Meditation – Dr. Holly Richmond

Orgasmic Meditation Makes Mindfulness Sexy. But Does It Work?

Katherine DiZio — Thu, 06 Oct 2022 19:34:59 +0000

Originally published @ fatherly

– Content and imagery reposted with permission –

For first-timers, meditation can be difficult to get into. But what if it was a little bit…sexier? That’s the ethos behind orgasmic meditation, a mindfulness technique that combines meditation and sex to achieve new levels of intimacy and inner peace. Many people across the world have shared their viscerally positive experiences with the practice — yet, various controversies surrounding the organizations promoting orgasmic meditation, as well as questions about the science behind it, have emerged over the years.

Today, experts in mindfulness, meditation, and sex therapy are trying to cut through the hype and questionable science to get to the bottom of how sexual pleasure can effectively be incorporated into meditation practices. This is what you need to know.

What Is Orgasmic Meditation?

If you’re single, it might be hard to practice traditional orgasmic meditation (OM), which is a partnered practice for straight couples — or for women willing to pay a professional OM instructor.

As the woman lays down in her “den,” usually a comfortable space on the floor, the person with the role of the “stroker,” typically a man, wears latex gloves and covers their index finger in lubricant, then proceeds to pleasure her. The stroking has to have a methodology to it, though, as the stroker must massage the upper-left quadrant of the clitoris with a firm yet gentle up-and-down motion for approximately fifteen minutes. Here’s a (definitely NSFW) video on how to properly practice the meditation technique, if you need a visual explainer.

What’s crucial here is that the goal of the stroking is not, contrary to what the name might suggest, orgasm. Rather, the goal is reaching a level of heightened pleasure, inner peace, and arousal, in which most people are said to feel happier and more creative. However, moaning throughout the practice is highly encouraged. OM practitioners are recommended to share their thoughts and feelings out loud after the meditation in order to vocalize their inner world and reflections.

Sharing sexual desires is a core part of orgasmic meditation. I participated in an orgasmic meditation class in October 2016 with TurnOn Britain, the now defunct organization that brought orgasmic meditation to Europe. Its co-founder Kapil Gupta explained the basics of orgasmic meditation and was adamant that before actually getting to any stroking, it’s necessary to open up with oneself about our sex life and desires. What’s your deepest desire? How do you feel about it? What is something you like but you’ve not had the courage to admit to yourself?

Why Orgasmic Meditation Is For Men, Even If It’s Not

Orgasmic meditation is all about the stroking of the clitoris, and cisgender men aren’t actually touched by their partner or by themselves in the process. They don’t kiss or flirt or even have to take their clothes off. But that doesn’t mean they don’t get anything out of the experience.

Some men have reported that orgasmic meditation shifted their perspective about sex. As one man told GQ, practicing OM helped him realize that sex isn’t about giving so that he can get something in response. It’s helped him learn to not expect anything out of sex and to enjoy it without the ultimate goal of climaxing. Another man said orgasmic meditation helped him learn to slow down and focus on connection in the bedroom.

Men also report benefits that have nothing to do with getting it on. Some report feeling more energized after OM. And because of the focus on communication during orgasmic meditation, some have improved their ability to listen to women. In this way, one man even reported that OM helped his relationship with his mom.

As another person told Healthline, “I’m not a scientist but I can say that [practicing OM] helped my confidence — it helped my relationships with women. It turned my volume up. I felt like I finally understand women and how their bodies and minds work.”

Does Orgasmic Meditation Actually Work?

Orgasmic meditation has gathered a sizable following over the past 15 years. OM practitioners tout great benefits to their happiness, tranquility, and creativity. But scientific research on the practice is still scarce.

One 2021 study out of Thomas Jefferson University seemed promising. In this research, fMRI scans showed the difference in cerebral stimulation among 20 participants during OM practice and while resting. For both the stroker and the partner being stroked, there was increased connectivity in brain areas such as the frontal lobe, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex — areas of the brain responsible for emotion and cognitive functions. “It showed some efficacy in terms of changes in the brain, which could have positive benefits for certain types of psychological conditions,” says Jon Aaron, a New York-based certified mindfulness-based stress reduction teacher, who was not involved in the study.

A 2022 study on 93 orgasmic meditation participants found that OM can also improve participants’ emotional state. Participants’ ratings of happiness increased throughout an OM session and anxiety decreased.

