For some, this decade can feel like their most sexually charged time. But for others, external factors like birth control, PCOS, body image and confidence issues or even stress about pregnancy and relationships can lower libido, she adds.

In your 30s…

While your testosterone levels start to decline in this decade, it’s often when women feel the most in tune with their desires, says Dweck.

‘By this point, many women know their bodies better, feel more sexually confident, and are more comfortable asking for what they want,’ says Dweck.

By the time women reach their 30s, they’ve likely experimented on their own with their pleasure, adds Richmond, and aren’t afraid to bring a sex toy into the mix to turn things up a notch. Overall, the 30s often feel like a true sexual prime.

In your 40s…

With this decade comes early perimenopausal changes, which cause your hormones (especially oestrogen and progesterone) to start fluctuating unpredictably.

‘Hormonal changes start well before menopause. Oestrogen levels climb and drop more dramatically, cycles can become irregular, and many women notice shifts in libido, mood, or even sleep,’ Dweck says. For some, this means a dip in sex drive, but for others, this decade can feel even more liberating.

Many women are more sexually confident than ever and less stressed about contraception or pleasing a partner over themselves, adds Dweck.

However, hormonal swings can lead to changes in vaginal lubrication and sensitivity. ‘Vaginal dryness starts creeping in for some women in their 40s, which can make sex less comfortable,’ she says. ‘But it’s easily manageable with moisturisers, lubricants and vaginal oestrogen if needed.’

In your 50s and beyond…

The biggest hormonal shift happens during menopause, on average at age 51, says Dweck. The ovaries stop ovulating, oestrogen levels drop significantly and progesterone production ceases altogether.

‘While this can lead to lower libido, it doesn’t mean a woman’s sex life is over,’ says Dweck. In fact, many of Dweck’s patients say they feel sexier than ever, often due to simply being more self-confident and comfortable in their own skin than they have in past decades.

At 55, Richmond says she’s having the best, most satisfying sex of her life — even better than in her 20s — thanks to confidence, prioritizing her own pleasure, and embracing novelty with toys, lingerie and role-playing.

While her natural libido isn’t roaring like it was when she was younger, hormone replacement therapy, especially testosterone, has helped her reconnect with her desire and fully enjoy intimacy with her husband.

How Pregnancy Can Impact Your Sexual Peak

As many women are reaching their sexual peak in their 30s, they may also be trying to get pregnant. (The average age women become mothers was 30.9 in the UK in 2023, according to the Office for National Statistics.)

Thanks to evolution, libido increases around ovulation, says Dweck. And if a woman becomes pregnant, her hormones go into overdrive. ‘Oestrogen plays a huge role in sexual desire and during pregnancy it’s at an all-time high,’ she explains. ‘Many women feel more sensual.’

The increase in oestrogen also makes genital tissue more sensitive, which can create a ‘heightened feeling’ when touched. Of course, some women experiencing other less-sexy pregnancy symptoms, like morning sickness and exhaustion, may not be in the mood, especially in the first trimester, she notes.

After childbirth, oestrogen levels drop drastically, especially if a woman is breastfeeding. ‘If a woman is lactating, especially exclusively, oestrogen levels remain very low, which can cause vaginal dryness and make the vaginal tissues feel thinner and more sensitive—similar to what we see in menopausal women,’ Dweck says. This hormonal shift can make sex uncomfortable and temporarily lower libido.

Fatigue, stress, and body changes also play a major role. Many new mums struggle with exhaustion, healing from childbirth or adjusting to a new routine, all of which can make sex feel like an afterthought. Others, though, may find this time a sexual renaissance, depending on their hormonal response and recovery.

How To Get Your Sex Drive Back To Peak Performance

If you want your hormonal health — and libido — to reach new heights, the first step is to visit a gynaecologist or endocrinologist, says Dweck. Talk to your GP about a referral, or ask if you can get a blood test to show your hormone levels and help outline the best path forward.

Hormone replacement therapy can be a helpful treatment in women approaching menopause, say Richmond and Dweck. And though many women were discouraged from HRT for years, Richmond adds, it’s a completely safe option for many patients. Another option: if a drop in oestrogen is causing dryness down there, women may want to try vaginal moisturizers with oestrogen to lubricate internally, as well as a regular lube.

Pelvic floor therapy can also be a game-changer for women experiencing pain or discomfort during sex. For women with a hypertonic (too tight) pelvic floor, conditions like vaginismus, when the vaginal muscles seize up when penetrated, can make sex painful, Richmond says. Pelvic floor therapy can help these women learn relaxation techniques to make sex more comfortable.

