By Melanie Whyte

By Remi Rosmarin

When it comes to what you do in the bedroom, we don’t judge — unless you’re not properly cleaning your sex toys, in which case we need to talk.

Like pretty much every other product you own, proper cleaning and storage is paramount to maintaining the life and integrity of your vibrators, cock rings and any other pleasure-enhancers in your arsenal. But when it comes to sex toys, cleaning and storage is so much more than just keeping your products in good condition.

“If toys are not cleaned regularly, they have the potential to harbor and spread bacteria, viruses and fungi and could cause yeast infections, UTI’s, GI issues, and STD’s, especially if toys are being shared outside of a monogamous relationship,” says Carrie Smith, VP of Product Development at Cake. “Anal toys can also stain and retain unpleasant smells in addition to transferring the above mentioned nasties.” Whether you’re with one partner, multiple partners or DIY, cleaning is crucial.

Okay, so cleaning your sex toys is a no-brainer, but you should also be cleaning them often. Every expert we consulted agreed: toys should always be cleaned after each use and ideally before each use as well. This holds true whether you use them often or not. “If you use your toys infrequently, cleaning them before and after each use is ideal, because they can collect dust and other air particles while sitting on your shelf or in a drawer,” Dr. Holly Richmond, PhD., Certified Sex Therapist and member of the Clinical Board of Directors for Dame Products tells us.

Sex Toy Maintenance: Key Terms and What to Know

Now that we know cleaning sex toys is essential, let’s get into just how to do that. There are a few different materials that your toys can be made of, and they all need to be tended to differently. The two groups of materials you should know about are porous and non-porous material, says Dr. Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., LELO Sexpert and Author of Becoming Cliterate & A Tired Woman’s Guide to Passionate Sex.

Porous materials: Include hard plastic, elastomer, thermoplastic elastomer (TPR), jelly rubber, and certain types of stones. “Porous materials have tiny, microscopic holes that can hold onto bacteria, dust, and soap—even after they’ve been cleaned,” Mintz shares. Many experts recommend putting a condom over toys made from porous materials for this reason, but Mintz recommends sticking to toys made from non-porous materials.

Non-porous materials: Luckily, there are many different non-porous materials to choose from as well. They include glass, ABS plastic (a dense, nonflexible plastic), medical-grade silicone, steel, and gold. And yes, there are  for the luxury lovers among us.

Waterproof or water resistant: Before you start cleaning, Richmond suggests checking to see if your toy is waterproof or water-resistant. If it’s not, you’ll need to be more careful when cleaning it with water, so moisture doesn’t seep into the toy and corrode any of the interior elements, she says.

Best unscented soaps

As a general rule of thumb, most toys (porous and non-porous) can be cleaned with warm water and a gentle, unscented soap. Make sure to wash the toy for at least 20 seconds, then let air-dry on a clean paper towel or washcloth.

Best cleaning spray

Our experts unanimously recommend using sex toy cleaners as well. There are many different options on the market, such as the ,andto name a few. While every product is a bit different, these generally come in the form of sprays or foams that can be applied to the toys, left to sit and sanitize for a few minutes, and then rinsed off. “This method is especially good for toys that have battery compartments or are not submersible,” Smith shares.

But before you go in with a toy cleaner, make sure the ingredients in the solution are compatible with the materials your toy is made of. “This information is usually available on the toy company or merchant’s website,” Mintz advises. She also suggests looking for a toy cleaner that is water-based, and make sure it is alcohol and paraben-free.

Best UV light cleaner

There are UV sterilizers out there, like the UVee, which use UV light to kill the bacteria hanging on your toys. These devices do not rid your toys of body fluids or dust, so you’ll still need to wash the toy down with another method as well, says Mintz.

Other Cleaning Methods

Dishwasher: If your toy is non-electric, it can be cleaned in the top rack of your dishwasher. Make sure there are no dishes in the machine though, that sounds…messy. You can also ditch the dish soap, as that can be a bit too harsh for many toys.

Boiling Water: This method can only be done with waterproof toys that are made of non-porous materials and don’t have a motor inside. Simply boil a pot of water and put the toy in to boil for 1-3 minutes.

How to store your toys

Now that your toys are squeaky clean, it’s time to put them away. Storage is just as important to the cleanliness of your pleasure products as the cleaning process itself.

Before you put your toys away, make sure they are completely dry. We don’t want any mildew, mold, or bacteria thriving here. If you can keep your toy somewhere that gets light and air, that’s great, Richmond shares. “If we are truly working toward a more sex-positive world where sexual health is prioritized as much as overall physical health, then we should be able to store our sex toys without hiding them,” she states.

