– Blake Bakkila

A lot of “I love you’s” were exchanged on last night’s episode of The Bachelor. But was there a lot of love? This week featured the highly anticipated Fantasy Suites, where Arie Luyendyk Jr. took the three remaining contestants on overnight dates for more “alone time.” If you haven’t seen the episode yet, take this as a formal warning that there are spoilers ahead.

By his third date, Luyendyk had broken the No. 1 rule: He told two women he was in love with them. Not crushing, not falling (though that is what he told Kendall Long), but in love. Long was sent home, and now Becca Kufrin and Lauren Burnham are the final two. They both think they’ve found the love of their lives. Needless to say, Bachelor Nation was reeling.

But what’s Arie thinking? We needed to know how (and if) it’s possible for a person to fall in love with two (or three) women at the same time. Thankfully, two relationship experts provided insight.

“Technically, yes, you can fall in love with more than one person,” Marissa Nelson, a marriage and family therapist, tells Health. “But to be in love with multiple people simultaneously—that’s a different story.”

Nelson says Luyendyk is in what she calls the “infatuation” stage of romance, when everything is new and exciting (a word this bachelor can’t seem to get enough of). “At the start of the infatuation phase, it is a chemically driven connection,” she says. “The brain is producing large amounts of hormones, like pleasure-inducing dopamine and testosterone.”

Sex therapist Holly Richmond, PhD, shares similar sentiments. “Polyamory is based romantically and erotically on loving more than one person at a time, and it’s absolutely possible,” Richmond says. “I’d say that Arie is experiencing either deep affection or lust for the three women, or both of those feelings simultaneously. It’s amazing how lust can be interpreted as love.”

By the three-month mark, Nelson says couples transition to the “attachment” phase, and they start feeling a sense of companionship that goes beyond physical attraction. Nelson says this is when couples begin to fall in love and exchange sincere “I love you’s.” That’s vastly different than the nine weeks it took Arie to say them.

“For most people, love is more about a deep knowing, feeling safe and understood, and having secure attachment,” Richmond says. “There is no way Arie has created secure attachment with any of the women at this point—he just hasn’t had enough time! I admire his enthusiasm, though.”

As we prepare for the two-night finale next week, we can only guess which woman Luyendyk gets down on one knee for—and if they can move into a loving (and enduring) attachment phase.

By Jacqueline Andriakos

During last night’s episode of ABC’s The Bachelor, Bekah Martinez (you know her as the coquettish, pixie cut–rocking “Bekah M.”) finally revealed her age to this season’s star, Arie Luyendyk Jr. The revelation? Martinez is 22, making her 14 years younger than the 36-year-old race-car driver.

But while fans may have been squirming on their couches, Luyendyk Jr. didn’t appear to stay in shock for too long, and he decided to “proceed with caution” and see where the relationship goes. But their budding romance begs the question: Is a relationship with a sizeable age gap doomed to fail?

As you might expect, the answer isn’t black and white. “It really comes down to whether your lifestyles, goals, and maturity levels sync up,” says Holly Richmond, PhD, a Los Angeles–based sex and relationship therapist. “And the bigger the age gap, the more challenging this can be, though not all couples are the same.”

Several studies have looked at the correlation between age differences in a relationship and marital success and point to the same very-general conclusion: The bigger the age gap, the more likely a marriage will eventually erode. That being said, there is no hard-and-fast rule to determine what size age gap is your safest bet for marital bliss.

“From my experience, an age gap of seven years and under is usually pretty inconsequential,” says Richmond. “When you get to an age gap of a decade or more, then it’s time to ask some questions to help you and your partner determine whether this is going to work as a long-term thing.”

Luyendyk Jr. has already begun asking some of the necessary questions to determine his long-term compatibility with Martinez. During Monday’s episode, he described himself as someone who likes to get up early and live a quieter, more mellow lifestyle. He asked Martinez if it’s still important to her to go out and party with friends.

