By Dr. Holly Richmond

There are several different types of meditation, from zen and chakra to yoga, and they all have their benefits. But, there’s one that you probably won’t find on meditation apps and that is the unique practice of orgasmic meditation, otherwise known as OM.

What is orgasmic meditation?

Orgasmic meditation involves a partner stroking the upper left quadrant of the clitoris (as this part is supposedly the most sensitive) for 15 minutes, gently and with a lubricated finger. Sounds pretty familiar, but how exactly does it work as a form of meditation?

How does orgasmic mediation work?

Despite its name, the practice isn’t solely for women and people with vulvas to reach the end goal of an orgasm. While a more intense orgasm is a bonus, during this 15-minute session, the focus is on removing any other distractions and prioritizing the process of pleasure itself.

It may sound a lot like regular sexual stimulation, give or take a few minutes, however sex and relationship psychotherapist, Miranda Christophers, explains the difference. “Orgasmic mediation is to do with the mindfulness aspect. It’s being aware that other thoughts may come in, but moving them to one side and then going back into focusing purely on the sensation. It’s about focusing within the body rather than within the mind and really noticing the feeling.”

Essentially the meditation aspect comes from being present in the moment, rather than focusing too strongly on how long it’s taking you to reach orgasm, saying the right things or looking at pornography, or your partner.

Where does orgasmic meditation come from?

Orgasmic meditation is a practice that was adopted and made mainstream in 2004 by co-founder of OneTaste, Nicole Daedone. Daedone claims she was introduced to this practice by a Buddhist monk in her 2011 TEDx Talk. During Daedone’s leadership of the company, she marketed orgasmic meditation as an opportunity for people to reclaim their sexuality, improve their sex lives and even help with recovery from sexual trauma.

Quite a lot of power and pressure to put on such a simple method, but with these claims in mind, it’s not surprising that orgasmic mediation became so popular.

OneTaste was a US business that taught orgasmic mediation workshops, including dozens of women ‘OM-ing’ together. It got really popular, but faced a great deal of controversy over the price of its workshops and the way it ran its operations, particularly when Bloomberg published an expose on the company in 2018. “Many who’ve become involved in the upper echelons describe an organization that they found ran on predatory sales and pushed members to ignore their financial, emotional, and physical boundaries in ways that left them feeling traumatized,” the investigation found.

The company was also described by former community members and staff as similar to a “prostitution ring”. OneTaste responded calling the claims “outrageous” and denied that employees were ecnouraged to engage in sexual acts with each other. Shortly after this, OneTaste closed its US locations.

Orgasmic meditation wasn’t exclusive to the US either, TurnOnBritain brought this practice to the UK, also with in-person classes, coaching and events but has since stopped providing these offerings, according to their website. Instead, they are offering private consultations.

There are a range of  worldwide, either no longer running classes or with . So, while OneTaste as a company name may no longer be around, OM affiliates still exist.

The appeal of orgasmic meditation

Orgasmic mediation centres female pleasure, which is naturally alluring to most. But on a deeper level, and with the alleged benefits in mind, it speaks to those who seek a more profound experience with their bodies.

Miranda says, “There is a lot of benefit to focusing the body on sensations and can include genital touching. This can progress into mindful self-pleasure or mindful masturbation. If they’re experiencing sexual dysfunction such as vaginismus, it’s a way they can go into really being present in their body, feeling the sensations, and then allowing arousal to build through that.”

Although orgasmic meditation is sold as a partnered experience, somatic psychologist and sex therapist, Dr Holly Richmond, says a woman or person with a vagina can perform this act by themselves too.

“This practice creates an intention around sexuality to really focus on how you can feel best in your body,” she says. “The best sex starts with knowing ourselves, our own bodily exploration and what feels good to us without the projection of what feels good for other people.”

Is orgasmic mediation an authentic practice?

While Miranda and Dr Holly see the benefits of orgasmic mediation, they both say it wouldn’t be their go-to recommendation for their own clients.

As mentioned, the founding company, OneTaste, had its controversies, but even if you separate the company from the act of orgasmic meditation, it isn’t a flawless practice. For Dr Holly, her issue with orgasmic meditation largely lies in the name.