But, matters of physical space, as well as taboo, are just a few reasons why your toys may be relinquished to a dark drawer. Smith says that is totally okay, so long as your toys are not touching other toys or products. To ensure that this doesn’t happen, store your toy in a case, the box it came in, a makeup bag, or even a Ziploc.

This may seem like a lot of information, but as you incorporate it into your routine it will become second nature. Those few extra minutes spent cleaning are well-worth the long-term benefits of avoiding STI’s and beyond. Cheers to safe and healthy pleasure!

By Gabrielle Ulubay

By Devon Barrow

Masturbation used to be a hush-hush topic saved for private conversations. But these days, as we’re rinsing shame out of sexuality, the holistic importance of sexual pleasure has come into full view. Backed by tons of positive science and research, we’re finally starting to see masturbation for what it really is: a wellness practice.

We tend to think of wellness as green smoothies and cycling classes, so where does masturbation fit in? To get clear on the subject, we connected with Dr. Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, CST. “I believe we should consider masturbation as a wellness practice because sex and self are not dualistic,” she describes. “There’s not my general health over here, and my sexual health over here.”

As Dr. Holly confirms, sexual health is a holistic part of our being. And that doesn”t necessitate a partner. Masturbation is just as effective at promoting sexual health…especially with the help of brands that stand for pleasure and its role in our daily lives, like Dame. Their products, designed to nourish sexual wellness and deepen connections, make it easier for us to enjoy masturbation more and claim the many health benefits behind it. And BTW, there are many.

The health benefits of masturbation.

In order to fully reap the health benefits of masturbation, we need to understand what it’s about on a deeper level. “I prescribe [self-pleasure] all the time,” Dr. Holly shares. “I don’t call it masturbation because people tend to think of that as goal-oriented, and the goal is usually to have an orgasm. Sexual pleasure is also good for us, and that doesn’t have to include an orgasm.” The bottom line is: Sexual pleasure comes with all sorts of health benefits, orgasm or not. So let’s dive in:

1. Masturbation strengthens your pelvic floor.

According to Dr. Holly, self-pleasure helps make our pelvic floor stronger. And while orgasms aren’t necessary, they certainly help. “Orgasms are like a mini-workout for the pelvic floor,” she describes. “When we orgasm, there are these micro-contractions that help enhance our pelvic floor… This prevents incontinence and makes our orgasms stronger.” So the question on everyone’s mind: How do we make orgasms easier and frequent? Dame’s AerTM is a powerful arousal tool that uses thrilling pulses of air to simulate oral stimulation. Designed to take us all the way, right away, consider this one workout you’ll never skip.

Aer™ – Suction Toy

Pom® – Flexible Vibrator

Eva® – Couples Vibrator

2. Self-pleasure boosts your mood.

Most of the benefits that come from sexual pleasure happen as a result of the oxytocin and dopamine released by the body. As Dr. Holly describes, these natural chemicals wash our prefrontal cortex and our brainstem, leaving us with an overall sense of wellness. Along with boosting our mood, the PomTM can help us get in the mood too. Fitting snugly in the palm of your hand, the Pom offers broad or targeted stimulation for more pleasure, with more ease. With five different intensity and vibration settings, it’ll get the dopamine flowing.

3. Orgasms help us sleep better.

“For some of my clients, having an orgasm is something they do at the end of the day that helps them sleep,” says Dr. Holly. For many of us, sexual pleasure is something that deescalates the nervous system, leaving us in a state of peace and calm. Studies show that sexual activity can lead to a release of oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and prolactin (a hormone that makes us sleepy) while inhibiting cortisol (the stress hormone)—like a neurotransmitter nightcap for better sleep.

Image by BONNINSTUDIO / Stocksy

 

4. Self-touch can help promote the health of our skin.

Exfoliate, moisturize, and self-pleasure…your new skin care routine. The hormonal release that happens with sexual pleasure decreases stress, improves our sleep, and promotes relaxation. Add all these benefits up, and you get glowing skin. On top of that, sexual pleasure has been proven to raise estrogen levels, which can help maintain the youthfulness of our skin. So for the sake of your skin, enjoy extra pleasure with a partner by trying out Dame’s famous and bestselling EvaTM. This wearable clitoral vibrator stays in place during sex to enhance partner play without getting in the way.

5. Masturbation helps us stay present.

We all have the meditation apps and mindfulness books, but we may be forgetting that sexual pleasure is a simple practice to bring us here and now. “To have great sex with ourselves, we do have to be in the present moment, so there is another benefit,” Dr. Holly confirms. “When we’re taking care of ourselves with our self-pleasure practice…it’s going to help us feel more present instead of being in the shame or depression of the past or in the anxiety of the future.”