But that evidence in favor of orgasmic meditation is thin, and experts aren’t all on board. Some, such as Aaron, see more traditional forms of meditation as more beneficial than OM. “Mindfulness meditation practices, which have been around for over 2,500 years and in the last 40 years have been scientifically studied, have shown efficacy in dealing with many different emotional and physical challenges,” Aaron says. “Certainly to a far greater extent than OM would seem to offer.”

For example, Aaron notes, studies have proven that simple mindfulness meditation techniques, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, can reduce anxiety, stress, and depression. A review of nine clinical trials in JAMA Psychiatry in 2016 suggests that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy can reduce rates of depression relapse for up to 60 weeks. Another study showed that people who underwent an eight-week mindfulness practice had significantly more flu antibodies than their peers who didn’t. And a 2017 study showed that meditation could help older adults increase attention.

Some experts take a strong stance against orgasmic meditation. “It’s not meditation. It has no roots in classical or modern-day practices like biofeedback or mindfulness,” says Tom Ingegno, DACM, a Baltimore-based acupuncturist with a doctorate in acupuncture and Chinese medicine.

Most importantly, some practitioners have described the world of orgasmic meditation as something of a sex cult. An expose published by Bloomberg journalist Ellen Huet from 2018 detailed stories of “sexual servitude and five-figure debts” related to OneTaste, the main organization promoting orgasmic meditation in the U.S., now rebranded to the Institute of OM.

So, although there aren’t any identified harms of trying out orgasmic meditation with someone you trust, trying it with an organization set up to promote the practice is a different story. “There is a big difference between experimenting with a trusted partner and the setup that OM organizations promote,” says Ingegno. “Unfortunately, women report abuse and rape, which has no place in meditation or spiritual practices.” Several lawsuits are pending for various sexual misconduct issues, he notes, and this has made it increasingly difficult for specialists in the realm of meditation and sex therapy to take orgasmic meditation seriously. The Institute of OM did not provide comment about these allegations.

How to Practice “Real” Erotic Meditation

All of the controversy surrounding orgasmic meditation doesn’t mean that there isn’t a form of erotic meditation that can be beneficial, once you clear through the clutter, Ingegno says. After all, the OM technique itself is relatively simple, and, if done with the right partner, could lead to orgasm and the release of neurotransmitters that leave someone calm and blissful — feelings people are often looking for in meditation.

“Sexual arousal can flood the brain with feel-good neurotransmitters. It can help people bond, relieve stress, regulate the immune system, provide pain relief, and lead to better sleep,” says Ingegno.

Personally he doesn’t see any way that adding in sexual pleasure is better than traditional meditation — and there’s no guarantee it’s more mindful than just having sex — but there is certainly overlap between sexual arousal and meditation.

Sex therapist Holly Richmond, Ph.D., agrees — disclaimers about OM organizations aside. “Do I think the practice of bringing the mind and body together in an erotic way can be powerful, and make meditation even more powerful, and the benefits more efficacious for some people? Absolutely,” she says. “Combining the presence without judgment plus erotic genital touch, I think it can be incredibly powerful.”

But it doesn’t necessarily have to be the set up designed by OneTaste, for example. When Richmond works with clients, she incorporates a range of erotic practices, be it freehand masturbation, using a toy, or something else entirely. These practices don’t have to involve another person or “stroker” — in her view, how OM has been popularized this can be a little patriarchal and reductive of women’s agency. “Erotic meditation is so much better when it’s something we can do to empower ourselves,” she says.

Richmond likes to think of including sexual arousal into meditation as a practice of integrity. Not in the moral sense, but the physical one, in which the body and mind are on the same level. She has clients who practice some sort of self-pleasure with their meditation every single day, and others who only sometimes decide to incorporate eroticism into their meditative practice.

“So, yes, I prescribe a version of OM, but I don’t call it that,” says Richmond. “I think [meditation] could be profoundly better by incorporating sexual pleasure. When we’re focusing on that intention and being in our bodies, and then we’re touching this most sensitive part in our body, it can be a spiritual, ecstatic, transcendent act.”

Your Full Guide To Orgasmic Meditation, A Mindful Practice For Better Sex

Katherine DiZio — Wed, 09 Mar 2022 16:41:08 +0000

Originally published @ MindBodyGreen

By Julie Nguyen

– Content and imagery reposted with permission –

Meditation is the act of turning your attention inward and accepting the present moment. With orgasmic meditation, you can incorporate your sexuality and heighten your usual meditation practice. The sensual system intertwines mindfulness with intimacy and eroticism.