“I love that it’s a practice about presence, and I think all women would benefit from that, but because of the nature of the name ‘orgasmic’, it feels like a goal-oriented process,” she says.

“In my practice, I would work on developing a sexual template with a woman and figure out what turns her on and what her buttons for desire and arousal are. This would be a few weeks or months into her self-pleasure protocol.

“It could hurt if she just went for orgasmic meditation with the goal of ‘this is definitely going to help me reach orgasm’. But if this practice doesn’t work for her, I wouldn’t want to put any more shame or blame, [or aid in] someone feeling broken or incapable, so that’s why I like to start with just self-exploration and pleasure.”

As a result, focusing on the mindfulness aspect of orgasmic meditation is the priority here, but even with that, Miranda states that this practice shouldn’t be seen as the ‘be all and end all’ of all things pleasure in attempts to be one with your body.

“Mindful pleasure is great, but there’s nothing wrong with also enjoying more eroticised pleasures and orgasms. Nothing needs to be one dimensional,” she says.

“You could try different things and the important thing is that nothing becomes too narrow. The wider the lens and interests, then the more enjoyable and healthier somebody’s sex life may be.”

Whatever you might think of orgasmic meditation, if we strip it down to its simplest form of just combining mindfulness and elongated pleasure, it’s fairly harmless. But, relying on it as a DIY or partnered experience to resolve all of your sexual issues or awaken your sexual wellbeing, isn’t recommended by certified therapists – and understandably so.

While sexual health is undoubtedly part of general health, unfortunately, not many people are encouraged to seek out health care professionals. And, even more unfortunately, most health care providers aren’t trained in sexual health. (Fun fact: My sex educator training was 60 hours. Doctors get, on average, between three and 10 hours.) So hats off to you for actively seeking out professionals who can help with your sex life.

Three specialists can really help you improve your sexual satisfaction: a gynecologist, a pelvic health specialist, and a sex therapist or coach.

A gynecologist can help you figure out if you have any health issues— like a sexually transmitted infection, bacterial infection, urinary tract infection, endometriosis, or even an ovarian cyst, for example — that could be interfering with your enjoyment of sex. Dr. Arumala, OB/GYN and Ph.D. Feminine Health Advisor, recommends seeking out a gynecologist who specifically advertises that they help with sexual dysfunction because they’ll be “an engaged provider who most likely has extensive additional training and/or experience.”

Dr. Arumala also strongly recommends being open with your gynecologist because they can help you determine where the root cause of your issues may be — and refer to a specialist to help solve those issues.

If your issues seem to be physical, your gynecologist might recommend a pelvic health specialist, a health care professional who helps you with the muscles in your pelvic floor. Rachel Gelman, PT, DPT, tells Bustle that “most people have overactive or stiff pelvic floor muscles and need to learn how to relax these muscles.”

“The pelvic floor muscles play a role in sexual function,” Gelman says. “These muscles contract and relax during orgasm, so making sure these muscles have an optimal range of motion and that a person has good control over these muscles is important for an orgasm to happen. People often focus on contracting and strengthening and don’t think about relaxing. “

Gelman also says that people with pelvic floor dysfunction sometimes experience clitoral pain when orgasming because pelvic floor muscles cover the internal clitoris. Gelman says that working the tension out of those muscle groups can lead to reduced pain, better sex, and better orgasms.

Finally, you might want to consider reaching out to a sex therapist. Dr. Holly Richmond, Ph.D., tells Bustle that sex therapists help bridge any disconnections a person might have between their minds and bodies.

“All sex therapists are trained as licensed psychotherapists, so there is often a deep dive into the past to unearth any sexual stumbling blocks,” Dr. Richmond says. “Then, in the present, the sex therapist will offer practical steps to address the problem. If someone is having problems orgasming, it would mean looking into when and how this is presents (it’s always been this way, it’s recently started, it only happens alone, only with partners, etc.) in conjunction with hands-on homework, quite literally.”