Make pleasure a practice.

The conversation surrounding masturbation is quickly changing. It’s no longer something to blush about or keep secret. (And if 76% of women and 92% of men masturbate, was it ever really a secret?) It’s important to remember that talking about masturbation means talking about pleasure. As Dr. Holly puts it, “I’m very much an advocate of any time that we’re defining or looking at sexual health—we’re talking about pleasure.” Dame offers sexual wellness products that put pleasure at our fingertips. But they also offer other products, like their Arousal Serum and Massage Oil, which help us turn pleasure into a practice.

“Dame’s sexual wellness products help us receive more benefits from masturbation because there’s literally something for everyone,” Dr. Holly says. “There’s lube to get you started and so many different kinds of vibrators based on your own sexual template. Dame does such a good job of checking all of those boxes.”

The more pleasure we experience, the better we feel—there’s no question about that. But the science shows that more pleasure also means more health and well-being. From better moods to deeper sleep to brighter skin…we officially have every reason to masturbate more.

By Haein Jung

Originally, they were hailed for their ability to make partner play less awkward and more enjoyable; remote control settings mean the vibrator can remain in place while you adjust the settings, so there’s no gap in pleasure. As they’ve gained popularity, remote control vibrators evolved to include synchronized stimulation for partners and a way to spice up date night, with wearable panties and insertable bullets for the couples who simply can’t keep their hands off each other in public.

“Novelty is the key to desire,” says Holly Richmond, Ph.D., certified sex therapist and sex technology consultant. “When you’re with a long term partner, bringing in this novel technology can be hugely erotic.”

But these offer so much more potential beyond a little extra risqué fun during date night. Thanks to improvements in technology, remote control vibrators evolved to now include Bluetooth- and app-controlled toys (granting them their own name, teledildonics) for the couple who may not just be across the couch from one another, but across the country. And in the current climate of social distancing—where some people are quarantined away from their partners or are trying to start up intimate relationships from afar—the availability of this technology is more valuable than ever.

“Most people have experimented with FaceTime sex and masturbating together but now there’s that added level of connection to participate in each other’s pleasure,” says Richmond, explaining that some devices allow you to sync vibration speeds and patterns according to your partner’s desires.

Vibrating panties, bullets, hidden wands, are all varieties of the remote control vibrators available for people with vulvas, but people with penises can get in on the play, too, with wearable sleeves. Dr. Richmond says this ups the ante for long-distance couples as they can masturbate together, with some form of control over the other’s device through secure phone applications. “You can be miles away and literally come together,” she says.

This may be enough for you to click ‘add to cart’ right now, but in case you’re still on the fence, Patty Brisben, founder of Pure Romance, says that using toys together can also strengthen your relationship beyond the physical realm. “Sex toys allow couples to explore together and spark a great dialogue about wants and desires,” she says. (See: How to Introduce Sex Toys Into Your Relationship)

But (!) “before moving into partner vibrators, you need to know what works for you,” says Richmond. When you know what you like and can communicate it to your partner, “it naturally elicits a deeper conversation about pleasure.”

From vibrating panties to male mastubraters, browse this list of nine remote control vibrators to find the right fit for your situationship or relationship—and regardless of your choice, don’t be afraid to use them outside the bedroom.

KIIROO Onyx Cliona Couples Set

KIIROO poses the question, “Why should you play alone if your partner can play with you?” (To be fair, playing alone is really fun and serves a different purpose—but I digress.) This set combines KIIROO’s Cliona, a waterproof, pocket-sized clit vibrator and Onyx, a male masturbator that can reach up to 140 strokes per minute. Richmond favors this tech-savvy set for couples in a long-distance relationship; the ability for synchronized masturbation offers up a pleasurable virtual sexual experience when you can’t be together IRL. (Psst: Here’s How to Make Mutual Masturbation Insanely Hot)

Buy It: KIIROO Onyx Cliona Couples, kiiroo.com

Lovense Osci 2

The oscillating mechanisms of the Osci 2 are unlike your traditional vibrator; the end makes small circles in addition to vibrating so you can score super intense G-spot stimulation. Osci 2 is fitted with a Bluetooth chip, which lets you control it through the Lovense smartphone app. Whether your partner is across town or across the country, they can log in to the app and design up to three vibration sequences using a variety of intensity levels and patterns, allowing them to control your next solo session or virtual masturbation. You may want to test them out a little before you get hot and heavy so you have a little bit of an idea of what works for you, says Kate Balestrieri, Psy.D., sex therapist and founder of Modern Intimacy, who notes Lovense is one of her go-to teledildonic brands. “Be sure to have plenty of lubrication, and curate a setting that feels sexy and safe for you both.”