Martinez, too, tiptoed around the subject of their compatibility, admitting to Luyendyk Jr. that she has already wondered whether he will get along with her close pals. If the two continue to work on their relationship, it will be essential to figure out whether each person feels the other can mesh with their lifestyle, as well as their family and social circle.

“With some couples where there is a large age difference, energy levels may differ,” says Rachel Needle, a psychologist at the Center for Marital and Sexual Health of South Florida in West Palm Beach. “It can create a challenge when one partner cannot keep up with the other who wants to do and experience more.” Also, if you cannot see your partner interacting with your family and the people closest to you, it might be a red flag, she adds.

Other questions that need to be covered when one person is in her 20s and the other is in his 30s: Do you want to get married? Do you want to have children, and if so, how soon? “Many men absolutely have an emotional clock,” Richmond notes. “I can’t even tell you how many of my male clients in couples have said things like, ‘I really want to be married and have a child before I am 40.'”

A relationship with a large age difference can also evolve over time—potentially prompting new challenges when you hit different life stages. In other words, “dating a 54-year-old when you’re 40 is different than dating a 36-year-old when you’re 22,” Richmond says.

By Nick Northstar

By Sophie Saint Thomas

Period sex is like pizza: If you want it, you deserve it. You’re a human being whose sexual needs don’t switch off when blood starts coming out of you. (If sex during your period really isn’t your thing, though, that’s cool too — more on that ahead.) We rounded up seven things you should know about period sex, including insight from experts, to help you make that time of the month even more enjoyable. Read on, bleed on, and get off to your heart’s content.

1| Think of period fluids as extra lube.

Lube makes sex better, end of story. Buying lube simply means you’re an adult who understands sex feels better slippery. However, along with usual vaginal wetness, your period fluids can act as an added bonus. “It’s extra lubrication, which can be a fantastic experience,” says sex therapist Holly Richmond. It’s not gross; it’s natural. Menstrual “blood” is more than just blood — it’s thickened endometrial cells married with blood from uterine arteries. It’s actually a pretty great consistency for sex.

2| Get it on when you’re horny.

Some tend to find their libidos are highest at around the time they ovulate, while some say they notice heightened arousal during their periods (or right before). If you fall into the “gotta have it” camp while menstruating, rad, get it on. Concerned your partner won’t be into it? Ask them. But take it from someone who has had plenty of sex with people of all genders: People are generally pretty excited about an opportunity to get laid, period or no period.

In fact, your period could very well turn them on. There’s something primal about the blood: Things are messy to start with, which can allow all parties to tap into their animalistic nature. To avoid mess, you can simply put a towel underneath you and your partner. If you want to get a little fancy, you can even invest in a luxe “sex blanket” designed to absorb liquids — Liberator makes a great one. Shower sex is another good option for cleaning up while you get it on.

The same rules apply to period sex as they do for any sex. Not into it? Don’t do it. Research suggests that people who menstruate are may be horniest during ovulation, which takes place right in the middle of your cycle, rather than at the end of the cycle when you get your period. If you feel cranky and bloated during your period, how about requesting a massage from your partner as a way to enjoy intimate touch without straight-up sex? You can also turn to the pros to alleviate symptoms: Some spas, such as Greenpoint Massage in Brooklyn, even offer special massages designed to ease period pains. What’s more, sometimes waiting to have sex makes it so much better when you do. “If you don’t like period sex, the sexual build-up for when you’re done is fantastic,” Richmond says.

4| Don’t forsake birth control.

While it’s less likely, you can still get pregnant during this time. So don’t forget about contraception during period sex. Likelihood of pregnancy depends on the length of your menstrual cycle. Sperm can live inside of you for up to five days. If you have a shorter cycle, that means those suckers could still be around come ovulation — specifically, if you have sex at the end of your bleeding and then ovulate early. “Also, what people think is a period is [often] not,” says gynecologist Jessica Shepherd. Sometimes what you may think is a period is actually mid-cycle spotting. What’s more, it’s just as important to protect against STIs during your period as at any other time of the month with a method such as condoms.

5| Don’t be afraid of oral.