What is orgasmic meditation?

Orgasmic meditation, also known as OM, is a mindfulness and presence practice with an emphasis on pleasure. “OM traditionally focuses on rubbing the upper left quadrant of the clitoris for 15 minutes with a lubricated finger,” Holly Richmond, Ph.D., somatic psychotherapist and author of Reclaiming Pleasure, tells mbg. Through this act, you’re invited to listen to your body and give in to the extended feelings that arise during the genital stimulation–without the goal of climaxing.

The practice of orgasmic meditation can offer many potential benefits, but it also has a somewhat controversial history. Founded in 2004, OM was popularized by a company called OneTaste, which trademarked a sequenced clitoral stimulation procedure for their workshops. Around 2009, the company gained massive media attention and many followers—before an FBI investigation sent it crashing down. The defunct organization is now facing accusations of sex trafficking, labor law violations, and cult-like business operations. (Note: The experts interviewed for this story are not affiliated with OneTaste.)

All that said, the practice of OM can and should be divorced from the contentious company. As an independent practice, there are still many benefits one can gain from practicing OM in a safe, consensual space. Indeed, in a 2021 study, researchers found that OM induced intense emotions of positivity, heightened partner connection, and significant brain activity in areas linked to oneness, self-transcendence, surrender, and spirituality.

How meditation and sex work together.

In general, meditation is linked with higher sexual satisfaction due to the way it hones your ability to be mindful of your sensations. By zeroing in to your bodily senses and calming the overactive mind, you fully feel everything in the moment, which can lead to more satisfying sexual experiences. A 2019 study noted that being aware in the present moment during sex with your partner can also promote more intimacy and emotional regulation, which can directly enhance the sexual and romantic relationship.

In meditation, there’s also an art in letting go completely and detaching from an outcome, which can be a beneficial mindset to bring into sex. “With OM, you are focused on an internal practice and being grounded in your breath and energy rather than the physical touch,” psychotherapist and sex therapist Melinda DeSeta, LMHC, says. The idea is to “focus on your breath and keep your mind calm and focused on the pleasure.”

By centering stillness, pleasure is no longer a formulaic transaction but an experience to be slowly felt and self-expressed.

How orgasmic meditation is different from regular meditation.

Meditation welcomes all of your thoughts and bodily sensations as you focus on the awareness of your breath. OM works similarly, but the primary focus is on sexual awareness and appreciating the gentle, pulsing waves of pleasure radiating from your genitals. The hands-on method serves as a conduit to therapeutically connect you with the pure state of your emotions without a value judgment.

According to Richmond, OM isn’t seen as a regular practice like traditional meditation or caring for your mental and physical health, although it should be. “Sexual health still hasn’t gotten to a place where it’s being prioritized on a daily basis,” she says. This speaks to the prioritization of sexual wellness, which is usually seen as an option and at the bottom of the list for most people.

Benefits of orgasmic meditation.

If you’re not sure about trying OM, here’s a list of potential perks the practice offers:

1. Masturbation can support your health.

Masturbating is good for your health and can improve mood, sleep, self-esteem, relaxation, and immune system functioning, Richmond explains, as well as releasing sexual tension. A recent 2019 study also noted that engaging in sexual pleasure delivers a rush of chemical benefits, like serotonin and dopamine, to the brain’s reward center, which positively correlates to your mood. And besides all of the feel-good chemicals, it just feels good to explore yourself in areas with highly sensitive nerve endings.

2. It elevates female pleasure.

For women especially, their relationship to sexuality can be complex, with pleasure often being viewed as a burden. By participating in OM, it offers another perspective: There are people out there that are turned on by making their partners feel good. “Wrap your head around that,” Richmond says. “Your partner is not judging your body or thinking you’re taking too long. You deserve the pleasure, and they want to give it to you.”

On a more practical note, women take an average of 20 minutes to reach full arousal. “OM dials that back and takes 15 minutes to tune into that arousal,” Richmond says.