Buy It: Osci 2, lovense.com

Pure Romance Butterfly Effect

Turn any panties into a vibrator with the all-encompassing design of the Butterfly Effect. The butterfly wings target your vulva and clitoris (which, BTW, includes so much more than the part you can see externally) and the insertable shaft provides internal pleasure. For that reason, “I call it a triple threat,” says Brisben. Paired with a wireless remote, this vibrator can be used up to 30-feet away. Brisben suggests leaving the panties to the side and having a spa night with this toy. “Hand your partner the remote and tell your partner they’re in control of your orgasm then go take a long, sensual bubble bath.” This toy, along with the majority of Pure Romance’s toys, are fully submersible to add to the fun.

Buy It: Pure Romance Butterfly Effect, pureromance.com

Mystery Vibe Poco

Lovense Nora

Hidden Agenda

A conversion about the multi-faceted effects of Covid-19 on our sex lives and sexual fluency during isolation. We discuss sex in social isolation: the explosion of escapism & abstinence, porn & viral love, viral experiences, intentions and expectations, our changing comfort zone with self-exposure on social media, finding freedom from feeling watched, and a lot of self-love how-tos. We go over bluetooth smart toys, teledildonics, immersive sex robots, sex surrogates and sexological body workers, sex athletes and adult virgins, sex work and women’s empowerment, feminism and the demonetizing of sex. We give clear descriptive quotes for initiating conscious long-distance sex and intimacy.

“Like any other luxury product, a sex-toy purchase should be well thought out, because when you invest in a sex toy, you’re investing in personal pleasure,” says Kathryn Catney, who represents the Swedish sex toy brand Lelo. It’s self-care at its finest.

Before shopping, think about what you want from your new toy. It’s the only way you can guarantee it’ll live up to its buzz. Now’s the time to decide whether you want to take a good look at your vibrator in-store or make the purchase online, which materials you prefer, and how much you want to spend.

There’s a lot to consider, but don’t worry, you’re not in this alone. Below is a handy expert-approved guide packed with all the must-know info that will turn you into a vibrator pro.

1. Consider size.

With options including large wand-like vibrators and discreet ones that fit in the palm of your hand out there, it can be tough to anticipate which size is going to bring you the most pleasure if you’re a first-timer. “There’s so much to choose from,” says Holly Richmond, PhD, a somatic psychologist and certified sex therapist. “When we have so many choices, we get overwhelmed and feeling overwhelmed leads to anxiety—the exact opposite of pleasure.” But don’t fret—Richmond’s got the solution.

Consider what you enjoy most when you masturbate and have sex, she suggests. If pleasuring yourself with one finger does the trick, a large or penis-looking vibrator might pack a little too much punch or stimulate way too many areas at once. On the other hand, if your partner is well-endowed or if the strap-on you use during sex isn’t lacking size-wise, bigger just might be better. And if the urge to O tends to suddenly come over you, you might opt for a tiny-but-mighty toy you can disguise as a necklace and whip out in a bathroom for an afternoon delight. (Hey, who’s judging?)

2. Narrow down your ideal shape and sensation.

Once you’ve settled on width and length, bring size and sensation into the equation. Zeroing in the sensation you want will help determine the best shape for your vibrator.

There are five types of pleasure sensations people tend to seek out, says Richmond: internal, clitoral, an internal-clitoral combo, anal, and double penetration (vaginal + anal). And since the minds behind vibrators know pleasure comes from many a locale, they’ve created tons of uniquely shaped toys that can adapt to just about anything you’re looking for.

If you’re unsure about which works for you, take another minute to think about how you typically self-pleasure: Are you focusing on the clitoris, vaginal penetration, or both? Do you enjoy intense and localized sensations, or do you prefer sensations spread around the vulva? Do you self-pleasure the same way every time, or do you need something that can perform in a variety ways?

Based on what makes your whole body quake, scope out vibrators that will address your sexual needs. I’m talking curved dual-action toys that speak to both the clitoris and penetration, ones meant to pleasure the anus and only the anus, and those that are all about internal vaginal stimulation.

If you really have no idea what to go for, pick an internal toy. “Even if you don’t intend to use it internally,” says Catney, “internal massagers can be just as effectively used externally, so in the end, you’ll still have a versatile vibrator.”

3. Start shopping.

Once you’re ready to take the plunge, you have two options: Visit an actual store or buy online.