If your partner has a penis, I hope to goddess they aren’t using your period as an excuse to get a week of blowjobs while disregarding your pleasure. If you’re into it, and so is your partner, there’s no reason you can’t get eaten out while menstruating. In fact, some people are really turned on by going down on someone on their period, Richmond says. If your partner focuses their tongue on the clit, you can also receive oral while they avoid the blood. You can keep your tampon or menstrual cup in if you like. The Flex menstrual cup was even designed with mess-free period sex in mind.

6| Practice safe sex.

It bears repeating that you should practice the same safer sex practices while on your period as you would any time of the month. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, have both been tested, and don’t use condoms, there’s no reason to pull out the rubbers unless your partner doesn’t want blood on their penis. If you don’t know each other’s STI status, please stick with condoms, especially since Shepherd says that some research shows period sex may have a higher STI transmission rate.

7| Enjoy the pain-relieving power of orgasms.

Yes, period cramps are very real and can be mega painful. Thankfully, one pain-killing activity doesn’t have to cost a thing: having an orgasm. “Dopamine that is released during an orgasm kills pain and can help with that heavy feeling a lot of people report” during their periods, Richmond says. Want an orgasm, but don’t feel like dealing with another human? That’s what masturbation and vibrators are for. While no one should ever shame you for wanting to have sex that time of the month, you know for certain that a vibrator never will.

By Ian Kerner

Americans have a love-hate relationship with Valentine’s Day.

Some of us look forward to February 14 as an opportunity to enjoy our partner’s company (and possibly spice things up in the bedroom). Others dread what they consider a commercialized holiday that can put unrealistic pressure on their relationships.

It’s clear that the bar is high: According to one online survey of more than 2,000 respondents, more than 65% plan to show affection on Valentine’s Day, almost 85% believe that having sex is an important part of the holiday, and more than 60% say they will be disappointed if they don’t have sex that day.

With expectations like these, it’s easy to set ourselves up for disappointment. Fortunately, it’s possible to enjoy the day — and night — without creating hurt feelings or breaking the bank.

“Valentine’s Day can serve as a reminder that it’s so important to stop and appreciate the closest relationships in your life,” couples expert and sex therapist Ashley Grinonneau-Denton said. “To me, the holiday has always been a great reminder of the importance of love, attachment, affection and closeness.
“The caveat is, however, that if this special day stands in isolation, it will quickly become a distant memory and will do very little for a couples’ relationship long-term.”

Here’s how to make the most of February 14, whether you’re coupled or single.

Make a plan

It may not seem so, but having a conversation about Valentine’s Day ahead of time can make the actual day much more romantic.

Your new year’s sex resolution: Be less spontaneous

“Talk with your partner about what you’d like out of the holiday and whether you feel Valentine’s Day is important to you,” sex therapist Sari Cooper said. “By beginning the conversation a week or so beforehand, you can co-create a celebration (or not) that is a collaborative event, making compromises for both partners’ desires and creating a realistic plan to ensure both of you feel heard emotionally.”

And remember that the element of surprise isn’t the most important part of the day. “Don’t set your partner up to fail, and don’t keep desires and expectations to yourself,” advised Rachel Needle, a psychotherapist and sex therapist. “Telling your partner ‘I would love to go to Pier 115 for dinner,’ for example, or ‘I would love sunflowers’ doesn’t make them bringing you flowers or taking you to the restaurant any less special.”

Pay attention

Surprise can be a good thing. A little insight into your partner can go a long way by showing them you’ve listened to them. “Consider doing something your partner has told you in the past they wanted to do: a picnic, a walk on the beach, a certain new restaurant,” Needle said. “It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money to be special, but rather it needs to be thoughtful.”

Spice things up

According to that online survey, 55% of the participants indicated that they were willing to try something new sexually on Valentine’s Day. Of course, what that means for you and your partner depends on your particular relationship. “One way to increase intimacy on this holiday is to take a different stance on things and make it all about fun,” sex therapist Francie Stone said.

Are you ‘normal’ in bed?