In other words, the doctor will help figure out the root of the problem and then give you steps to solve it. Dr. Richmond recommends checking out the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors, and Therapists (AASECT) for a licensed sex therapist near you.

Our sexual selves are really our whole selves: physical, mental, and — for some — spiritual. So when you’re faced with an issue in your sex life, it’s worth it to figure out which is affecting you most. Start with a gynecologist, and then branch out from there. And, remember, no matter how frustrating it might get — there is a solution out there.

Experts:

Dr. Arumala, OB/GYN and pH-D Feminine Health Advisor

Rachel Gelman, PT, DPT

Dr. Holly Richmond, Ph.D.

Sex can be a very taboo topic for a select group of people who come from different cultures or backgrounds, and is something that many choose to not speak about. Some women, in particular, can be quite reserved when it comes to opening up about their sexual desires in the bedroom, while others are more transparent about their preferences – either alone or with company.

According to certified Somatic Psychologist and Sex Therapist Dr. Holly Richmond, it is vital for women to experience an orgasm due to it being beneficial for one’s mental and physical health. However, once performance starts to become goal-oriented, some tend to lose focus and disconnect from themselves and/or from their partner. As a result, the practice of erotic mindfulness was born, allowing singles and couples to further explore their bodies through the thoughtful exercise of awareness and presence without judgment.

To find out more about the concept behind mindful sex, how you can achieve an orgasm through meditation and why some women have a hard time finding their g-spot, read our interview with Dr. Richmond below.

If you’d like to further expand your knowledge on the topic, be sure to sign up for her last mindful sex sessions on September 22 via Dame Workshops.

How would you define erotic mindfulness? Is orgasmic meditation (OM) similar to traditional meditation?

Erotic mindfulness is an erotic practice in patience and awareness without judgment. What makes mindfulness so powerful is the cultivation of awareness in the present moment from the position of a non-judgmental observer. We are so often in our heads, fueling the critical observer side of our brains, thinking about everything we do, second-guessing what we say and criticizing what we look, sound, smell or taste like. To me, that is the exact opposite of erotic mindfulness.

I feel orgasmic meditation is a bit goal-oriented. The OM community says orgasm is not the goal, but “orgasmic” is in the name, so I believe that’s what people expect. I think any time we have goal-oriented sex, we are stepping away from mindful sex. Having an orgasm is important and I want everyone to experience that because they’re good for us and feel great, but when performance becomes the goal, I see couples disconnect from themselves and from each other.

What are the required steps to successfully achieve an orgasm through meditation?

The first step is to be grounded and present in your environment, making sure you feel safe and not anxious. I usually do a grounding exercise using the five senses to get my clients into their bodies.

The next step is to be open and curious about what you might discover. Our brains are our biggest sex organ and for women, in particular, hands-free orgasms are achievable and even readily accessible for some. We don’t have to do anything but use our erotic imagination and let that lead us toward pleasure.

The final step is to get out of your head and into your body, which ties back to this idea of the non-judgemental observer. My clients who have attempted but didn’t achieve orgasm through OM have told me that getting into their heads is when they lose touch with pleasure. When they started judging themselves and doubting their ability, they lost their ability to stay present and allow pleasure to come naturally. Our bodies know what to do – we just have to get our critical minds out of the way.

Our brains are our biggest sex organ and for women, in particular, hands-free orgasms are achievable and even readily accessible for some.

Why do some women find it difficult to find their g-spot?

Lack of practice — finding your g-spot is about exploration and taking the time to get to know your vulva, vagina and all of your erogenous zones. I talk to many women who haven’t explored their bodies because of cultural or familial taboos. Finding your g-spot isn’t entirely easy, but it also isn’t that difficult with a little focus, curiosity and patience. For some women, the g-spot is not an erogenous zone — it doesn’t feel comfortable and is very sensitive. I often hear from some of my clients that it makes them feel like they need to pee. It’s true that the g-spot can be a fantastic pleasure point to explore and it’s not the end of the world to have the best orgasm or the go-to spot for squirting. Those things may be true for some women but not for others.

What are some other mental and physical techniques one can use for finding their specific pleasure regions?