3. You feel more present.

Porn and pop culture often describe sex as a series of frenetic, rushed steps designed to reach penetration. You could get in your head about doing things a certain way instead of surrendering to the experience itself. By learning how to be mindful of your body as you’re being stimulated, you let go of that goal and deeply reconnect to the physical sensations of your body. “The health benefits of meditation are well researched, and with OM, it allows you to stay in the moment instead of living in the past or projecting into the future,” Richmond says.

4. Awareness of your body heightens pleasure.

OM facilitates a closer connection to your body and removes disconnection. According to sex educator Suzannah Weiss, as you notice these pleasurable sensations, the pleasure grows. “You begin to notice little things, like how your vaginal muscles contract when you stroke your clit or how your leg shakes when you’re feeling intense pleasure.”

5. You learn more about your body without shame.

Society is changing and becoming more sex-positive, but intimacy and sexuality can still be a touchy subject. When your body is viewed as taboo, embarrassing, or provocative, the feelings that come with it can be framed in shame. Richmond notes experimenting with OM helps you facilitate a present relationship with your body and communicate ways you can receive pleasure. Appreciating your body also breaks down any walls you might have built around sex and helps release those harmful, internalized messages.

6. It strengthens the bond with your partner.

DeSeta explains that OM takes out the physical nature of sex so you can connect to your partner intimately and mentally. Sexual satisfaction then evolves into a multidimensional exercise of vulnerability. Plus, sex feels better once you know exactly what your partner likes. “OM is a great tool in helping people build a positive relationship with touch and pleasure,” she says.

7. It can be healing.

“OM can help females overcome sexual challenges, sexual pain, previous trauma, and learn how to connect their mind and body with intimate pleasure,” DeSeta says. Adding on to that, Richmond notes it can be difficult for survivors of sexual trauma to be in their body. Through incorporating OM, it can help your body safely process the trauma somatically. “OM can help with embodiment where you’re not feeling dissociated,” Richmond says.

Starting your practice.

The position.

To begin, apply lube to a finger. “If a partner is doing it, they’ll put a hand underneath your butt and a thumb partially inside the vagina. With the other hand, they’ll lift up the clitoral hood and stroke the clitoris directly, particularly on the upper left quadrant,” Weiss says.

This upper left quadrant area is supposedly the most sensitive part, though it varies from person to person, and there isn’t research proving this. “If you’re doing it by yourself, you only need to worry about lifting up the hood and stroking the clit, either with one hand or both. Sometimes, it helps to hold a hand mirror in the other hand to see what you’re doing.”

Setting the timer.

Weiss notes if you’re strictly sticking to the structure of OM, there’s 13 minutes of clitoral stroking and then two minutes of the partner applying “grounding pressure” to the vulva with their hands.

Weiss herself teaches a looser version of OM based on the extended orgasm or deliberate embodied orgasm model. “In extended orgasm or deliberate embodied orgasm, the timing is looser, but people may decide on a time frame, like 20 to 30 minutes or even an hour.”

Timing the experience can feel clinical, but she explains many people who teach the practice use the timer to challenge the transactional way we look at sexual reciprocation. Receiving and responding to your partner’s touch is a gift, and you don’t have to do anything in return if you don’t want to, Weiss says. “When you have both agreed that you’ll be receiving pleasure for a certain time frame, you don’t have to worry about taking too long or reciprocating. For that time, it’s all about you.”

Varying the stroke and placement.

In the process, Weiss notes the giver should vary their strokes and application of pressure based on the receiver’s feedback as the receiver tunes into their body and notices whatever sensations come up. “A lot of people with vulvas have only touched their clitorises over the clitoral hood because often, it mostly or totally covers the clit itself. Touching the clit directly provides a new form of sensation.”

The orgasm.

Weiss says practitioners of the practice often need to distinguish between what a climax and an orgasm is. A climax feels like a grand finale of a sexual experience, while an orgasm is a pleasurable, high-intensity sensation that may include a climax but doesn’t need to involve a “crash” at the end.

“Orgasm is sometimes described as [an] ‘activation of the involuntary,’ that is, when your body begins experiencing involuntary responses like shaking, sweating, or contracting or pulsing in the pelvic muscles,” she explains. “Under this definition, orgasm can go on for minutes or even hours. It’s a sensation people can stay present with and savor rather than it starting and ending in a fleeting second.”

Weiss says that by seeing an orgasm as a broader range of sensations, it helps some people feel validated and understand that their sexual experiences can be as good, maybe better, than the experiences of people who frequently climax.