“You could put together a goodie basket of things like massage oil, a feather, a sexy dice game, a blindfold and more. You can try them all or only the ones you really like, or just use the fun to get started and leave the rest to your individual imaginations.” This helps make the night playful without necessarily the pressure of intercourse.

If you plan on having sex, try doing so before you go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, sex therapist Tammy Nelson said. “Lots of couples go out to dinner or cook a rich meal at home and drink wine or cocktails to celebrate February 14,” she explained. “After a full meal and drinks, it is less likely that any sex — much less hot sex — will follow.”

Or consider taking sex off the table altogether. “There are so many nerve endings in the lips that are connected to the limbic system and can help create the perfect foreplay for future intimacy encounters,” sexual health counselor Aleece Fosnight said. “A good makeout session that only leads to kissing can leave partners wanting more, creating more intensity for future intimate activities.”

Love yourself

If you’re single, Valentine’s Day can seem like a holiday for everyone else. But you don’t have to feel left out if you’re not in a romantic relationship. Instead, take the opportunity to practice a little self-love.

That could mean indulging in a massage or a new sex toy, dining out with friends or even seeking out companionship. “If you’re single and wouldn’t mind meeting someone but setting up a date on Valentine’s Day feels too staged, Meetup is a fantastic option,” sex therapist Holly Richmond said. “Hundreds of Meetup groups plan special events and activities for Valentine’s Day, but they aren’t necessity geared toward singles coming together to meet other singles.”

Whether you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day or ignore it, remember that expressing love and affection for your partner shouldn’t be limited to one special day. Take the pressure off the holiday by celebrating your relationship every day.

By R. Morgan Griffin

If you have erectile dysfunction (ED), it’s important to get past your awkward feelings and talk things over with your partner. ED is a problem with many solutions — and it starts with the two of you. Look for a way to move beyond the stress and work together.

“If you’re in a relationship, erectile dysfunction isn’t just happening to the man — it’s happening to the couple,” says Barry McCarthy PhD, author of Coping with Erectile Dysfunction and professor of psychology at American University. If both partners face it together, they can prevent ED from pushing them apart.

When you and your partner talk about the situation, you’ll both want to keep in mind some key things about ED:

Don’t blame yourself. “Men with ED need to know that this isn’t their fault, and their partners need to know the same thing,” says Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist in Portland, OR, and Los Angeles. It’s not because of something that either of you did or didn’t do. There’s no one to blame and no need to apologize.

ED doesn’t happen because he’s not turned on enough. Partners need to know that they won’t be able to “cure” ED if they just try harder in the bedroom. In general, adding some sparkle to your sex life is fine, but sex toys and a spending spree at Victoria’s Secret will not solve ED.

It’s common. One major study estimates that about half of all men have some degree of erectile dysfunction. And it gets more common as you get older.

It’s treatable. “ED is not a crisis, it’s a speed bump,” says Roger Libby, PhD, a psychologist and sex therapist in Seattle. “You can solve it.”

Talk to each other. Think about what you want to say and then choose a good moment — over a glass of wine or on a walk. Talk about how you feel and be ready to listen. Focus on how you want to approach the problem together.

One pro tip from McCarthy: “The worst time to talk about ED is nude in bed,” especially after an attempt at sex that didn’t work out. Get some clothes on first.

See a doctor. ED is often related to health issues or medications you take. So any man with ED needs to make an appointment with a doctor. He may suggest a medication change or treatment with ED pills.

Your doctor may also recommend that you drink less alcohol, drop pounds if you’re overweight, and get regular exercise.

Many experts recommend that partners go to the appointment, too. It will get the doctor’s attention, and it will help make sure the man will actually bring up the subject.

See a sex therapist. The name “sex therapist” may sound intimidating. But Richmond reassures her wary clients. “We won’t touch you!” she says. “We’re just normal mental health practitioners with some extra training in human sexuality.”
She usually works with couples for 4 to 5 months, meeting once a week, where she guides them through a program.

“Once a couple is over the hump, they’re off,” she says. “One success leads to the next.”