On the other end of the spectrum, some women experience a hypotonic or weakened pelvic floor, especially post-menopause or after childbirth. This, combined with a decrease in oestrogen, can put women at risk for a condition called prolapse, where the bladder or uterus drops down, sometimes hanging outside of the vagina.

While 50% of women experience a prolapse of some kind during their life, it doesn’t have to be something they are forced to live with. ‘For women who have prolapse or the beginning stages of it, pelvic floor PT can help tone and lift those muscles, improving both confidence and comfort during sex,’ says Richmond.

Ultimately, everyone’s journey to their sexual peak differs. While some women may reach the summit of their satisfaction is in their 30s, others may reach new heights in their 50s or 60s because of a new partner, position or toy. Whatever you do, don’t write off your best sex as being behind you.

Give your partner a hand.

As couples across America are said to be stuck battling “sexless January,” experts are saying it’s time to bring back a simple sex act some may not have tried since their teen years.

“The hand job definitely doesn’t happen enough in adult bedrooms,” Vanessa Marin, a licensed sex therapist, told Women’s Health.

“It’s a huge shame because a hand job is a great way to bring pleasure to your partner,” the nookie ninja nudged.

Consensus among the coitus cognoscenti appears to be that sexy stroking doesn’t just have to be used to get things going — it can even be the main event.

“We tend to think of hand jobs as something that comes before ‘sex,’ but remember, sex is what you want it to be and changes with each and every sexual experience,” Holly Richmond, certified sex therapist and somatic psychotherapist, told the outlet.

“Hand jobs can be a great way to tease as a prelude to oral or intercourse, or a great way to get off at the end,” she said.

To help horny hotties spice up their sex lives, the making-it mavens shared nearly thirty handy tips for handy j’s with Women’s Health.

For example — watching your partner masturbate and then matching their moves was encouraged, for those eager to grasp how to give your partner the best handjob.

Have your partner masturbate in front of you and take note of how they touch themselves. It will show you the speed and motion they enjoy and also likely get you going as well, Richmond said.

“For many, watching their partner masturbate is a huge turn-on,” she added.

And don’t be afraid to take things in hand, either.

“You can be a lot firmer than you think,” Marin urged.

To gauge how hard you should grip, the romance resource person recommends gripping the shaft and gradually increasing pressure asking your partner to tell if it gets to be too much.

Don’t be shy, either, the private parts pros urged in the fairly lengthy article — looking into your lover’s eyes is an intimate act that only adds to the close connection whether it be directly or through a mirror’s reflection, they said.

Make eye contact while you stroke your partner near a mirror and then allow them to watch themselves enjoy it and you pleasure themselves.

“Give your partner a great hand job while they’re looking in the mirror and can watch themself and you,” Richmond suggested.

“Many people are very turned on by watching themselves but are often too shy to ask, so suggest a little voyeuristic show.”

For first-timers, meditation can be difficult to get into. But what if it was a little bit…sexier? That’s the ethos behind orgasmic meditation, a mindfulness technique that combines meditation and sex to achieve new levels of intimacy and inner peace. Many people across the world have shared their viscerally positive experiences with the practice — yet, various controversies surrounding the organizations promoting orgasmic meditation, as well as questions about the science behind it, have emerged over the years.

Today, experts in mindfulness, meditation, and sex therapy are trying to cut through the hype and questionable science to get to the bottom of how sexual pleasure can effectively be incorporated into meditation practices. This is what you need to know.

What Is Orgasmic Meditation?

If you’re single, it might be hard to practice traditional orgasmic meditation (OM), which is a partnered practice for straight couples — or for women willing to pay a professional OM instructor.

As the woman lays down in her “den,” usually a comfortable space on the floor, the person with the role of the “stroker,” typically a man, wears latex gloves and covers their index finger in lubricant, then proceeds to pleasure her. The stroking has to have a methodology to it, though, as the stroker must massage the upper-left quadrant of the clitoris with a firm yet gentle up-and-down motion for approximately fifteen minutes. Here’s a (definitely NSFW) video on how to properly practice the meditation technique, if you need a visual explainer.

What’s crucial here is that the goal of the stroking is not, contrary to what the name might suggest, orgasm. Rather, the goal is reaching a level of heightened pleasure, inner peace, and arousal, in which most people are said to feel happier and more creative. However, moaning throughout the practice is highly encouraged. OM practitioners are recommended to share their thoughts and feelings out loud after the meditation in order to vocalize their inner world and reflections.