The perks of heading to a store are that you can test the vibrations and see the toy up close. “At the shops, you get to learn about different styles that you may not have considered and discover entirely new ways of pleasuring yourself.” says Claire Cavanah, founder of (which has brick-and-mortar stores in NYC and Seattle).

However, if the thought of onlookers brings on the nerves, go ahead and add the toys to your online cart instead. There’s no shame in being a bit shy, choosing to take your time to research options, or, heck, overnighting a vibrator because you’re pressed for time (why else did they invent Amazon Prime? JK). And don’t worry about nosy neighbors or roommates, either—retailers these days ship items in super-plain and unidentifiable packaging.

4. Look closely at material and texture.

It’s essential to check out at what a sex toy is made of before buying it. The vibrator is going in and on your body, after all.

“Silicone is a favorite, and many well-known brands use only medical-grade silicone,” says Cavanah. Silicone “transmits vibration well and it’s non-porous [meaning no toxic materials will get trapped inside and make their way into your body] and easy to clean with soap and water, making it healthy and safe for the body.” Other great options include metal, stainless steel, and hard plastic, adds Richmond.

What you definitely want to avoid are jelly-feeling rubber toys. There aren’t many out there anymore since it turned out many contained harmful phthalates, which are banned for use in children’s products but unregulated in bedroom toys, says Cavanah.

Paired with what your vibrator’s made of is what it feels like, says Richmond. For more stimulation, go for a toy that’s ribbed or bumpy. Or bring a little temperature play into the mix by pleasuring yourself with a toy made of cool metal. If metal’s not your thing, just slather on some cooling or warming water-based lube (using silicone-based lube on a silicone vibrator will tarnish it).

5. Make sure you like its look.

No matter how powerful the vibrator is, it would be a huge mistake to buy something you think looks scary, garish, or aesthetically unappealing. Catney says the aesthetics of a vibrator are almost as important as what it does—after all, this is something you’re using to get turned on. So skip that hot pink vibe unless you absolutely love the way it shines in your nightstand.

“Pick the one that tickles that sexy part of your imagination,” says Cavanah. “Desire and aesthetic are deeply personal and entwined, so pick the vibrator or vibrators that speak to you.” For example, if you prefer small and sleek over big and bulky, a bullet vibrator might be the way to go.

6. Listen to its buzz.

Now, onto the really good stuff—the actual vibrations.

Most vibrators have tons of settings that allow you to manipulate vibration patterns, speed, and intensity so you can ramp up or slow down as you please. Figuring out which vibrations and patterns get you going, says Richmond, calls for some trial and error. The more you use your vibrator, the better you’ll get at sensing what really does it for you. So, go at it, girl.

If you’ve got thin walls, then it’s worthwhile to find a vibe that won’t sound like a chainsaw every time you use it. Sometimes, the noise level will correlate with the intensity or power of the vibrator, but with high-end products, that won’t be as much of an issue.

“Most of us prefer a quiet vibe, and spending a little extra money will ensure your new sex toy is made from the quality materials that help dampen noise,” said Catney. One way to find a quiet-but-powerful tool is to hunt down materials that muffle sound. “Silicone is great for this.”

If you’re worried that a quiet vibe will compromise the intensity of the sensations, Cavanah recommends testing the vibrator on your hand—or on the tip of your nose (since the skin there’s pretty sensitive) if you’re buying in-store to see how it feels.

7. Familiarize yourself with all the bells and whistles out there.

The spectrum of features is endless, I’m talking waterproof toys, ones capable of vibration and suction sensations, those that are remote operated, and some that and vibrate to the beat.

The best move, according to Cavanah is to choose a vibrator with a range of features. “This way you can more easily customize it to your mood and the situation. Some days, you might want to use it for foreplay only, and other days, you might want it to take you there. The more range it has, the more easily you can adapt it into your sex life.”

Deciding which special effects you want is totally personal—and up to your budget—but you can always start with something pretty simple and upgrade later.

8. Establish your budget.

Speaking of budgets…

You can find inexpensive, simple vibrators for around just $15 or, for a pretty penny, you could ball out for a gold-plated experience.

Case in point:

If you decide you’d like to invest more in your pleasure, says Richmond, consider shelling out a bit more for vibrators that have cooler features (like easy on/off buttons, extensive vibration options, multiple attachments) and a longer life.

9. Stock up on cleaning supplies.

Since rubbing your vibrator down with a bleached wipe and inserting it into yourself is a one-way ticket to irritation, or worse, infection, when it comes to cleaning your device, stick to gentle body soap (nothing antibacterial) and water. It will always do the trick.