For people with penises.

Traditionally, women with clitorises are the ones who receive the stimulation in OM. Weiss notes OM is almost always described in the context of a male “stroker,” who provides a “masculine energy,” and a female “strokee,” who is supposed to “be in her feminine”—but it certainly doesn’t have to work this way.

Richmond and Weiss both teach the practice for all bodies, including men and people with penises. “For people with penises, it’s slower stroking for 15 minutes with the scrotum,” Richmond says. The giver can play around with the speed, stroke pattern, and pressure. (Our lingam massage guide might also be helpful here.)

Tips to keep in mind:

1. Build your nest.

When you’re setting up your space to receive, be mindful of your surroundings so you can feel grounded, relaxed, and safe. Richmond says that could look like cleaning your bedroom, dimming the lights, lighting a candle, or putting on a playlist you enjoy–whatever you’re into. “You could do this in the bath or the shower too,” she says. There isn’t a wrong way to do it.

2. Create a ritualized experience out of it.

“Do you usually have a self-pleasure practice in the morning? Or is it better to practice self-pleasure in the middle of the day or the evening, when you can be focused and present? Be thoughtful about the time of day you want to experiment with it,” Richmond recommends. She notes this level of curation can also include adding pillows, being naked or in loose-fitting clothing, and having or not having the covers over you. Thinking about the details in advance helps you focus on the experience when it happens.

3. Start solo at the beginning.

Although OM is traditionally seen as a partnered experience, DeSeta and Richmond suggest starting off on your own to begin. When trying out something new sexually, solo sex is an opportunity to learn about what turns you on without the projections of the other person in the room. (You can reference our guide to tantric masturbation for ideas.) When you’re comfortable, involve a partner that you trust.

4. Focus on calming your daily thoughts.

If you are new to meditation in general, it may be useful to learn the basics before jumping into OM. “Start your own daily meditative practice and define what meditation looks like and feels like to you,” DeSeta says. As you drop into your body, you’ll feel more secure embracing all of the emotions that come up. “OM is more of a practice, and the journey takes time.”

5. Communicate.

When you practice OM, you begin to integrate communication into your sexual practice and find confidence expressing your desires and boundaries, which contributes to a healthy sex life. “OM naturally encourages communication because it encourages partners to talk about what they like, how they give, and how they receive,” Richmond says.

6. Prioritize mindfulness over a goal.

“If you go in with the goal of having the best orgasm of your life, it won’t happen because there’s a lot of pressure on it. Take the performance piece away from it,” Richmond advises. “A lot of OM practitioners think it’s unfortunate that orgasm is in the title because OM should simply be about mindfulness and giving and receiving pleasure.”

7. Let in all emotions.

Depending on your mental state, meditation will shift with each session. The same goes for OM. It won’t look and feel the same way each time. Some days it will be easier to be present, and other days, you might want to rush it along. All experiences are welcome. Instead of forcing along specific desires, detach from the outcome and let your feelings flow in the direction the moment calls for.

8. Consider bringing in toys.

“OM traditionally focuses on finger stimulation of the genitals, but in my practice, I encourage people to start off with hands, then toys, digital stimulation, oral, penis-in-vagina penetration, or anal stimulation,” Richmond says. As long as you’re incorporating elements that bring you presence without the objective of climaxing, it can add more fun to the mix. Here are some couples’ sex toys and clitoral stimulation toys to consider.

The bottom line.

As you begin your OM journey, try out the step-by-step framework and then distill it into an individualized process that works for you and/or with your partner. As Weiss puts it, “There are ways to incorporate all those things into your sex life without specifically doing an OM or an extended orgasm session. I encourage people to apply these principles when they’re having sex.”

If you choose to incorporate an orgasmic meditation practice into your life, it can connect you to your sexual wellness and open up your orgasm, a sensation that already innately exists within you and that you have the right to access.

Orgasmic Meditation Explained: From What It Is And How To Do It To Why It’s Controversial

drhllyrchmnd_1uxfzg — Wed, 20 Jan 2021 16:45:07 +0000

The focus is on removing any other distractions and prioritizing the process of pleasure itself.

There are several different types of meditation, from zen and chakra to yoga, and they all have their benefits. But, there’s one that you probably won’t find on meditation apps and that is the unique practice of orgasmic meditation, otherwise known as OM.

What is orgasmic meditation?