Sharing sexual desires is a core part of orgasmic meditation. I participated in an orgasmic meditation class in October 2016 with TurnOn Britain, the now defunct organization that brought orgasmic meditation to Europe. Its co-founder Kapil Gupta explained the basics of orgasmic meditation and was adamant that before actually getting to any stroking, it’s necessary to open up with oneself about our sex life and desires. What’s your deepest desire? How do you feel about it? What is something you like but you’ve not had the courage to admit to yourself?

Why Orgasmic Meditation Is For Men, Even If It’s Not

Orgasmic meditation is all about the stroking of the clitoris, and cisgender men aren’t actually touched by their partner or by themselves in the process. They don’t kiss or flirt or even have to take their clothes off. But that doesn’t mean they don’t get anything out of the experience.

Some men have reported that orgasmic meditation shifted their perspective about sex. As one man told GQ, practicing OM helped him realize that sex isn’t about giving so that he can get something in response. It’s helped him learn to not expect anything out of sex and to enjoy it without the ultimate goal of climaxing. Another man said orgasmic meditation helped him learn to slow down and focus on connection in the bedroom.

Men also report benefits that have nothing to do with getting it on. Some report feeling more energized after OM. And because of the focus on communication during orgasmic meditation, some have improved their ability to listen to women. In this way, one man even reported that OM helped his relationship with his mom.

As another person told Healthline, “I’m not a scientist but I can say that [practicing OM] helped my confidence — it helped my relationships with women. It turned my volume up. I felt like I finally understand women and how their bodies and minds work.”

Does Orgasmic Meditation Actually Work?

Orgasmic meditation has gathered a sizable following over the past 15 years. OM practitioners tout great benefits to their happiness, tranquility, and creativity. But scientific research on the practice is still scarce.

One 2021 study out of Thomas Jefferson University seemed promising. In this research, fMRI scans showed the difference in cerebral stimulation among 20 participants during OM practice and while resting. For both the stroker and the partner being stroked, there was increased connectivity in brain areas such as the frontal lobe, amygdala, and prefrontal cortex — areas of the brain responsible for emotion and cognitive functions. “It showed some efficacy in terms of changes in the brain, which could have positive benefits for certain types of psychological conditions,” says Jon Aaron, a New York-based certified mindfulness-based stress reduction teacher, who was not involved in the study.

A 2022 study on 93 orgasmic meditation participants found that OM can also improve participants’ emotional state. Participants’ ratings of happiness increased throughout an OM session and anxiety decreased.

But that evidence in favor of orgasmic meditation is thin, and experts aren’t all on board. Some, such as Aaron, see more traditional forms of meditation as more beneficial than OM. “Mindfulness meditation practices, which have been around for over 2,500 years and in the last 40 years have been scientifically studied, have shown efficacy in dealing with many different emotional and physical challenges,” Aaron says. “Certainly to a far greater extent than OM would seem to offer.”

For example, Aaron notes, studies have proven that simple mindfulness meditation techniques, such as Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, can reduce anxiety, stress, and depression. A review of nine clinical trials in JAMA Psychiatry in 2016 suggests that mindfulness-based cognitive therapy can reduce rates of depression relapse for up to 60 weeks. Another study showed that people who underwent an eight-week mindfulness practice had significantly more flu antibodies than their peers who didn’t. And a 2017 study showed that meditation could help older adults increase attention.

Some experts take a strong stance against orgasmic meditation. “It’s not meditation. It has no roots in classical or modern-day practices like biofeedback or mindfulness,” says Tom Ingegno, DACM, a Baltimore-based acupuncturist with a doctorate in acupuncture and Chinese medicine.

Most importantly, some practitioners have described the world of orgasmic meditation as something of a sex cult. An expose published by Bloomberg journalist Ellen Huet from 2018 detailed stories of “sexual servitude and five-figure debts” related to OneTaste, the main organization promoting orgasmic meditation in the U.S., now rebranded to the Institute of OM.

So, although there aren’t any identified harms of trying out orgasmic meditation with someone you trust, trying it with an organization set up to promote the practice is a different story. “There is a big difference between experimenting with a trusted partner and the setup that OM organizations promote,” says Ingegno. “Unfortunately, women report abuse and rape, which has no place in meditation or spiritual practices.” Several lawsuits are pending for various sexual misconduct issues, he notes, and this has made it increasingly difficult for specialists in the realm of meditation and sex therapy to take orgasmic meditation seriously. The Institute of OM did not provide comment about these allegations.