Patience, curiosity and practice. People’s erogenous zones are so varied — I feel like I am constantly fascinated because someone will tell me something I haven’t heard before. It’s not just about the clitoris, penis, butt or mouth — it might be the ears, neck, stomach or feet. It’s all on the table when it comes to erogenous zones and I think cultivating curiosity with yourself is very important. Try taking an hour to figure out what feels good, without the prescription of what should feel good.

For those who aren’t familiar, what is mindful sex and what are the benefits of it compared to regular sex?

Mindful sex is a slow and thoughtful practice of awareness and presence without judgment. It sounds fairly prescriptive but when you really sink into that, think about the last time you were in bed with yourself or your partner and there wasn’t a goal or expectation — that’s how it’s different from regular sex. There is just a curiosity and willingness to go where that sexual experience takes you. This is in opposition to what I think is happening so much today, where porn gives us a script and we think we’re supposed to make out, have oral sex, vaginal sex and so on. Although I’m not against porn, I understand how it serves us, as well as how it can create some limitations. Mindful sex is about presence and pleasure, and often the regular sex we have is about performance which can easily lead to anxiety. With mindful sex, there is no “right,” there’s just what is.

What are some dos and don’ts for couples trying tantric sex for the first time?

Tantra, in translation, means “the weave,” which to me translates further to connection. It’s not about crazy sex positions, lasting a really long time or holding back an orgasm. It’s about how we connect with each other. When beginning tantra practice, I ask couples to sit together, be present, touch each other and eye gaze for 30 seconds to one minute. It might feel uncomfortable but once you get through those initial seconds of awkwardness, you usually sink into this space of being present and feeling vulnerable. From there, the tantric principles lead directly to mindful sex because it’s all about the connection and pleasure, rather than the scripted performance we normally have in our heads. I’m all for the crazy positions and lasting longer but it has to start with connection.

Mindful sex is a slow and thoughtful practice of awareness and presence without judgment.

What about for those who are single?

I’ve given my single clients homework to eye gaze with themselves in a mirror. From there, I create a self-pleasure protocol for them that can go on for weeks, where in the first stages, I take the goal of orgasm off the table. For example, the first week will not involve touching the vulva or breasts but exploring your body and traditionally non-erogenous zones instead to see what feels good. The next week I would add in breast and butt, then the vulva, and finally penetration with fingers or a toy. If an orgasm happens, that’s fine, but I don’t want my clients to try to make an orgasm happen. I hear from a lot of my clients who are young women that they feel like they’re forcing their orgasms and that’s the opposite of mindfulness.

How do the principals of neuroscience and polyvagal theory apply to mindful sex?

Dr. Stephen Porges developed the polyvagal theory in the ’60s. Stripped down, it’s really the science of connection. The reason polyvagal theory is such a big part of my practice is because of my somatic perspective. I’m not just listening to what my clients say but also looking at body language. Anything that is going on physiologically is information for me and so much of this information is generated by the autonomic nervous system, which is where polyvagal theory starts.

I think about regulating our nervous system on a scale of one to 10 — one being almost catatonic and 10 being a full-blown panic attack. We all have our own space that feels best for us. For example, I run a little low and my normal point is probably a four, whereas my partner typically runs around a seven. We all have a middle point, and polyvagal theory is about getting back to that middle point so we can self regulate and connect with ourselves and with our partner. If we’re anxious, we definitely can’t feel pleasure, so it’s really about down-regulating when we’re too anxious but also knowing when to up-regulate if we’re too numb.

This applies to mindful sex through the cultivation of self-awareness to know whether you’re in anxiety and projection. If you’re in projection, that means you’re coming into sex thinking it’s supposed to go one way – following the limiting script of performance. I apply polyvagal theory to mindful sex by helping my clients bring projection and anxiety down to step into the present moment. That way, they can truly be with what is happening, not what they are afraid might happen. If we take anxiety and expectations out of our eroticism, pleasure naturally – and quite easily – follows.