Lower the stakes. Both Richmond and McCarthy recommend that couples not even try to have intercourse for a while. Once it’s off the menu, there’s much less pressure to perform — and that makes it easier to have fun and enjoy each other.

For now, focus on other stuff in bed, like massage, Richmond says. Ramp it up gradually. After a few weeks or a month, start to use your hands or mouth. Once you’ve broken the cycle, you’ll be ready to try intercourse again.

Try to relax. ED can feel like such a big deal sometimes, like it’s the beginning of the end of your sex life. It’s not. “Don’t go to the worst-case scenario,” Richmond says. “I reassure clients that there’s usually another erection just around the corner.”

And while sex really is important to the health of your relationship, it doesn’t need to be so heavy or intense. Sex is fun, remember?

Use this as a time to reconnect, to recall why you fell for each other. Remember that you’re a couple, not just roommates or parents. You could come out of this with a more satisfying, flexible, and enjoyable sex life than you had before.

“Guys, I’m not doing OK,” Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein said Wednesday in a video licensed to NBC News. “I’m trying. I’ve got to get help.”

While there’s no official confirmation of where Weinstein is headed or what type of therapy he may be getting, experts contacted by NBC News said that whatever he may have done, he’s not a sex addict. And most say there’s no such thing as sex addiction.

Psychiatrists debated whether to include sex addiction as a diagnosis in the latest edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), and opted not to.

“I am not sure when being a selfish, misogynistic jerk became a medical disorder,” said David J. Ley, a clinical psychologist in Albuquerque, New Mexico, and the author of “The Myth of Sex Addiction.”

“This is a concept that has been used to explain selfish, powerful, wealthy men engaging in irresponsible impulsive sexual behavior for a long time,” Ley said.

On Thursday, Weinstein’s younger brother, Bob Weinstein, called Harvey “a world class liar” who has not yet actually sought therapy.

“My brother Harvey is obviously a very sick man,” Bob Weinstein said in a statement to NBC News. “I’ve urged him to seek immediate professional help because he is in dire need of it. His remorse and apologies to the victims of his abuse are hollow.”

Several actors, including Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow, as well as journalists, models and other women involved in the film industry have accused Weinstein of making unwanted sexual advances and some even have alleged rape. Weinstein was fired from the Weinstein Company, the independent film studio he founded with his brother, and his wife, Georgina Chapman, said she had left him.

“I support her decision,” Weinstein said in a statement. “I am in counseling and when I am better, we can rebuild.”

Weinstein’s spokesperson said he had begun counseling — without saying where or what kind — and “has listened to the community and is pursuing a better path.”

“Mr. Weinstein is hoping that, if he makes enough progress, he will be given a second chance.”

Holly Richmond, a psychologist and licensed family therapist in Los Angeles, said that while therapy of some kind is called for — “I support him getting help,” she said — sex addiction therapy would not be a legitimate route.

“Saying it is sex addiction is a misnomer,” Richmond said. “There is no such thing as sex addiction.”

Therapists are divided on whether famous men caught in sexual scandals have treatable conditions or if they even deserve sympathy.

Ley says no to both.

“We see this parade of men getting caught engaging in this type of hypocrisy,” he said. “Then they claim their behavior is the result of this alleged disorder when we all know these were men who were abusing their power and privilege.”

And Ley doubts treatment centers offer anything useful to such men.

“After 40 years of sex addiction treatment, there is still no published evidence that this treatment works,” he said. “This is an exploitive industry that loves to capitalize on these celebrity sex addiction scandals so they can get referrals.”

Dr. Dawn Michael, a sex therapist in Thousand Oaks, California, agrees that many men abuse their power and that it has little to do with sex.

“The problem that I see with the label of sex addiction is that it is taking away the responsibility for the person and putting it into the idea that it a disorder and that he didn’t have control over it,” Michael said.

“If he goes to a clinic, he is basically giving up responsibility for his bad behavior,” she added.

“To me, this man had power. He had money. He had clout. He got off on the idea that he could get these women to do what he wanted, more so than the sex itself. I think he got excited at the fact that they said no, that they resisted.”