Orgasmic meditation involves a partner stroking the upper left quadrant of the clitoris (as this part is supposedly the most sensitive) for 15 minutes, gently and with a lubricated finger. Sounds pretty familiar, but how exactly does it work as a form of meditation?

How does orgasmic mediation work?

Despite its name, the practice isn’t solely for women and people with vulvas to reach the end goal of an orgasm. While a more intense orgasm is a bonus, during this 15-minute session, the focus is on removing any other distractions and prioritizing the process of pleasure itself.

It may sound a lot like regular sexual stimulation, give or take a few minutes, however sex and relationship psychotherapist, Miranda Christophers, explains the difference. “Orgasmic mediation is to do with the mindfulness aspect. It’s being aware that other thoughts may come in, but moving them to one side and then going back into focusing purely on the sensation. It’s about focusing within the body rather than within the mind and really noticing the feeling.”

Essentially the meditation aspect comes from being present in the moment, rather than focusing too strongly on how long it’s taking you to reach orgasm, saying the right things or looking at pornography, or your partner.

Where does orgasmic meditation come from?

Orgasmic meditation is a practice that was adopted and made mainstream in 2004 by co-founder of OneTaste, Nicole Daedone. Daedone claims she was introduced to this practice by a Buddhist monk in her 2011 TEDx Talk. During Daedone’s leadership of the company, she marketed orgasmic meditation as an opportunity for people to reclaim their sexuality, improve their sex lives and even help with recovery from sexual trauma.

Quite a lot of power and pressure to put on such a simple method, but with these claims in mind, it’s not surprising that orgasmic mediation became so popular.

OneTaste was a US business that taught orgasmic mediation workshops, including dozens of women ‘OM-ing’ together. It got really popular, but faced a great deal of controversy over the price of its workshops and the way it ran its operations, particularly when Bloomberg published an expose on the company in 2018. “Many who’ve become involved in the upper echelons describe an organization that they found ran on predatory sales and pushed members to ignore their financial, emotional, and physical boundaries in ways that left them feeling traumatized,” the investigation found.

The company was also described by former community members and staff as similar to a “prostitution ring”. OneTaste responded calling the claims “outrageous” and denied that employees were ecnouraged to engage in sexual acts with each other. Shortly after this, OneTaste closed its US locations.

Orgasmic meditation wasn’t exclusive to the US either, TurnOnBritain brought this practice to the UK, also with in-person classes, coaching and events but has since stopped providing these offerings, according to their website. Instead, they are offering private consultations.

There are a range of worldwide, either no longer running classes or with . So, while OneTaste as a company name may no longer be around, OM affiliates still exist.

The appeal of orgasmic meditation

Orgasmic mediation centres female pleasure, which is naturally alluring to most. But on a deeper level, and with the alleged benefits in mind, it speaks to those who seek a more profound experience with their bodies.

Miranda says, “There is a lot of benefit to focusing the body on sensations and can include genital touching. This can progress into mindful self-pleasure or mindful masturbation. If they’re experiencing sexual dysfunction such as vaginismus, it’s a way they can go into really being present in their body, feeling the sensations, and then allowing arousal to build through that.”

Although orgasmic meditation is sold as a partnered experience, somatic psychologist and sex therapist, Dr Holly Richmond, says a woman or person with a vagina can perform this act by themselves too.

“This practice creates an intention around sexuality to really focus on how you can feel best in your body,” she says. “The best sex starts with knowing ourselves, our own bodily exploration and what feels good to us without the projection of what feels good for other people.”

Is orgasmic mediation an authentic practice?

While Miranda and Dr Holly see the benefits of orgasmic mediation, they both say it wouldn’t be their go-to recommendation for their own clients.

As mentioned, the founding company, OneTaste, had its controversies, but even if you separate the company from the act of orgasmic meditation, it isn’t a flawless practice. For Dr Holly, her issue with orgasmic meditation largely lies in the name.

“I love that it’s a practice about presence, and I think all women would benefit from that, but because of the nature of the name ‘orgasmic’, it feels like a goal-oriented process,” she says.

“In my practice, I would work on developing a sexual template with a woman and figure out what turns her on and what her buttons for desire and arousal are. This would be a few weeks or months into her self-pleasure protocol.