And if you want to take cleansing up a notch, you can go for a specialized sex-toy cleaner. Most are alcohol-free and paraben-free sprays that you can leave on your vibrator for five minutes and rinse off (if it’s waterproof—otherwise, use a damp cloth), says Richmond. Be sure to clean your toy after every use, she adds.

10. Pick a storage spot.

Classic spots include your nightstand, your underwear or lingerie drawer, says Richmond. But a bathroom drawer or your device’s carrying case works just fine, too. Just make sure to keep your vibrator out of areas that may have oils, powders, and perfumes around, Richmond warns, so that your vibrator won’t pick up any irritants that can end up in your body, damage your device, or both.

You spent money on that shi…now put it to good (and I mean, REALLY good) use.

By Sophie Saint Thomas

When I first saw that a $9 sex toy was on Amazon’s best seller list, I admit I was skeptical. The Original Butterfly Kiss Vibrator from CalExotics reminded me of the first toy I ever bought back in high school when my friends and I snuck giggling into our local adult store. At first, I arrogantly thought that the quality of my sex life had upgraded significantly since high school and that my sex toys should reflect that change. I simply wasn’t convinced that a $9 G-Spot vibrator with a butterfly on it could get me off with the same power as something like an elegantly designed $95 vibrator.

However, other reviewers were fully on board. “This little guy is great. Gets the job done,” says Amazon customer Emily, one of 1,500 users who rated the toy a full five stars. So, I set off to test it for myself, and I was a bit surprised by what happened when I did.

How does the Original Butterfly Kiss Vibrator work?

The toy may indeed invoke sex toy memories from a decade or so ago: it doesn’t charge with a USB cord, and there’s no app component. You have to go to the pharmacy and buy a pack of triple-A batteries to get started, just like you did when the original Sabrina the Teenage Witch was your favorite show. After inserting the batteries (and trying multiple times to put them in the right way), I found that with a push of a button at the base, the toy offers three different vibration speeds.

Is this vibrator safe to use long-term?

The reason I’m hesitant about inexpensive sex toys isn’t that I feel a need to masturbate solely with name-brand vibrators that come with a high price tag, but because of the material they’re often made from. Experts tend to agree that when it comes to sex toys or anything you’re putting inside of your body, you should stick with something made out of a safe, non-porous material, such as medical grade silicone or glass.

The Original Butterfly Kiss Vibrator is advertised as being made with “body-safe TPR silicone.” However, it may not truly be body-safe. “TPR, while in theory non-toxic, has a number of issues,” says Kenton Johnston, sex toy expert at FunKit Toys. First and foremost, it isn’t a single material, but a category of many materials. It stands for thermoplastic elastomer, which just refers to any plastic blend that’s rubbery. So you don’t necessarily know what you’re getting — what you do know is that it’s porous and can harbor microbes, including mold and pathogens,” he says.

That means that you can’t sanitize it as properly as you can a toy made with medical-grade silicone, glass, or steel. Why does that matter? Because according to Dangerous Lilly, porous sex toys make a great home for fungus and bacteria over time — and that’s the last thing you want to insert into your body. Using toys made with porous ingredients, which therefore can’t be properly sanitized, can lead to yeast infections, bacterial vaginosis, and transmission of STIs if used by more than one person, Johnson says.

Will using it for a bit cause you any serious bodily harm? It’s unlikely. However, think of Original Butterfly Kiss Vibrator more like a fling than a long-term relationship. Do you want a life-long partnership with this sex toy? No. Can you have fun with it during cuffing season then toss it out and invest in something higher-quality after the new year? That’s ultimately your decision, but people certainly make more dangerous decisions with their body every day than using an Amazon vibrator that may not be body-safe.

So did it get me off as easily as pricier vibrators?

Honestly, even though I was skeptical, it felt really good and made me come just as nicely as sex toys ten times the price. The butterfly shape wrapped surprisingly well around my clit, and the shorter internal bulb-shaped portion perfectly hit my G-Spot (of course, I’m speaking for myself and all anatomy is different).

Is it worth the $9 Amazon click of a button if you’re looking for a cheap and easy sex toy? Absolutely. But I admit, I did worry a bit about possible health ramifications, which isn’t exactly conducive to a relaxing masturbation session.

What are some better body-safe options?

“To be as safe as possible when choosing a sex toy, look for ones made of hard plastic, pure silicone, stainless steel, glass, ceramic, or aluminum, which are all non-porous, free of phthalates, and easy to clean,” says somatic psychologist and sex therapist Holly Richmond. The Ina 2 by Lelo is a wonderful rabbit-style vibrator made with non-porous silicone, but it will cost you $189.

