By Elena Sheppard

‘Tis the season to conceive.

According to statistics, the three most common birth dates in America are found in mid-September; specifically the 16, 9 and 17. Now go ahead and subtract nine months from that, and you’ll find yourself smack dab in the middle of winter. What that means when it comes to sex, pregnancy, and gestation periods is that the time between Thanksgiving and New Year’s is the most common time of the year to conceive — statistics find December 17 as the single-most popular conception day in this country, if we’re being exact. December 27 comes in a close second, and nine out of the top 10 most popular conception dates of the year are nestled in the last two weeks of December.

There are a handful of reasons why this is the case: workloads lessen around the holidays, which means people spend more relaxed time at home and together. Sex is also often more enticing in the cold of winter than the heat of summer, and studies even suggest that sperm quality improves in lower temperatures helping to facilitate pregnancy.

Other studies attribute the spike in pregnancies to the festive spirit of the season. As one report from Obstetrics & Gynecology reads: “Increased sexual activity associated with end-of-year holiday festivities has also been postulated.” Or as somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist Dr. Holly Richmond says, this time of year can be sexually energizing. “Novelty is such a big piece of most people’s sexuality,” Dr. Richmond notes. And it goes without saying that the holidays feel different than the rest of the year.

If babies are being conceived in high numbers in December, it should also be noted that fewer babies are born during that time of the year. The least popular birth months are December and January, with some people guessing that parents are inclined to induce labor before the holidays rather than risk going into labor while their doctors themselves are off celebrating.

All that said, don’t feel bad if the holidays have the opposite effect on your sex drive and actually lower your libido. “Everyone is different. For some people, the time off and cold weather can bring you together. But for others, the holidays can be too stressful with travel, family, and guests,” says Andrea Barrica, founder of O.school an online resource for sexuality and dating.

Dr. Richmond agrees saying that while this time of year might enhance some people’s sex lives, for others, the opposite occurs. “Normal anxiety that people might be struggling with can be amped up during the holidays,” she says. Adding that many find themselves dealing with a sense of “dread” over the holidays that is not conducive to sex.

However the holidays make you feel, there is evidence in the numbers: it’s the season of baby-making. And in December, love is certainly in the air.

By Sara Lindberg

“Man, I can’t keep up with my wife’s sex drive, I feel like a piece of meat,” a patient of couples therapist Dr. Wyatt Fisher once told him. The man, whose wife was pregnant at the time, had inadvertently made him feel “like she usually feels,” the husband said — chiefly, objectified, used to satisfy a need. And this man wasn’t alone. Couples often find their sex drives are inverted during pregnancy, or at least disrupted.

Fisher has seen a lot of couples over the years and tells Romper there is a variety of reasons why men may not be interested in sex as much as their pregnant partner. “For some men, their drive hasn’t changed but their wife’s is now higher than theirs and they may not be as sexually attracted towards their wife’s pregnant body,” says Fisher.

We all know the main reason women’s sexual urges can go up and down during pregnancy: hormones. As Healthline explained in a look at sex drives during pregnancy, increased blood flow during pregnancy means “easier arousal and increased sensitivity.” Early in pregnancy, however, hormone levels can sap your energy for a romp. But your partner’s not pregnant, so why is he pulling the “I’m too tired” line? Well, unfortunately, there is no standard answer about pregnancy and sex. Some people want it — they even crave it, while others, just want to be left alone (and this includes both men and women).

Many women report having “wet dreams” during pregnancy (spontaneous orgasm from erotic dream fantasy), when they’ve never had them before

Pregnancy can function as a sexual awakening of sorts for some women. The surge in estrogen and progesterone can affect their sexual appetite. Psychologist Dr. Holly Richmond tells me that many women report having “wet dreams” during pregnancy (spontaneous orgasm from erotic dream fantasy), when they’ve never had them before. She also hears about women masturbating and initiating sex more frequently with their partners.

So, obviously, it could be that a man’s sex drive hasn’t necessarily changed, but their pregnant partner’s sex drive has gone through the roof. This rang true for Fisher’s patient, who felt used. Fisher warns that can make them feel distant with their wife or partner, and may even lead to avoiding intimate moments so it doesn’t lead to sex.

Some men just aren’t into pregnancy sex. Yes, there are some who are turned on by a pregnant body, but there are others who may not be as sexually attracted to their partner’s changing body. This creates a problem for women who experience a boost in their body confidence, which consequently, ignites sexual desire.

Kelley Kitley, 39, Chicago, says she experienced a huge increase in her sex drive, especially in the second trimester. Even though her drive was higher than normal, she says her libido was typically matched by her partner’s drive. (Funny, that!)

Richmond tells me that about half of her clients who are pregnant report never feeling better about their body — they love their expanding breasts and hips, and relish how womanly and alive they feel. So, when she approaches her partner for a little action, and is met with a lackluster response, it makes sense that problems may arise.