“It could hurt if she just went for orgasmic meditation with the goal of ‘this is definitely going to help me reach orgasm’. But if this practice doesn’t work for her, I wouldn’t want to put any more shame or blame, [or aid in] someone feeling broken or incapable, so that’s why I like to start with just self-exploration and pleasure.”

As a result, focusing on the mindfulness aspect of orgasmic meditation is the priority here, but even with that, Miranda states that this practice shouldn’t be seen as the ‘be all and end all’ of all things pleasure in attempts to be one with your body.

“Mindful pleasure is great, but there’s nothing wrong with also enjoying more eroticised pleasures and orgasms. Nothing needs to be one dimensional,” she says.

“You could try different things and the important thing is that nothing becomes too narrow. The wider the lens and interests, then the more enjoyable and healthier somebody’s sex life may be.”

Whatever you might think of orgasmic meditation, if we strip it down to its simplest form of just combining mindfulness and elongated pleasure, it’s fairly harmless. But, relying on it as a DIY or partnered experience to resolve all of your sexual issues or awaken your sexual wellbeing, isn’t recommended by certified therapists – and understandably so.

Erotic Mindfulness: Can You Achieve An Orgasm Through Meditation?

drhllyrchmnd_1uxfzg — Tue, 15 Sep 2020 05:40:39 +0000

A sex therapist breaks down the concept of the uncommon practice.

Sex can be a very taboo topic for a select group of people who come from different cultures or backgrounds, and is something that many choose to not speak about. Some women, in particular, can be quite reserved when it comes to opening up about their sexual desires in the bedroom, while others are more transparent about their preferences – either alone or with company.

According to certified Somatic Psychologist and Sex Therapist Dr. Holly Richmond, it is vital for women to experience an orgasm due to it being beneficial for one’s mental and physical health. However, once performance starts to become goal-oriented, some tend to lose focus and disconnect from themselves and/or from their partner. As a result, the practice of erotic mindfulness was born, allowing singles and couples to further explore their bodies through the thoughtful exercise of awareness and presence without judgment.

To find out more about the concept behind mindful sex, how you can achieve an orgasm through meditation and why some women have a hard time finding their g-spot, read our interview with Dr. Richmond below.

If you’d like to further expand your knowledge on the topic, be sure to sign up for her last mindful sex sessions on September 22 via Dame Workshops.

How would you define erotic mindfulness? Is orgasmic meditation (OM) similar to traditional meditation?

Erotic mindfulness is an erotic practice in patience and awareness without judgment. What makes mindfulness so powerful is the cultivation of awareness in the present moment from the position of a non-judgmental observer. We are so often in our heads, fueling the critical observer side of our brains, thinking about everything we do, second-guessing what we say and criticizing what we look, sound, smell or taste like. To me, that is the exact opposite of erotic mindfulness.

I feel orgasmic meditation is a bit goal-oriented. The OM community says orgasm is not the goal, but “orgasmic” is in the name, so I believe that’s what people expect. I think any time we have goal-oriented sex, we are stepping away from mindful sex. Having an orgasm is important and I want everyone to experience that because they’re good for us and feel great, but when performance becomes the goal, I see couples disconnect from themselves and from each other.

What are the required steps to successfully achieve an orgasm through meditation?

The first step is to be grounded and present in your environment, making sure you feel safe and not anxious. I usually do a grounding exercise using the five senses to get my clients into their bodies.

The next step is to be open and curious about what you might discover. Our brains are our biggest sex organ and for women, in particular, hands-free orgasms are achievable and even readily accessible for some. We don’t have to do anything but use our erotic imagination and let that lead us toward pleasure.

The final step is to get out of your head and into your body, which ties back to this idea of the non-judgemental observer. My clients who have attempted but didn’t achieve orgasm through OM have told me that getting into their heads is when they lose touch with pleasure. When they started judging themselves and doubting their ability, they lost their ability to stay present and allow pleasure to come naturally. Our bodies know what to do – we just have to get our critical minds out of the way.

Our brains are our biggest sex organ and for women, in particular, hands-free orgasms are achievable and even readily accessible for some.

Why do some women find it difficult to find their g-spot?