If you’re willing to step outside the world of rabbit vibrators and just want something to get you off without breaking the bank (or your vagina due to a bacterial infection), opt for a bullet vibe. For people with clitorises, the Iroha Mini Vibe by Tenga is body-safe and highly orgasmic. It costs $30, so just $20 more than the Butterfly Kiss, but it’s twenty bucks worth of worry-free fun.

By Isabelle Kohn

“Technology gets more prolific and ubiquitous in our lives on a daily basis. Whether we’re talking about apps, tech dating trends, sex with robotic companions, teledildonics, virtual reality, or AI-enabled companions, it’s likely that tech-sex will be the norm in the next decade, not the exception.”

Kayla* sits on the edge of her bed scrolling through Lioness, the app she’s been using to track and improve her orgasms. The 29-year-old social media manager tells me she had a particularly good one yesterday, and hands me her phone so I can see.

On the screen, there’s a graph of rolling peaks and valleys whose high points represent the repeated vaginal contractions of her climax.

Beginning promptly at 8:10 a.m., her orgasm, which she gave herself using Lioness’s dual-stimulating G-spot and clit vibrator, lasted a jaunty eight seconds. From her app, she sees that she hadn’t had coffee or taken her birth control pills beforehand, and that she used the vibrator while lying on her back. Other notes she reads aloud to me include “almost on my period so I used more lube than usual,” “same vibration strength the whole time,” and “slept seven hours the night before.”

By comparing this orgasm to yesterday’s, and the one she had the day before that, Kayla is able to see that her orgasms come faster when she is in a better mood and hasn’t taken any stimulants. Looking back at her history over the past month, she also notices she tends to have stronger orgasms in the morning than at any other time. Cheekily, she sets her alarm a bit earlier for the following a.m.

I ask her what exactly it is she’s doing by tracking her orgasms and studying her masturbation sessions on an app. Without missing a beat, she looks up from her phone where she’s been typing notes and blankly says, “I’m biohacking.”

Biohackers are people who use do-it-yourself methods to “hack” the human body in order to enhance its functioning or overcome its natural limitations. Most often, that involves changes to the body’s internal or external environment, which can take the form of body modifications, implants, radical diets, and cognitive enhancement drugs designed to improve fitness, health, or mental agility. However, a more recent trend has a growing number of women like Kayla using biohacking for a slightly juicier reason: to manipulate and enhance their orgasms and pleasure. Basically, the Lioness is like a Fitbit for your orgasm.

There are as many ways to hack an orgasm as there are to have one. Some people, like controversial biohacker Rich Lee, use high-tech, DIY body modifications to allegedly elevate pleasure to superhuman territory with orgasm-inducing spinal implants and wearable electromagnets that stimulate the clitoris. Others, like period biohacker and creator of the hormone-tracking app MyFLO Alisa Vitti, focus on helping users zero in on their own biological trends and use them to their advantage. In her bestselling book, WomanCode, Vitti suggests hacking into the four stages of the arousal process in order to maximize the release of health- and mood-enhancing hormones sexual pleasure can bring. By focusing less on rushing to orgasm and more on elongating the plateau phase of arousal (the time just before climax), it’s possible, Vitti tells me, to amplify the amount of mood-boosting oxytocin and inflammation-reducing nitric oxide in your system. “The longer you stay in this phase before you climax,” she says, “the more hormones you will produce that improve your period, your fertility, and your immune function.”

And, for folks like Kayla, who are down to biohack with a vibrator, a new generation of “smart” sex toys are giving women the option to take control of their own pleasure in ways never before possible.

Smart sex toys like Lioness track some of the physiological mannerisms the female body undergoes in the throes of pleasure and orgasm; everything from pelvic floor contractions to body temperature to pressure of touch and more can be measured and relayed to users on an app or interface. Even environmental or behavioral variables that affect pleasure and orgasm can be tracked and analyzed with the right technology—stress levels, sleep quality, hormonal makeup, the presence of medication, hunger level, whether or not you’ve had stimulants like coffee during the day, whether or not your roommate was home, what you fantasized about, and so on. They function kind of like food diaries or fitness trackers, but for pleasure.

The end goal of all this data? As Lioness founder Liz Klinger explains, tracking and interpreting the body’s responses to pleasure helps users see patterns in what works and what doesn’t. This, she says, can lead to “better sex, more pleasurable experiences, and, yes, even better orgasms.”