Lauren Cecora, 29, or Northern California tells Romper that when she was pregnant she didn’t take “no” for an answer. “It was a little difficult the more pregnant I got to find comfortable positions, but when I was in the mood, it happened. My husband just went with it,” she says.

Fisher says he sees a lot of men who have anxiety around harming the baby during intercourse. He gives the example of a male client who was anxious about having sex with his wife because he was afraid he’d give his kid brain damage. Being worried about harming the baby’s head is quite common. But no matter how endowed a man is, he is not going to hurt the baby. The chances of a penis ramming the top of a baby’s head during intercourse is next to none.

For first-time dad James N., “trying to get the baby out at the very and was slightly awkward or intimidating,” and yes, he worried about jabbing the baby, but at the end of the day, he says, “who is complaining about sex?”

If you’re experiencing a dry spell because your partner isn’t into pregnancy sex, Richmond says the first question to ask a man is, “What is it that’s making them feel uncomfortable?”

If your partner is avoiding sex for fear of hurting the baby, here’s what he needs to know: “The cervix protects the baby and there’s no way a penis can penetrate it,” says Richmond. In the case of men being worried that lying on top of their partner will somehow hurt the baby, Richmond says she agrees with this one, but there is an easy fix: just change positions. She recommends trying one of the other million-ish other sex positions, such as doggy style, girl-on-top, and side-lying.

Many couples wonder what they can do to keep their sex life on track. The solution here, not surprisingly, is to talk to each other about how you feel, and about your desires and needs.

If you’re experiencing a dry spell because your partner isn’t into pregnancy sex, Richmond says the first question to ask a man is, “What is it that’s making them feel uncomfortable?” Is it the fear of accidentally hurting the baby or their partner, or is it something bigger like fear of becoming a father and all the responsibility that entails? She also says that some men just aren’t sexually attracted to pregnant women (and some are hugely attracted to them!).

“It’s really important for a man to know what his stumbling block is,” she says. And once he knows what that is, it may be a good idea for him to communicate this to his partner. “She will absolutely be wondering why he’s distant and why their relationship is lacking its usual intimacy, so it’s usually best to get them on the same page and prevent further misunderstanding.”

Certified sex therapist, Dr. Rosara Torrisi, who works with many pregnant couples, tells Romper the overall concern for most people is the fear that they are not connecting with their partner in a way that is important to them. She explains that this lack of connection brings fears of abandonment or inadequacy that can quickly become toxic in a relationship.

Torrisi says that’s why talking with an expert if your partner is having difficulty regarding you as a sexual person now that you’re pregnant, can be helpful. She also suggests that men focus on what their partner’s changing body tastes like, smells, looks, sounds, and feels like. “Change it up by trying new positions, lotions, and locations,” she suggests.

But, what about tips for women who want their needs met?

Well, the rules of intimacy and eroticism are the same. Richmond believes that if a woman wants to experience her pleasure potential, she needs to communicate what turns her on and show her partner how to help her experience the best sensations possible.

“During pregnancy, sometimes a woman will need more direct pressure in certain spots, like her clitoris, and less in others like her nipples,” explains Richmond. Every woman is an individual of course — and a pregnant individual — so the best thing she can do is to communicate her needs in a direct yet heartfelt and sensitive way. That might sound like, “I love it when you grab my breasts, but it’s too much when you touch my nipples right now. Can we switch that up?”

Torrisi suggests using oral and manual (hands-on) sex, which are both wonderful components of a couple’s sex life throughout their years together. And, of course, they can seek out the help of a couple’s therapist or sex therapist if the subject of intimacy and sex feels too difficult for them to tackle on their own.

Richmond also recommends couples plan a time for uninterrupted connection and communication. “I always suggest partners sit facing each other so they can make eye contact, which encourages empathy and understanding. From here, they need to be curious rather than judgmental about their partner’s feelings, as well as stay true to their own needs and wants.”

By Isadora Baum

There’s no reason to not have sex when you’re pregnant. These pregnancy-safe sex positions will maximize your enjoyment.

Whether you have safety concerns or confidence issues surrounding your changing body, don’t let pregnancy stop you from finding pleasure and connecting with your partner in the bedroom. While you should always get the green light from your doctor first, when you’re ready, there are a few things that make pregnancy sex unique that you should consider. For starters, there are few positions during pregnancy that might be better than others in term of both satisfaction and safety, for both you and your partner.

What to avoid? “In general there are only two types of positions that are off the table while pregnant—anything where you are lying on your belly or your partner is lying on your belly. So, no missionary and no facedown,” says Holly Richmond, Ph.D., a somatic psychologist, licensed marriage and family therapist, and AASECT certified sex therapist. “My rule of thumb is, if it doesn’t feel good or is making you the least bit nervous, don’t do it,” says Richmond.

Also, most pregnant women report increased nipple and breast sensitivity. That could mean even better tingles in those areas or, conversely, too much tenderness and sensitivity. For the latter, “tell your partner to lighten their touch or avoid your nipples altogether,” says Richmond.