Lack of practice — finding your g-spot is about exploration and taking the time to get to know your vulva, vagina and all of your erogenous zones. I talk to many women who haven’t explored their bodies because of cultural or familial taboos. Finding your g-spot isn’t entirely easy, but it also isn’t that difficult with a little focus, curiosity and patience. For some women, the g-spot is not an erogenous zone — it doesn’t feel comfortable and is very sensitive. I often hear from some of my clients that it makes them feel like they need to pee. It’s true that the g-spot can be a fantastic pleasure point to explore and it’s not the end of the world to have the best orgasm or the go-to spot for squirting. Those things may be true for some women but not for others.

What are some other mental and physical techniques one can use for finding their specific pleasure regions?

Patience, curiosity and practice. People’s erogenous zones are so varied — I feel like I am constantly fascinated because someone will tell me something I haven’t heard before. It’s not just about the clitoris, penis, butt or mouth — it might be the ears, neck, stomach or feet. It’s all on the table when it comes to erogenous zones and I think cultivating curiosity with yourself is very important. Try taking an hour to figure out what feels good, without the prescription of what should feel good.

For those who aren’t familiar, what is mindful sex and what are the benefits of it compared to regular sex?

Mindful sex is a slow and thoughtful practice of awareness and presence without judgment. It sounds fairly prescriptive but when you really sink into that, think about the last time you were in bed with yourself or your partner and there wasn’t a goal or expectation — that’s how it’s different from regular sex. There is just a curiosity and willingness to go where that sexual experience takes you. This is in opposition to what I think is happening so much today, where porn gives us a script and we think we’re supposed to make out, have oral sex, vaginal sex and so on. Although I’m not against porn, I understand how it serves us, as well as how it can create some limitations. Mindful sex is about presence and pleasure, and often the regular sex we have is about performance which can easily lead to anxiety. With mindful sex, there is no “right,” there’s just what is.

What are some dos and don’ts for couples trying tantric sex for the first time?

Tantra, in translation, means “the weave,” which to me translates further to connection. It’s not about crazy sex positions, lasting a really long time or holding back an orgasm. It’s about how we connect with each other. When beginning tantra practice, I ask couples to sit together, be present, touch each other and eye gaze for 30 seconds to one minute. It might feel uncomfortable but once you get through those initial seconds of awkwardness, you usually sink into this space of being present and feeling vulnerable. From there, the tantric principles lead directly to mindful sex because it’s all about the connection and pleasure, rather than the scripted performance we normally have in our heads. I’m all for the crazy positions and lasting longer but it has to start with connection.

Mindful sex is a slow and thoughtful practice of awareness and presence without judgment.

What about for those who are single?

I’ve given my single clients homework to eye gaze with themselves in a mirror. From there, I create a self-pleasure protocol for them that can go on for weeks, where in the first stages, I take the goal of orgasm off the table. For example, the first week will not involve touching the vulva or breasts but exploring your body and traditionally non-erogenous zones instead to see what feels good. The next week I would add in breast and butt, then the vulva, and finally penetration with fingers or a toy. If an orgasm happens, that’s fine, but I don’t want my clients to try to make an orgasm happen. I hear from a lot of my clients who are young women that they feel like they’re forcing their orgasms and that’s the opposite of mindfulness.

How do the principals of neuroscience and polyvagal theory apply to mindful sex?

Dr. Stephen Porges developed the polyvagal theory in the ’60s. Stripped down, it’s really the science of connection. The reason polyvagal theory is such a big part of my practice is because of my somatic perspective. I’m not just listening to what my clients say but also looking at body language. Anything that is going on physiologically is information for me and so much of this information is generated by the autonomic nervous system, which is where polyvagal theory starts.

I think about regulating our nervous system on a scale of one to 10 — one being almost catatonic and 10 being a full-blown panic attack. We all have our own space that feels best for us. For example, I run a little low and my normal point is probably a four, whereas my partner typically runs around a seven. We all have a middle point, and polyvagal theory is about getting back to that middle point so we can self regulate and connect with ourselves and with our partner. If we’re anxious, we definitely can’t feel pleasure, so it’s really about down-regulating when we’re too anxious but also knowing when to up-regulate if we’re too numb.

This applies to mindful sex through the cultivation of self-awareness to know whether you’re in anxiety and projection. If you’re in projection, that means you’re coming into sex thinking it’s supposed to go one way – following the limiting script of performance. I apply polyvagal theory to mindful sex by helping my clients bring projection and anxiety down to step into the present moment. That way, they can truly be with what is happening, not what they are afraid might happen. If we take anxiety and expectations out of our eroticism, pleasure naturally – and quite easily – follows.