Hacking can also help people address health concerns such as pain during sex and experiment with different stimulants and depressants such as alcohol and cannabis as palliatives, Klinger says. What’s more, because orgasms have so many mental and physical health benefits, it’s possible to use said better, stronger orgasms to biohack other bodily functions as well—everything from period cramps to your immune system to your mood can be enhanced through a better relationship to pleasure.

This is precisely where we find Kayla, happily fiddling with her phone while she pioneers her own orgasm with data. As a late bloomer who didn’t get much sex education in school, Kayla tells me she got into biohacking in order to discover her own sexuality in a more personal and nuanced way than she could with a partner, whose needs she often found herself prioritizing over her own.

“I love being able to see what my body can do,” she says. “Biohacking myself with this app has actually made me think about my own pleasure in a way I never got the opportunity to before. It’s weird; considering what makes me feel good has become such a big part of my day.”

Taking into account the largely repressive and sex-negative culture we live in, the fact that technology is helping women like Kayla feel more empowered by pleasure is no small feat.

“Male pleasure and the importance of the male orgasm has been highly valued and validated for centuries,” explains Dr. Holly Richmond, a somatic psychologist and sex therapist who specializes in navigating the growing field of sextech. “Women are ready to claim our inherent right to pleasure and sexual health. We have lived too long in a culture where male sexual pleasure is a right and female sexual pleasure is a bonus. I’m excited to see the sextech industry is finally creating intelligent products that empower women to prioritize their pleasure.”

The question is, why now?

Hacking the Orgasm Gap

Orgasm and sexual pleasure have always been inherent to women and femme folk, but persistent taboos, sexual repression, and a lack of education and research have made these possibilities difficult to explore and enjoy with the same abandon that is often afforded to men. Meanwhile, in film, TV, and other forms of mainstream media such as porn, female pleasure is often depicted in a formulaic manner that makes it seem like there is one way—maybe two—to climax. While those methods may be valid for some women, sex and pleasure are far too idiosyncratic and personal to be reduced to such a cookie-cutter state. A far more useful model than media or our current education system would be to offer women viable ways to learn about what feels good for their bodies personally, not ways to conform to societal expectations about what sexuality should be.

That’s exactly where orgasmic biohacking fits in. There’s a demand for a smarter discourse about female pleasure, and technology and practices that increase women’s understanding of their own bodies might be the answer.

This, explains Richmond, is the issue that sextech companies are finally beginning to address.

“As technology that improves the experience and understanding of pleasure continues to evolve at a rapid rate, women-run sextech companies like Dame Products, Unbound, MakeLoveNotPorn, and the Center for Erotic Intelligencehave been using it to change how women experience pleasure,” she says. Driven largely by the increasing availability of technology that’s capable of closing the orgasm gap—the reality that 91 percent of men orgasmed during their last sexual encounter as compared to 64 percent of women—sextech products and services are starting to move past the goal of push-button orgasms into the more holistic and nuanced realm of erotic intelligence. What’s becoming increasingly important for both discerning female consumers and the brands who serve them, says Richmond, are products that increase the understanding of female pleasure so that it can be improved, customized, and, most importantly, normalized.

Do It Yourself… Together

As you may have already guessed, Lioness is a major player in this game. Invented by Klinger as a smart toy designed to overcome the gaps in knowledge about female pleasure, the app-vibrator duo collects and interprets encrypted and anonymous data on users’ pleasure patterns. Using advanced biometric sensors, it monitors physiological responses like temperature, motion, and pressure to give users a clear idea of what is—or is not—contributing to their climax. In addition to tracking metrics, users can pose questions to and receive support from an online community of the like-minded Lioness pride.

This kind of feedback is clutch, says Richmond. “Smart vibrators, apps, and even more immersive innovations like virtual reality allow women to take sexual health into their own hands and figure out what works for their particular bodies, not what their partners or porn tells them they should like,” she explains. “Women can see when they had a very strong orgasm, or were most in their arousal zone, and then recreate that same scenario for their next pleasure session. It’s like AI for your vagina.”

In addition to collecting data on users’ individual pleasure experiences, Lioness also lets users voluntarily and anonymously submit their results for aggregate research, an option which has already begun to reveal some important discoveries about female pleasure. So far, Lioness data has found important patterns in how marijuana use affects orgasm (there’s no archetypical experience, but cannabis does seem to change people’s mental and physical experience in ways that are more pleasurable for some) and how concussions impact sexual functioning (they can reduce the frequency and intensity of orgasm, an effect which goes away as the brain recovers). It’s even led to the fascinating discovery that individuals have personalized orgasm patterns that are unique to them, almost like a blood type or a fingerprint shape.