aruba is one of the few places where Americans can travel that has rigorous safety measures in place and beautiful weather year-round, making it an ideal destination for all couples,” said Tijn Asjoe-Croes. “Whether it’s spa and wellness activities or seeking adventure via hiking like in our stunning Arikok National Park, there is something for every couple to do and learn and reconnect together.”

On January 20, the first American developed Covid-19 symptoms shortly after returning from Wuhan, China. At the time, the story was a blip in the news cycle, and the great citizens of this country continued swapping spit and gargling cum none the wiser. By March 13, Donald Trump declared a national emergency. Covid became a household name. And on top of worrying about toilet paper and, you know, dying, those households had to figure out how to maintain a healthy sex life when a dystopian future became the present.

Publications and relationship experts began speculating that divorce rates would skyrocket due to couples stuck inside with nothing to do but notice each other’s crotches become hairier and smellier. For many folks, despite the risks of outside human contact, cheating on their significant other was a much-needed outlet. We often become selfish in our efforts to maintain a lust for life. “For the most part, I’ve seen cheating behaviors go up,” says psychologist and sex therapist Holly Richmond. “I think a lot of that is because we lost that external focus of jobs, vacations and business travel.”

Variety is the spice of (your sex) life.

It doesn’t mean you have to go full poly, but there’s a valid case for trying new positions, wearing wigs and pretending to be Russian spies, having sex in your kid’s bed, whatever. “We can’t forget that fire needs air,” Richmond says. “To create that resemblance of desire, we need that newness, that novelty that most humans need to feel turned on. That’s really fucking hard to do when you’re stuck in the same room as someone for months on end and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

Now, writing this as a sex-positive queer millennial in favor of ethical nonmonogamy, I must admit that I consider cheating old-fashioned. But it turns out, cheating can save a marriage just like an open arrangement can. There’s an old gendered expression that says men cheat to stay in a relationship, while women cheat to leave. I asked James Hamilton*, a man in his mid-50s who lives outside Concord, New Hampshire if cheating during quarantine helped save his marriage. “Yes is all I can say. Big time,” he says. He cheated before Covid began because, although his marriage was doing fine, he had sex with his wife only once every six months. But he’s stepped up his game since Covid hit.

“I’ve connected with two other women: a local single mom whom I met in May on Seeking Arrangement, and a woman who lives several hours away whom I was able to visit while passing through her city,” Hamilton says. “Both were very rewarding, sexually pleasing trysts!”

Although Hamilton says he is not concerned about giving his wife Covid, it is a risk. Cheating has always come with the hellish and humiliating worst possible outcome of giving your primary partner herpes and then having to explain how it happened. Now, on top of blisters and warts, comes the risk of transmitting another viral infection—and this one is potentially deadly.

“Close personal contact is the main mode of Covid transmission. Sex certainly falls into that category,” says Dr. Alex Polyakov, a clinical epidemiologist and senior lecturer at the University of Melbourne in Australia. “Barrier methods, such as condoms, while providing protection against STDs, will not be effective in stopping the spread of the Covid-19 virus. They do not prevent the exchange of nonsexual bodily fluids, such as sweat, saliva and infected aerosols exhaled by affected individuals. Overall, any personal interaction puts an individual at risk of contracting the virus. Sex, especially outside a monogamous relationship, would definitely increase one’s risk.”

So basically, kissing is more likely to give you Covid than sticking your dick in someone, although the two tend to go hand in hand.

Rebecca, a 23-year-old college student from Pennsylvania, was not quarantined in farty sweatpants with her boyfriend. They were one of many couples separated due to the pandemic. He went home to New Jersey and, because she is immunocompromised due to Crohn’s Disease, she stayed with her parents. They visited each other roughly five times between mid-March and June. While Rebecca followed strict isolation, her boyfriend saw friends and attended Black Lives Matter protests and other activities that made her proud. His activism, however, came with a side of secret pussy after reconnecting with an old friend for whom he previously had feelings. Eventually, he came clean.

“When I found out he was seeing her and I didn’t know, I was definitely worried about exposure,” Rebecca says. “He confirmed that he had been seeing people and doing things in public without informing me, which is messed up to do to anyone, but especially me because I’m high risk and I was going against my better judgment to see him at all.” They are not on good terms at the moment.