Hello again, dear friend Anonymous. Welcome back to our sex talk column where readers submit questions, then we do our research and craft a story to answer as many questions as we can. We tapped Holly Richmond, PhD, LMFT, Dame Clinical Board member, for today’s topic of discussion: the elusive blended orgasms. Namely, what are they and how can we have some?

What exactly are the elusive “blended orgasms”?

Blended orgasms are defined as the combination of clitoral and G-spot orgasms. However, focusing solely on these two erogenous zones can feel limiting for some people, so I prefer to offer a more inclusive approach to blended orgasms so everyone can define them for themselves. A blended orgasm includes at least two points of intense pleasure that induce orgasm, unlike most orgasms that originate from the clitoris alone or from another singular source like the G-spot, nipples, anus, etc.

Can everyone achieve them, in theory?

Yes, absolutely, everyone has the capability of achieving a blended orgasm. That said, when pleasure becomes goal-oriented, it can take away from the delicious experience of the moment.I practice from a sex-positive approach, which means, “All sex is good sex as long as it’s consensual and pleasurable.” This frees us up from judgment (or shame) about what turns us on, how we self-pleasure, and how we orgasm.

Are they better than a singular orgasm, or just different?

Blended orgasms are different, not necessarily better. However, many people report their orgasm feeling stronger or more intense when it is blended and coming from two points of pleasure rather than just one.There’s no such thing as a bad orgasm, so however you can get yourself there is great.

How to achieve—or practice achieving—them?

Achieving a blended orgasm starts with relaxation, presence, and curiosity. This is a practice, not a performance or a perfect art form.Start by locating either the clitoris or the G-spot—don’t go for both at the same time. Also, make sure you are aroused and lubricated, or feel free to grab your favorite lube, like Dame’s Aloe Lube.

Clitoral stimulation is highly subjective, so however it feels best for you—or your partner—to touch your clit is exactly correct. This may be intense, direct touch or stimulation with a toy, or you may feel incredibly sensitive so only light touches or indirect stimulation to the clitoris feels best.

From there, you’ll need to find your G-spot, which is located about two to three inches inside and up the anterior wall of the vagina. It will feel like a dime-sized rough spot (like the roof of your mouth). Stimulating the G-spot with your finger or a toy can feel fantastic and cause “squirting,” which is the release of female ejaculate (yes, it does have some traces of uric acid in it, but it’s not just pee!).

Please take time to decide if you like your G-spot stimulated.

Some vulva-havers love it and it’s a huge turn-on, while others say that it just makes them feel like they have to pee and they don’t experience any sexual pleasure from it being stimulated. Again, both of those experiences are perfectly normal and acceptable!Most people will use a finger on their clit and a toy that hits their G-spot, like Dame’s Arc, but using two toys or both hands is absolutely fine too. Apply pressure and speed in a way that works for you, and be patient with yourself. This is a fairly complex sexual move, so it may take some time to figure out what feels best.

I most often encourage people to explore on their own and then invite their partner to help with one or both pleasure points. But if it feels best to have your partner involved from the start, of course, that’s great.

Are there any positions that are best?

1. Cowgirl or reverse cowgirl
2. Standing
3. Closed missionary position
4. From behind (like doggy, but you’ll need your hands)
5. SpooningRemember, if you really want to experience a blended orgasm but the G-spot or clitoris doesn’t do it for you, utilize other parts of your body like your neck, nipples, feet, or anus. Every body is different and responds to pleasure in a variety of ways, so be open to exploration and discovering what works best for you!

Holly Richmond, PhD, LMFT, Dame Clinical Board member, is a licensed marriage and family therapist (LMFT), somatic psychotherapist, and certified sex therapist (CST) offering sex therapy and sexual health coaching nationally and internationally.The content provided in this article is provided for information purposes only and is not a substitute for professional advice and consultation, including professional medical advice and consultation; it is provided with the understanding that Poosh, LLC (“Poosh”) is not engaged in the provision or rendering of medical advice or services. The opinions and content included in the article are the views of the interviewee only, and Poosh does not endorse or recommend any such content or information, or any product or service mentioned in the article. You understand and agree that Poosh shall not be liable for any claim, loss, or damage arising out of the use of, or reliance upon any content or information in the article.