Michael Bader, a psychologist and psychoanalyst in San Francisco who has written on the issue, is a little more sympathetic.

“Someone like Weinstein who uses his social/economic power to get women to have some sort of sex with him — the sexual experience might function as a reassurance to him that he is desirable, worthwhile, masculine, etc,” Bader said via email.

“It might offer an antidote to private feelings of loneliness or disconnectedness. It might even — wait for it — reassure him that he can make a woman happy. A man might hire a prostitute, for example, and know on one level that she is faking arousal for the money, but on the other level, the level that counts, he lets himself believe that she loves it. Who is to say that Weinstein wasn’t in this same position?”

Some experts argue that sex addiction is real, but say that, based on media reports, that doesn’t appear to be what was going on with Weinstein. John Giugliano, a psychologist in Bellmore, New York, and a spokesman for the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health, prefers the term “out-of-control sexuality.”

“Not all sex addicts are sex offenders,” Giugliano said. “But he could just simply be a sex offender. Both are legitimate and real disorders that many people suffer with. Sex addiction is very different and it is driven by different motives usually, which are complicated. It’s not about morals.”

Richmond, who also works with sexual abuse victims, says there is a second group who could benefit from therapy and from simply making their experiences public, and those are the women who have accused Weinstein.

“I am really happy this is seeing the light of day,” she said. “Most of the time when survivors can find their voices, it is helpful to them in the healing process.”

Richmond added, “Especially in an industry like the entertainment industry, when your job is on the line, it’s scary for these women to come out.”

By Maggie Fox

Fallen Hollywood mogul Harvey Weinstein has reportedly checked in to a US rehabilitation center that treats male sex addicts, but experts say such therapy is unlikely to help.

English comic actor Russell Brand, golfer Tiger Woods, rocker Ozzy Osbourne and actor Michael Douglas are among the high-powered celebrities who have proclaimed they were battling sex addiction — after their philandering was revealed.

While psychologists typically refrain from diagnosing someone from afar, some say Weinstein — who is accused of sexually assaulting a string of actresses over the years — fits the profile of a sexual predator, not an addict.

‘I think you can control your impulses. He just decided not to do so,’ said Holly Richmond, a certified sex therapist in Los Angeles.

Therapists are also divided on whether sex addiction even exists.

The leading psychiatry reference, known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition, updated in 2013, does not include sex addiction. Its authors decided it did not fit the definition of a psychological disorder.

According to Richmond, there is no such thing as a sex addict.

‘What you should say is someone who has compulsive sexuality, or out of control sexual behavior,’ she said.

‘It is a behavioral issue. Sex is not the problem.’

The entertainment site TMZ has reported that Weinstein intended to fly to Switzerland for rehab, but decided to check in at The Meadows in Arizona instead.

The facility is home to what it calls the ‘nation’s premier inpatient treatment for sex addiction,’ a 45-day program titled ‘The Gentle Path,’ that was attended by Tiger Woods after his cheating scandal.

It features group talk sessions, interactions with horses — coined ‘equine assisted psychotherapy’ — yoga, art, meditation and one-on-one counseling.

A number of celebrities have sought treatment for drugs, alcohol and other problems at The Meadows, and many have been helped there.

But when it comes to treating sex addiction — and such programs are offered at hundreds of clinics across the United States, costing between $10,000 and $30,000 — some experts are dubious.

‘There is no evidence that sex addiction treatment actually works,’ said David Ley, a psychologist in New Mexico and author of the book ‘The Myth of Sex Addiction.’

‘After 40 years, there is not a single published study that shows that sex addiction treatment has a positive effect or actually help people change their sexual behavior,’ he told AFP.

Ley says sex addiction is often just an excuse for avoiding personal responsibility.

‘Sex addiction is a concept that has been used to explain selfish, powerful, wealthy men engaging in irresponsible sexual behavior for a long time.’

He pointed to a study done in Europe recently that looked at people in a sex addiction treatment program and ‘showed that 90 percent of them have another major mental health condition,’ and that sexual behaviors were merely symptoms.