Among other things, Covid is the ultimate excuse to text your ex. Although back in “before” times, a text from an ex was a casual occurrence that one could blame on Mercury retrograde, the crushing depression of the walls closing in on you while in quarantine leaves the sexy work to the imagination. A text from an ex can lead to a nostalgic memory of banging in a pool on vacation, even if it did come with a bacterial infection. A memory turns into a sext, a sext turns into nudes and next thing you know you’re saving your ex as “Aunt Diane” in your phone so your partner doesn’t catch on. But what is emotional cheating, anyway?

“Would you be comfortable showing your partner your phone? If at any point you want to hide your phone, you are emotionally cheating,” Richmond says. “Privacy versus secrecy—we all deserve some privacy, especially around sexuality, but if it feels like a secret then it’s probably emotional cheating.”

Before we burn both the physical and emotional cheaters at the stake, let’s review the facts. We are living in the dystopian future we read about. Relationships are always hard, and humans are horny.

Staying true to one person for the rest of your life is hard in Disney films, let alone a deadly pandemic under the Trump administration.

We need all the love and affection we can get. Talk to your partner. Set boundaries. Share where you’re at sexually. Discuss jealousy and open relationships. Are you worried about more getting Covid or your partner deepening an emotional connection with someone else electronically? Don’t be the white boy who uses a Black Lives Matter protest to pick up side pussy and expose your immunocompromised girlfriend. You can step up to the plate and get honest with yourself, and your partner, about your limits and needs. And, if you want any sort of sane guidance on pandemic safety from elected officials, please vote Trump out of office this November. Then have a threesome with your partner and a girl you met online while wearing masks to celebrate.

Some names and identifying details have been changed to ensure anonymity.

Developing a new habit or ritual during this time can help you maintain a sense of normalcy. “Habits help us feel grounded. It really is another word for ritual. And rituals can help us feel embodied and connected (to ourselves and others, even if they are far away, and the planet,” says psychologist Denise Renye.

Let’s say you want to learn a new language or begin each day with meditation. How do you make the habit stick? Twenty-one days is the often-cited amount of time it supposedly takes to make or break a habit, but according to psychologist Holly Richmond, that’s the bare minimum. A study by the European Journal of Social Psychology suggests that it actually takes anywhere between 18 to 254 days for a person to form a new habit, Healthline reports.

“It depends on the habit,” Richmond says. “If it’s a pleasure-based habit that is releasing dopamine and endorphins those are going to take a little bit longer to break.” And conversely, if the habit you are trying to start, such as exercise, releases dopamine, it will be easier to pick up.

So how can you use this downtime to form a new habit? Well, let’s make it fun. While there’s no scientific basis for astrology, it makes sense that the different personality traits associated with each sign would mean they form habits in different ways. For instance, while a Capricorn can typically start a detailed project and see it through with no problem, a Leo may need the dopamine hit that comes from sharing their new ritual on social media. Taurus totally requires comfort and snacks, and Scorpio absolutely needs to chill out. Read on to learn how your sign forms a new habit.

Aries

Aries, an adorable ram, is the first sign of the zodiac (and you know it). Aries has no problem stomping your feet to get what you want, and you usually win. To start a new habit, Aries will benefit from leaning into your childlike excitement. Opt for new routines that make you eager to get out of bed in the morning. Rather than trying to force yourself into what you think you should be doing, pick habits that make you smile, such as sketching after dinner or having a dance party in your apartment as a form of exercise.

Taurus

Taurus, the cutest cow, is ruled by Venus, the planet of beauty and abundance. This sign loves comfort. That doesn’t mean you can’t get your hands dirty, though. Determined Taurus makes for an excellent protester, but when you come home after fighting the system, you will need some time to unwind. Whether it’s reading a book before bed or journaling after dinner, Taurus will stick with a habit if it includes yummy snacks and a cozy blanket.

Gemini

Chatty Gemini has a busy mind. Not only is this sign represented by the twins, you’re also ruled by messenger planet Mercury, which rules over communication. While this makes Gemini a very socially popular and prolific worker, it also makes it difficult for you to find quiet and calm. Geminis can benefit from meditation, but would be wise to switch up your meditations every so often. The twins know that variety is the spice of life (which is also why you tend to do so well dating).