Coitus reservatus, or holding back an orgasm, is an ancient sexual practice, dating back to ancient Roman times in the West and chronicled in the East in a 4th-century AD text in China, which recounts the myth that the goddess Su-Nu instructed the Yellow Emperor that withholding orgasm while having deeply penetrative and slow sex was the best way to live.

Today, coitus reservatus exists in a variety of forms, namely edging, tantric sex, karezza, and orgasm denial — and probably many more, given the ingenuity of human sexual practice. But control seems to be the crux of any benefit from holding back an orgasm via these practices — gaining control, losing control, and sharing control.

Let’s start with edging. Now a type of foreplay, edging has its roots in a therapy developed by urologist James Semans to help men struggling with premature ejaculation (roughly 30% of men everywhere). The basic gist of edging is stimulating yourself (or a partner stimulating you manually or a couple stimulating each other via intercourse) to the brink of orgasm, then stopping, squeezing, or backing off — only to repeat the advance, pause, advance, pause. For some, this process is intended to end in orgasm — which anecdotally, is much more intense after all the time spent ‘on the edge.’ For others, especially couples, edging is a way to make sex more about the journey and less about “that great prize at the end,” Dr. Holly Richmond, psychologist and licensed sex therapist, told Men’s Health. And for men struggling with premature ejaculation, it’s about gaining more control over their physical responses to stimulation.

Control infuses tantric sex practices a little differently. Tantric sex twisted into being over centuries out of Tantra, esoteric philosophies found within both Hindu and Buddhist traditions that may (or may not) have had an erotic element, but weren’t particularly devoted to sexual practices. By the late 19th century and early 20th century, however, as colonialism facilitated cultural exchange, tantric sexual practices coalesced via a “strange feedback loop” writes Peter von Ziegesar in an essay on coitus reservatus for Aeon, “in which Indian practitioners and gurus [began to] take their ideas from Western scholars and sell them to Western disciples thirsting for initiation into the mysteries of the East,” he quotes David Gordon White, a professor of comparative religions at the University of California, Santa Barbara, as explaining.

Some of these tantric sex practices focus on men’s ability to hold back orgasm, which many argue produces a transcendence that facilitates greater insight into — in alternative phrasing, control over — the subconscious. von Ziegesar describes a demonstration during a tantric sex conference in which a young man is sexually stimulated by a female partner while choosing not to climax but instead maintain a plateaued state of arousal. He “seemed to go into an altered state. At one point during the pummelling, the audience was invited to ask him questions. At first, the queries were anodyne. ‘How are you feeling?’ ‘Good.’ Then someone asked: ‘Is there anything you want to tell your parents?’ To which he responded: ‘I want to tell them to leave me alone!’”

Another such tantric-related practice during the 19th century was karezza, which has gained new attention in recent years. Karezza, from the Italian word “to caress” and originally developed for heterosexual couples, boils down to having slow sex that does not culminate in an orgasm, but instead focuses on touching and emotional intimacy. Within karezza, and similar practices, sex, so often defined by male climax and hence, by male control of intimacy, is redefined as mutual control — and thus, mutual enjoyment — of sexual pleasure, as both partners work together to maintain the plateau stage of arousal. In theory, von Ziegesar points out, this shared control without the aim of orgasm — or even tantric acts geared toward men holding back orgasm — creates more opportunity for other forms of intimacy, such as eye-gazing between partners, which carry a host of proven benefits related to bonding, empathy, self-awareness, memory, and positivity.

By contrast, orgasm denial is a version of holding back orgasm that’s all about an imbalance of control. It’s a sub-dom kink in which one partner (the dom) stimulates another (the sub) to the brink of orgasm, then purposefully stops, denying the former release; sometimes this pattern is repeated. (There are a lot of variations on this kind of sex play, but that’s the gist.) While kink, in its purest form, ensures subs control over their experience, part of the satisfaction in, well, a lack of satisfaction, is the loss of control over the stimulation and climax. As one essayist writes about orgasm denial (which she incorrectly describes as edging) leading up to the “best orgasm [she] ever had” for HuffPost: “He was absolutely enjoying himself in making me wait. And I was too. The anticipation was incredible. … I was in a trance-like state or [sic] extreme arousal and desire when I was finally allowed to climax.” Allowed being the operative word.