Another aspect is cultural, part of living in a nation that elected Donald Trump president, even after he was heard on tape bragging about how he grabbed women by the genitals.

‘These problems are occurring in a society that tolerates, allows and even may encourage powerful, wealthy men to do things that they can get away with,’ he said.

‘Weinstein is engaged in these behaviors in a sexual way but I guarantee you that there are other aspects of his life where he is engaged in a deceptive, offensive, rude, domineering kind of behavior,’ he added.

‘Again, the sex is just the tip, of the iceberg.’

For counselors who treat patients with sexual problems, Weinstein’s pattern presents a deeper puzzle.

‘Without seeing him I would never diagnose someone. But he definitely has traits of the compulsion, you know, sexually acting out,’ said Charlene Lewis, a certified sex addiction therapist in Miami.

‘Part of addiction is denial. I think he is in a lot of denial about the damage he has done to these women.’

Four women have accused the 65-year-old producer of raping them, and more than two dozen actresses, including Angelina Jolie and Gwyneth Paltrow, say he sexually harassed them.

Lewis said any patient who wants to heal must really have the desire to change, recognize the harm their behavior has caused, and be willing to probe the root of the problem.

‘It goes back to what are the core issues? What are you medicating? What are you overcompensating for?

‘Especially someone with that much power and that much prestige, what is really going on inside him?’

She said successful sex therapy can take one to five years.

 ‘There has to be a willingness to persevere through the process. It is not a quick fix.’

By AFP

Growing up in the Finger Lakes region near Rochester, Dr. Richmond has become one of the top Somatic Psychologists and Marriage & Sex Therapists in the country, who now works with some of the biggest celebrities and notable figures. Additionally, she is a published author and has actually been the leading voice/expert on how new types of technology (such as virtual reality adult entertainment) is a positive key factor for relationships and one’s personal health.

The Levity Ball sat down with Dr. Richmond to learn more about her career, experiences in New York and about the burning question we all have: What’s Next For Sex?!

1. You are a Somatic Psychologist and a Certified Sex Therapist… for those who do not know, what exactly is a somatic psychologist?

How I explain it is that I pay as much attention to the body as I do the mind. So, while I’m focused on what my patients are telling me, I’m also noticing their body language, and aspects of rigidity or laxity. One of my favorite questions to ask is, “What is your body saying that you cannot?” I’ll do a thorough assessment of chronic pain issues, injuries, surgeries, nervous system concerns, and especially anything that is getting in the way of pleasure in everyday life and with their individual and relational intimacy/eroticism.

2. You grew up in Finger Lakes near Rochester… did you always know you wanted to work with people and become a therapist?

Not even close! Although it’s interesting when I go through my book collection from over the years, there are a ton on psychology and sex! So maybe my gut knew and it just took a few decades for my head to catch up. I wanted to be a veterinarian, then a CIA agent, modeled some…and then I got real and became a journalist, and finally a psychologist and sex therapist. I am keeping this job!

3. We heard that you used to be a “Kodak Girl” and appeared on the billboards in Times Square… how was that experience?

It was surreal, to be sure. And it’s surreal now—I’m old and there’s basically no such thing as film anymore!  I was a shy teenager so modeling pushed me a bit outside my comfort zone. Confidence wasn’t high on my list of attributes at that time either, so seeing myself on something that big didn’t really sink in. I remember standing in the middle of Times Square with my family looking at the Marriott marquis, and I was ready to move on way before they were. I thought, “Ok, that’s nice, let’s go.” The experience of shooting the photo was amazing though. Kodak rented a horse-drawn carriage for the “groom” and I, and we shot throughout Central Park and at The Plaza. Quite an event for a 17-year-old.

4. These days you work with a lot of celebrities and notable figures… Do you ever get star struck by some of your clients?

I am impressed and in awe of what they do, but my job is to be interested in who they are. So, no, I don’t think I get star struck. At the end of the day they are just people who need help and are brave enough to ask for it. I have immense respect for that given the prominent positions many of them are in.