Cancer

Represented by the crab, Cancer has a reputation for being a bit of a hermit. While this sign loves alone time, you are not always sweet little homebodies. You also love to party and can be moody. Crabs side-step and so do Cancers. You can be avoidant, which is why you need comforting routines to keep you feeling safe. The setting is very important for Cancers. Whether it’s doing yoga or getting used to working from home, you will do best if you enjoy your surroundings. As Cancer is ruled by the moon, you should try activities such as writing or meditating at night with a view of the starry sky.

Leo

Leo, the bold lion with a heart of gold, struggles with stay-at-home orders. You are a sign that revels in attention, but it’s not quite vanity; it’s a love of the spotlight. In fact, Leos make excellent leaders, though you do sometimes struggle with laziness. You need motivation. A Leo should feel free to be yourself and share your rituals on social media. Comments will encourage you to keep repeating helpful habits.

Virgo

Virgo’s famous organizational skills are no joke. Your sign likes checking off little boxes, creating shared Google calendars, and ensuring your workspace perfectly fits your needs. If a Virgo is adjusting to working from home, your sign would benefit from using calendars and planners to keep you on track. Virgo is also represented by the hermit card in the tarot, so you should lean into alone time to recharge. Just make sure to reach out to a friend here and there so you’re not completely isolating, please.

Libra

Libra is represented by the scales, and this sign definitely needs balance to feel complete. For example, if a Libra is feeling cooped up, a good habit to start would be something active, such as going on a run or swimming. This sign is famous for flirting, but you can also sometimes be short with your words even when you don’t mean to. Regular habits and a set schedule will help keep a Libra occupied so you don’t say things out of boredom that you’ll regret.

Scorpio

Scorpio has a reputation for emotional intensity, and the rumors are true. Especially during stressful times, those born under this water sign will benefit from breathing exercises, working out, and meditation to keep your anxiety at bay. If you have problems with motivation, go for the dopamine and give yourself a treat (like chocolate) after you complete your new ritual.

Sagittarius

Sagittarius loves to learn and is one of the most academic signs, so you do well with habits that involve learning new skills. This could be anything from learning to build furniture, to weaving, to web design, to cooking. Sagittarius also loves to travel, so even with stay-at-home orders in place, you can benefit from a regular walk or bike ride for the change of scenery. Loud archers need company, so safely collaborating with others will help you keep a habit.

Capricorn

Capricorn is a very hard worker and loves creating and maintaining new habits — anything to keep moving forward. The sea goat isn’t scared of commitment and tends to be in it for the long haul, so whether it’s launching a new business or learning a new language, Capricorns do well with habits that require ongoing responsibility. You just need to remember not to be too hard on yourself if you mess up along the way.

Aquarius

Aquarius is the humanitarian of the zodiac and will not just sit at home while the world needs all the help that it can get. Your sign will have the most success with choosing habits that help your community. Get involved in your local politics or protests and honor your commitment. An Aquarius just needs to be mindful that you don’t get so lost in your activism that you forget to take care of yourself.

Pisces

Pisces is one of the most creative signs of the zodiac and will benefit from picking up a new, creative hobby. As an intuitive water sign, you are great at drawing, poetry, or dance. Movement, whether it’s choreographing dance moves or biking, is helpful to keep a Pisces motivated. You also have a reputation for being a bit dreamy, so it’s important for you to stay grounded meditating or working with a therapist to understand your deep well of emotions.

Last week, the NYC Department of Health issued safe sex guidelines during COVID-19 that raised more than just a few eyebrows. “Make it a little kinky. Be creative with sexual positions and physical barriers, like walls, that allow sexual contact while preventing close face-to-face contact,” the guidelines say.

Many took this to mean NYC Health endorses glory holes. After a celibate spring, we might just be able to get our dicks sucked anonymously in the name of safe sex.

But don’t get too excited. Logistically, glory holes during the coronavirus don’t rise to the occasion. “What is someone to do? Carry a board with them with a hole in it?” jokes Dr. Charles Silverstein, a psychologist for gay men in New York.

Besides, bathhouses are boarded up, public restrooms are closed and drilling holes into the wall of a rented apartment means you might not get your security deposit back.

Okay, so what about that portable glory hole? “I haven’t come across it yet,” Silverstein says. He theorizes that NYC Health was speaking figuratively with the whole divider thing. “Whoever’s cock is being sucked should have a condom on. That’s the barrier,” Silverstein says.