Unfortunately, because of societal squeamishness about sex — particularly in the traditionally puritanical U.S., a world leader in scientific research — the above benefits are mostly theoretical and anecdotal; there’s very little funding or encouragement for scientists to study anything to do with sex, including orgasm. This means there’s a lack of scientific insight to answer this question, leaving the average, sexually active person at the mercy of Reddit threads, wellness gurus, and self-proclaimed sexperts.

“The amount of speculation versus actual data on both the function and value of orgasm is remarkable,” Julia Heiman, director of the Kinsey Institute for Research in Sex, Gender, and Reproduction in Bloomington, Indiana, told Kayt Sukel for her essay on scientific research into the female orgasm for New Scientist.

And what we do know about not climaxing is focused on failing to achieve orgasm (a turn of phrase that sets up the orgasm as the ultimate goal and arbiter of intimacy), leaving us with very little knowledge about what happens when we are aroused, but purposefully don’t come.

Still, we do know a bit about what happens when we do climax — and what the benefits of orgasms might be. Several studies suggest that more orgasms, up to a point, correlate with longer life spans. (Of course, that could just mean healthier people are likely to be sexually active.) We also know that when we climax, the brain (among other responses) floods its reward center with dopamine, the neurotransmitter associated with motivation, reward, and addiction, among other things.

Ultimately, few studies suggest holding back orgasms has health benefits — but none describe any health damage. Myths like “not climaxing will make your sperm back up” are simply, laughably false. This means most of the benefits of holding back an orgasm are deeply personal and tied up in our deepest desires and ideals around what a sexual experience should be. Ultimately, if withholding orgasm — through edging, tantric sex, karezza, orgasm denial kink, or other practices — works for the individual (and any partner), they should do it; if it doesn’t, they shouldn’t. Science has yet to give us a reason to elevate orgasms to the place they so clearly hold in our societal fantasies, which puts control — however different people prefer it — decidedly in our hands.

By Meagan Drillinger

Have you ever been in bed with your partner and they just can’t, well, finish? Or, even worse, you strongly suspect they’re faking it? It seems nothing is as big a blow to a guy’s self-esteem as failing to get someone off.

But we’re going to let you in on a little secret: sex is… wait for it… about more than just orgasms. Even though our culture tends to view orgasm as the be-all end-all of sex, really, really good sex is not about the destination — it’s about the journey.

Enter edging.

What is edging?

Edging is essentially the ultimate tease: it’s taking you right to the “edge” of orgasm, then stopping, resting, and repeating. “Edging can be a personal practice and also a therapeutic tool,” says Dr. Holly Richmond, psychologist and licensed sex therapist. “What it is is stroking the penis like you might normally during masturbation, but slower and more mindfully.”

The term “mindful” is key here. These days, mindfulness is a buzzword used to describe everything, from our overall wellness to our diets to how we design our apartments and our closets. Mindfulness extends to sex as well, and edging is just one example of a way that people are looking to have orgasms with intent.

In short, edging is about reducing performance anxiety and paying attention to what you’re doing right now. “The focus is not on the orgasm,” Richmond says, “but pleasure in the moment.”

Wait, seriously? You want me to delay my orgasm? Uh, why would I do that?

OK, hear us out for a second.

“Viewing sex as all about the orgasm is a response to a lot of the media we have out there, from pornography to mainstream television” says Stephanie Alys, founder and CEO of the sex toy company MysteryVibe. “[People] always refer to sex as penetration. But that definition of sex can be very limiting.”

For starters, emphasizing orgasm over everything else is a pretty heteronormative view of sex (meaning that it’s restricted to penis-in-vagina intercourse — and guess what, not everyone has sex that way.) It also ignores the crucial fact that sex is pretty fun overall — and that applies to the moments leading up to orgasm as well.

“If men don’t have an orgasm, they call 911 and think the world is coming to an end,” says Richmond. “[But] sex can just be about pleasure, and not that great prize at the end. Edging is a fantastic tool to get men out of their heads and into their bodies.”