Bottom line: “There are plenty of safe, feel-good positions, and pregnancy is an ideal time to expand your horizons,” she says. Here are eight pregnancy sex positions you’ll want to try, risk-free. (Plus, here’s how to have better sex after childbirth, too.)

Woman On Top

Woman on Top

The woman straddles her partner, who is lying on his back. “Since you’re not lying on your abdomen, you can control the depth of penetration, which is why this position can be particularly comfortable—especially later in pregnancy,” says “Dr. Nita” Landry, M.D., FACOG, an ob-gyn and cohost on The Doctors. (Related: How to Get More Pleasure Out of Common Sex Positions)

What’s more, this sex position is great for women who are feeling sexy AF while pregnant. “Every woman has a different level of comfort with this position, but if you love your pregnant body, this is the position for you,” says Richmond. “He’ll get a perfect view of your ample breasts, full hips, and round belly. This can be so empowering during pregnancy, and of course, in this position, you completely control the speed, depth, and pattern of thrusts.”

 

Reverse Cowgirl

Reverse Cowgirl

This is like “woman on top,” but this time the woman has spun around, which can result in more clitoral stimulation, says Dr. Nita. “If needed, you can also use a vibrator for clitoral stimulation with some of the positions,” she says. And, like other woman-on-top positions, Reverse Cowgirl gives the woman full control of her body, so she can quickly notice if anything feels off. “You’re on top but facing backward, and can do whatever feels best with your hands, whether that’s clitoral stimulation or supporting your belly or breasts. Your partner will still get a great view of your hips and butt, but you’ll be entirely in control,” says Richmond.

 

Seated On the Edge of a Bed or Chair

Seated On the Edge of a Bed or Chair

Here’s how it works: You’re seated on the edge of the bed or in a sturdy chair and your partner is standing or kneeling in front of you (whichever is appropriate for the height of the bed or chair), explains Dr. Nita. This sex position during pregnancy is totally safe (and pleasurable) for mom. “The woman is not lying on her abdomen and her partner is doing a lot of the work,” she says.

 

Spooning

Spooning

Not only does this position win in the romance department, but it’s also a great option for pregnant women. The woman lies on her side with her partner lying behind her. “This position takes pressure off of her uterus and back,” says Dr. Nita. Also, penetration usually isn’t as deep in the spooning position, so it can be particularly beneficial if a woman finds deep penetration uncomfortable during pregnancy, she says.

“This is ideal because there is no pressure on the belly, and it is supported on one side by the bed, so in the third trimester this sex position during pregnancy is a go-to for sure,” says Richmond. To make this sex position as pleasurable as possible, she suggests clitoral stimulation. “Either you can do it yourself or ask your partner to do it, which he’ll most likely find incredibly sexy.”

 

Kneeling

Kneeling

This sex position is great for pregnant women, as there’s no pressure on you; the man is doing most of the movements. “The man kneels on the bed and the woman sits back in his lap, like a kneeling reverse cowgirl—there’s no pressure on your belly or back,” says Dr. Nita. “This is great for penetrative sex or oral sex,” says Richmond. This position can easily morph into doggy style by placing all fours on the bed, a great sex position during pregnancy. “Your partner can continue standing, or kneel on the bed. Again, this is a great opportunity for you to speak up and tell your partner what you like as far as depth and speed are concerned, and if you prefer clitoral stimulation,” adds Richmond. Just make sure not collapse your knees to lie flat on your belly, which is an unsafe sex position during pregnancy.

 

Doggy Style

Doggy Style

The woman is on her hands and knees, and her partner enters from behind, which offers shallower penetration with no harm to the belly, says Dr. Nita. This sex position is a great way to control speed and depth if you’re timid about sex during your pregnancy. “If being on all fours is placing too much weight on your shoulders, arms, and wrists (which some women report), I recommend the ‘puppy’ pose,” says Richmond. “Place your forearms on the bed or floor with your palms facing down, and have your partner kneel and enter you from behind. All of the work will be on his end, and you should feel like you’re in a comfortable and supported position.”

 

Scissors

Lie at opposite ends of the bed with legs scissored together. Why is this a great sex position during pregnancy? From here, sex can be slower and gentler, says Dr. Nita. Besides, it also offers a great view and is a steamier sex position that works wonders if you’re are trying to find ways to keep your sex drive up during pregnancy and connect with your partner in a sexier setting.

 

Standing & Leaning On the Bed

Standing & Leaning On the Bed

“Another favorite position during pregnancy is standing while leaning forward with your hands on the side of the bed, back of the couch, countertop, or dresser,” says Richmond. Again, this keeps all pressure off the belly and creates a great opportunity for you to communicate with your partner about speed and depth of penetration. “Let him worry about standing on something or doing squats to find the ideal angle,” she says. Bonus: “This is another position where reaching your clitoris is easy.”