I reached out to NYC Health for confirmation on the apparent glory hole endorsement. Instead, a representative reiterated the same coy message they’ve been pushing for a week. “We trust our audience and New Yorkers are creative enough to know what this means,” Dr. Demetre Daskalakis, deputy commissioner for the division of disease control at NYC Health, tells me in a statement.

What about the actual, hypothetical safety? It’s unlikely a glory hole could actually prevent contracting the coronavirus. “There could still be skin-to-skin physical contact and ejaculate,” Dr. Holly Richmond, a sex therapist, tells me. Trace accounts of COVID-19 have been detected in semen, but it’s unclear if the virus can be sexually transmitted.

Is there such thing as safe sex in a pandemic? Richmond suggests mutual masturbation or teledildonics — remote sex via Bluetooth devices that sync two partners to the same rhythm. These devices can work in unison between partners in two different cities.

Even if glory holes were approved during the pandemic, they’d lose one of their key allures: anonymity. “You don’t know who the person is on the other side of the hole,” Silverstein says. Well, yes, that’s the appeal.

For all their notoriety, Silverstein says, glory holes’ actual popularity remains unclear. While associated with bathrooms, saunas and gay bookstores, the anonymity factor means little data and location databases exist for glory holes past and present.

Instead, Silverstein says, we’re primed for a different gay sex trend to make a return. Over the decades, masturbation clubs — like New York Jacks, Houston Jerkers and DaBurgh Jacks — have remained a space for gay men to explore voyeuristic and communal self-pleasure. “If there were a new COVID New York Jacks club, that would be very helpful,” Silverstein says.

Though even if everyone is sitting on a couch six feet apart, there still must be precautions taken. “The only trouble is they would still have to wear masks,” Silverstein says. The potential for pandemic masturbation clubs gives a new meaning to coronavirus being a real jack off.

Chronic stress, such as what we’re all experiencing right now throughout the topsy-turvy phases of this pandemic, can significantly affect sexual desire. And interestingly, stress can actually affect different people’s libidos in pretty different ways: Some people can’t stand the thought of sex when they’re stressed, while others seek it out more than ever.

And beyond just the stress, spending so much time at home with our partners (or without access to any partners) has created a unique environment that’s having a powerful effect on our libidos.

Here are just a few ways the pandemic has affected sex and how to best navigate the changes:

1. You don’t want sex, period.

For many people, the overwhelming stress and chaotic emotions triggered by this pandemic have totally drowned their sexual desire.

“It takes up a lot of our bandwidth,” explains AASECT-certified sex therapist Jessa Zimmerman. “Just like people might have thought—great, now I’ll have time to clean out that closet or finally plant that garden—they probably aren’t doing it. We have more time but way less motivation and capacity to apply to things that might matter to us.”

Some studies have found that, in general, having a stressful life is linked to lower sexual arousal. Part of the problem is that we can’t turn off our worry and get present in the moment, Zimmerman explains. If you’re not paying attention to physical stimuli, it’s hard to get spontaneously turned on.

More troublingly, Zimmerman says the type of ongoing background stress many of us are experiencing right now can contribute to what’s called the allostatic load. The allostatic load is the “wear and tear on the regulatory systems in the brain and body” as a result of stress. Essentially, when we’re exposed to prolonged, chronic stress, our body’s alarm system—aka our neural and neuroendocrine responses to stress—remains at a heightened state without returning to normal, which may over time cause psychological consequences and even make us more susceptible to illness.

“It drains us physically, depleting our energy,” Zimmerman explains. “Our brains are engaged with issues of survival and not available for pleasure.”

What to do.

Cut yourself a little slack, says AASECT-certified sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, CST. Your sexuality is a part of you as a whole, and if you as a whole are feeling low, so will your sexuality.

“We like to think that self and sex are dualistic,” she explains. “We externalize sex. [We mistakenly believe] it’s an act we do rather than really seeing it as a natural and holistic piece of our well-being.”

Think of it like this, Richmond says: If you had a bad cold, you probably wouldn’t be surprised at all that you’re not in the mood for sex. Think of your mental health the same way you’re viewing your physical health. You wouldn’t expect yourself to want sex if you were physically sick, so similarly, try to adjust your expectations when you’re mentally under the weather.