“The focus is not on the orgasm, but pleasure in the moment.”

Edging serves a few different purposes. As a training tool, you can try it by yourself to help build up sexual stamina and endurance, which will ultimately lead to stronger and better orgasms. This is particularly helpful if you’re one of the 20-30% of men who struggle with premature ejaculation.

If you want to learn how to last longer in bed, Richmond suggests practicing edging on your own. Rate your pleasure on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being “going over the edge to orgasm,” says Richmond. “On Day 1, stroke yourself, or have your partner stroke you, until you reach a 4, and bring yourself down. Let your penis be flaccid for 30 seconds, or a minute, and then go again.” The Fleshlight Stamina Training Unit ($69.95) can be used to practice edging solo; the Pulse III Solo by Hot Octopuss ($119) is another, slightly flashier, higher-tech option.

You can also use edging as a form of foreplay. If your partner is giving you oral sex or stroking your penis, tell them to stop and start at their discretion. Giving your partner the power to control your orgasm can be incredibly hot, both for them and for you. “It’s a perfect balance between being in control, and relinquishing that control to be in the moment,” Richmond says.

Should I try edging?

Even if you don’t struggle with premature ejaculation, edging can yield some serious benefits. It helps you become more acquainted with your own body and desires, and it can be a major turn-on for your partner as well.

“Creating a connection is something couples don’t do much these days,” says Alys. “Edging is a really great practice that we encourage, and being able to take control of your partner’s experience and pleasure can create exciting, connected, mindful sessions of pleasure.”

by Charlotte Hilton Andersen

Mushrooms are a superfood. With high levels of vitamin D, selenium, and micronutrients, the fungus among us is said to have powerful health properties, including boosting the immune system and warding off depression and anxiety. But they’ve been recently hyped for a whole different kind of superpower: Mind-blowing orgasms. According to a study published in the International Journal of Medicinal Mushrooms (where else?), a rare Hawaiian mushroom can instantly give women an orgasm—just from a single whiff.

After hearing rumors from locals, researchers asked a handful of male and female volunteers to inhale the musky scent of the unnamed bright orange mushroom found growing on recent lava flows. The men said it was vile. But the women? “Nearly half experienced spontaneous orgasm” and were immediately transported to the heights of ecstasy. (The other half said it made their hearts race.) The scientists chalked it up to “hormone-like compounds” in the fungi spores that may stimulate the same part of the brain turned on by sex. But is this magic mushroom legit? Or was everyone just trippin’?

“We would’ve figured it out a long time ago if women’s desire was as simple as smelling a fungus,” laughs Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. “We can’t even create a women’s version of Viagra—as shown by the recent Addyi debacle—so I doubt this mushroom will do it.”

The thing many people don’t understand, Richmond says, is that women’s and men’s orgasms are totally different biological processes. “For men it’s relatively simple—you’re increasing blood flow to get an erection,” she explains. “For women, it’s a combination of arousal and desire. Arousal is what’s happening physiologically. But a crucial component of an orgasm from women is desire, the wanting and yearning. This begs the question: If you’re carrying around this fungus, what does it make you desire? Is it sex with partner? Anonymous sex? Sex with yourself?”

That’s not to say, however, that the mushroom-sniffing ladies were necessarily faking it. Rather, Richmond thinks it may be an example of a thought-induced orgasm. “As any woman who’s had a ‘wet dream’ can tell you, women can have an orgasm without any direct physical stimulation,” she says. “The biggest sex organ is the brain; if a woman can open it up to fantasy then absolutely, orgasm is possible just from thinking about it.”

If mushrooms are what gets you off, we’re not judging your kink. But know there are ways to make sure you have a great orgasm that don’t require hiking lava flows and harvesting flora. “The key to orgasming is to know yourself,” Richmond says. “Spend time being sexually experimental with yourself. Know what you like. Know what it takes to bring yourself to orgasm. Spend time with self-pleasure.” She also recommends learning how to stay present and focused on pleasure during sex and how to speak to your partner about what you like and want.

Bottom line? The real magic here is the amazing female brain.