2. You’re hornier than ever.

Not everyone responds to stress the same way. For many people, sex is a form of stress relief. It’s a way to distract yourself from all the bad that’s going on and get some pleasure and good feelings flowing, both physically and spiritually. A small recent study found that women are having more sex during COVID and have been experiencing generally higher sexual desire. Some past studies have also found a link between stressful days and higher odds of having sex.

“People differ in how their brains react under stress. Many people have a withdrawal response, but others have an approach response,” Zimmerman explains. “So while many people feel shut down in our period of shut-in, other people are going to experience more desire.”

For people who are quarantining with a partner, spending all that extra time together might naturally lend itself to having more sex. Now, that being said, the aforementioned recent study also found that women’s overall quality of sex was lower during the pandemic than it was before it, despite the increased frequency of sex. Even though they’re having more sex, women’s sexual functioning (which includes ability to get aroused, lubrication, and ease of orgasm) was found to be significantly lower. That may be because of all the physical and psychological effects of stress on libido previously mentioned. We also might be having more sex to cope with our feelings but are still so stressed out that we’re not really able to enjoy it.

And of course, for single people or those quarantining without a partner, you might find yourself really missing physical touch—perhaps more than you normally would. One recent study found single people are taking dating more seriously because of COVID, and dating apps have seen a lot of increased activity since the pandemic started.

What to do.

If you’re having a lot of satisfying sex with your partner these days, great! Nothing to change there. But if you’re having a lot of unsatisfying sex, as the above research suggests, Zimmerman suggests taking some pressure off it. Get out of the mindset that every sexual experience needs to involve intercourse and mind-blowing orgasms; expectations and performing a routine just for the sake of it are exactly what will make sex feel unsatisfying. Instead, lean into what your body is really craving. Focus more on that, whatever it is.

“Create some room just to share pleasure and connection,” she suggests. “It may look different than it used to or than you want it to, but lean on each other, stay connected, and use your relationship as a resource and a respite from the storm.”

And if you’re single, there are so many ways to make virtual dating great—and don’t forget the joys of phone sex and good sexting.

3. You’re not feeling your body right now.

A lot of people right now are struggling with their body image, says Richmond. Many people aren’t getting the same amount of exercise and movement they usually do, she points out, and many of us are also indulging in comfort foods to help us cope. There’s nothing wrong with either of those things, but if you attach a lot of your confidence to your body size, then the weight gain you might be experiencing right now may be affecting how you feel about yourself.

Plenty of research shows poor body image affects sexual desire and satisfaction. “If you’re not feeling good in your body, it also makes sense that you wouldn’t want to be intimate because you’ll be in your head and thinking about what you look like instead of what things are feeling like,” Richmond explains.

It also doesn’t help that, because many people are working from home and seldom leaving the house, a lot of people aren’t getting dressed or grooming themselves the way we normally do. Our hair is overgrown, our skin is breaking out, and we’re wearing sweatpants 24/7. That’s bad news both for our own sexual desire and our partner’s desire, Richmond points out. If your partner isn’t putting much effort into how they look, you might simply be less likely to get turned on by them. Again, no one is doing anything wrong here—it’s just what’s happening.

What to do.

First of all, it’s worth interrogating why you’re attaching so much of your confidence to your body’s appearance in the first place. It’s a great time to learn how to love your body exactly how it is.

As far as the sex goes, if you’re interested in having more of it, find ways to make yourself feel good about your body. Exercise certainly does that for a lot of people, so if that’s you, it may be worth trying to prioritize going for that run outside or doing one of those workout videos at home. But it also may just be about putting a little effort into your presentation the way you would for a normal day out, Richmond says. It helps both partners tap into their libidos again when both people are going out of their way to look good for each other.

“Pay a little bit of attention to how we look and present ourselves,” Richmond recommends. “I know that probably sounds a little objectifying, but I think for all of us…we appreciate how our partners look. We love finding our partners sexy.”

4. You have no alone time.

Contrary to what you might think, spending every waking moment with your partner is actually not conducive to sexual desire. When you’re living in such close quarters with your partner, no matter how much you might love them and find them attractive, that lack of alone time will mostly just make you want to get away from them—not get closer.

“That idea of missing each other and longing for each other, yearning for each other, that’s shot. That’s out the window because nobody’s going anywhere,” Richmond explains. “We don’t have time to miss our partner.”

As renowned psychotherapist Esther Perel often says, “fire needs air.” Being able to have time away from someone—to feel yourself as a separate person from them—is part of what creates desire.

“A lot of us see our partners as their sexiest when they’re doing their thing, when they’re in their element, whether it’s going off to work in a suit or whether it’s working out or something that makes them uniquely them,” Richmond says. “We’re just not getting that now.”

The problem of lack of alone time is further exacerbated if you’re parents. You have no alone time from your partner and your kids. You’re also overburdened with child-care responsibilities and have no break from your desexualized role of “parent.”

What to do.

Carve out space for yourself, Richmond says.

It might seem counterintuitive, but spending more time on your own away from your partner can be the key to you experiencing sexual desire for them again. If you’re working from home together, consider working in different rooms so you have plenty of hours a day away from each other. You can also try to go on frequent walks or take up hobbies that are exclusively yours, not shared with your partner.

If you have kids, it’s up to you whether it’s important to you to try to work on your sex life right now. You may feel that it’s just not a priority of yours right now, which is totally fine.

“Do what you can,” Richmond suggests to parents. “If you feel like you can put the kids in front of a movie and they’ll stay there or their tablets and they’ll stay there for an hour, go with your partner to your room. You don’t have to have sex, but just cultivate intimacy some way that’s not focused on wrangling the kids or something kids-centric.”

 5. Your routines are killing your desire.

Many people gravitated toward a daily routine to try to create some structure in these unpredictable times. But routine isn’t conducive to desire either, Richmond says, especially for people living with their partners.

Research tells us that couples who engage in novel experiences tend to have a better sex life. When we’re doing new things and having variety in our daily lives, we have more energy, an improved mood, and more to connect over and share with our partners. It’s having that new, fresh stimuli that sparks the excitement and energy necessary for getting turned on.

“Novelty is the seed of human desire,” Richmond notes. Instead, we’re eating dinner in front of the TV and watching two hours of Netflix before heading straight to bed every single night, stuck in the same pattern for the last two months if not longer.

What to do.

In the midst of a pandemic, we have less access to variety and self-expansion, but there are still ways to mix things up and keep things fresh. Anything you can do to change up your daily or nightly routine a few times a week can make a big difference, Richmond says. It might mean eating dinner together outside, in a park, or even on your fire escape. Or perhaps it’s just turning off the TV at night and forcing yourself to have an interesting conversation.

“Anything we do that adds newness or freshness to our relationship has a good chance of creating our libido,” she says. “It’s really about changing the environment.”

How important is sex during a pandemic, anyway?

The answer will depend on how important sex is to you in general and how you in particular respond to stress.

“If people are facing issues of survival—housing, finances, health—sex may well fall to the bottom,” Zimmerman says. “But sex is also a lifeline, an enlivening, pleasurable aspect to being human—and we may not want to throw that away or neglect it while we’re navigating the situation. We could choose to grab moments of pleasure and aliveness when we can; perhaps that’s an antidote to the fear and despair we are feeling.”

Pleasure matters, even in times of hardship—perhaps especially in times of hardship.

That’s right. Genetic material from the coronavirus was present in ejaculate, according to a study published in the JAMA Network Open journal.

The researchers tested semen samples from 38 people, ages 15 to 59, who had tested positive for COVID-19. Genetic material from the virus was present in the semen of six patients — about 16%. Four of those people currently had the virus; two were in the process of recovering.

Before you freak out: Just because there are bits of the virus’s RNA in semen, it doesn’t mean that those bits are infectious, Dr. Stanley Perlman, a professor of microbiology, immunology, and pediatrics at the University of Iowa, told The New York Times. “This is an interesting finding, but it must be confirmed that there is infectious virus — not just a virus product in the semen,” he said.

If the virus can be transmitted through sex — and that’s a big if — it’ll be “another item on the long list of reasons to use a condom,” says Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. The study authors agree. “Abstinence or condom use might be considered as preventive means for these patients,” they wrote.

Of course, we already know that you could contract coronavirus other ways during sex — from holding hands, cuddling, or kissing. “I guess you could be having sex with a mask on, but that’s not super sexy,” Richmond says. That’s why the NYC Department of Health released a statement discouraging people from sleeping with anyone they weren’t in lockdown with, even going so far as to say that your safest sex partner right now is… yourself.

Experts have previously found evidence of the coronavirus in feces and urine, says Justin R. Garcia, acting executive director and research director at The Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction. “I think this is a reminder that people need to think cautiously about the behavior they’re engaging in right now, whether that’s kissing or intercourse,” he says.

To sum up: This was a small, preliminary study, and way more research needs to be done to confirm whether COVID-19 may be sexually transmitted. But if you are sexually active, go ahead and start wearing a condom now anyway.

“If this can increase condom use, that’s great,” Richmond says. “COVID woke us all up to washing our hands, to sanitizing more things, and now it might be the reminder we needed about how important condom use is.”

A conversion about the multi-faceted effects of Covid-19 on our sex lives and sexual fluency during isolation. We discuss sex in social isolation: the explosion of escapism & abstinence, porn & viral love, viral experiences, intentions and expectations, our changing comfort zone with self-exposure on social media, finding freedom from feeling watched, and a lot of self-love how-tos. We go over bluetooth smart toys, teledildonics, immersive sex robots, sex surrogates and sexological body workers, sex athletes and adult virgins, sex work and women’s empowerment, feminism and the demonetizing of sex. We give clear descriptive quotes for initiating conscious long-distance sex and intimacy.

All of our lives have been affected by the COVID-19 pandemic and self-isolation. This unprecedented event is understandably triggering anxiety, especially for those who have a pre-existing anxiety disorder or other mental health condition. While you should keep in touch with your therapist or doctor virtually as you navigate this new strange world, consider adding some calming playlists into your self-care routine.

Sometimes we need to listen to sad songs so we feel less alone, and other times we need to hear something a little more upbeat to keep us feeling positive when we’re about to crumble. Or maybe anxiety is keeping you up at night and you could benefit from listening to an ambient playlist. There are different playlists for different moods, and we’ve picked out six to help you through this tough time. Listen, relax, and even consider making one of your own. You’ve got this.

1. A playlist to help calm you down

The aptly-named Calm Down Playlist, created by Jane Aldridge, will help you do just that. When you feel overwhelmed or like your anxiety is starting to spiral, put this on. The song curation excellently blends tracks that are both relaxing and uplifting. It’s a calm enough playlist that you can just press play and relax, and yes, all the songs are full of good vibes only. Stay positive with tracks such as “A Time for Love” by Dennis Coffey.

2. A playlist for the moment

Singer and songwriter Phoebe Bridgers kindly created this playlist called Catch Me Inside (yes, a nod to Bhad Bhabie) that’s full of songs about, well, staying inside, for the most part. But it’s not that simple — songs on this list are also full of longing, and desire, and nostalgia, and it might just be exactly what you want to hear right now.

3. A playlist to help you focus

For anyone currently struggling to try to get any work done, turn on this focus playlist created by Spotify. All the songs included are somehow serene yet stimulating. Sometimes trying to work to songs with words can be distracting, but these instrumental ambient tunes from greats such as City of the Sun will help give your brain some lively background noise that won’t distract you so you can get your work done.

4. A playlist to help you sleep

It can be hard to fall asleep when times are tough and you’re feeling anxious. This ambient music playlist, which updates every 48 hours, is here to help you with that. There are no distracting words or beats, only silky atmospheric sounds to promote serenity. In addition to helping fight insomnia, it also makes for a tranquil meditation playlist.

5. A playlist for when you’re feeling emotional

Poet and author of The Magical Writing Grimoire: Use the Word as Your Wand for Magic, Manifestation & Ritual Lisa Marie Basile put together the ultimate Pisces playlist. Pisces are dreamy, nostalgic, and ethereal emotional water signs. Regardless of your sign, most of us are feeling like water signs these days due to an array of quarantine emotions and feels. Put on this playlist as you cook dinner or unwind in the bath. This one includes everyone from Lana Del Rey, to FKA Twigs, to the Pisces queen Rihanna.

6. A playlist for chill vibes

Content creator Eb the Celeb created a chill playlist (that’s also a little sexy!) with highly relatable tracks for this moment, such as “I Don’t Wanna Go Outside” by Zilo and “Nudes” by Jada. Sometimes, you just need to listen to some sad songs that remind you of your ex to remind you that you’re not alone. Grab a glass of wine, take a deep breath, and unwind with these mellow tunes from all different genres. Not only are these songs relaxing, but you may just find yourself wanting to unleash your emotions by belting along. Cathartic.