By Rachel Varina

Whether you’re single, dating, or have been with the one for what feels like ever, keeping things spicy is ultra important. This is because sex and intimacy not only build connection, but orgasms themselves have major health benefits from lower blood pressure and reducing stress. Plus they feel pretty fantastic too—a great bonus.

Best Libido Gummies

1. Desire Gummies from Dame
2. Libido Gummies from Maude
3. Sex Gummies from House of Wise Co
4. WonderDay Mushroom Gummies from Plant People
5. Delta-8 Gummies from Delta North

But what about if you just don’t feel that urge? The one to pull your partner into the bedroom or turn down the lights with your favorite vibrator. In these situations, libido gummies could be the answer you’ve been looking for.

You see, a decrease in libido and arousal can occur for a large number of reasons such as hormone imbalances, stress, and anxiety. And while it’s definitely a good idea to check in with your doctor, sometimes the roadblock that’s hindering you from wanting sex is mental over physical. But maybe work is getting to you or you’re simply feeling uninspired and less joyful. In these situations, libido gummies could be just what you need to reignite that passion.

For more on why, I spoke with licensed marriage therapist and member of Dame’s clinical board, Holly Richmond, PhD. She explained anything that reduces stress will naturally create easier access to your libido. “Stress and desire exist on opposite ends of the pleasure spectrum,” Dr. Richmond says. “It’s impossible to feel desire and arousal if you feel stressed.”

While some stressors—like a big work project—might be temporary, others—such as family relationships or general anxiety—simmer in the background at all times. That’s why libido gummies that support your overall health and promote relaxation are major for reigniting that spark within yourself. These little, candy-like bites help create a sense of ease, relaxation, and yup, desire, that make it so much easier to not only be present in any sensual moment, but crave it as well.

That’s why we’re outlining everything you need to know about these nifty little supplements. From what to look for in libido gummies to the best libido gummies to buy, read on for one of our favorite—and most delicious—arousal hacks around.

@YULIASIS VIA TWENTY20

 

What actually are libido gummies?

Like most gummy supplements, libido gummies are daily (sometimes twice daily), chewable tablets. They’re usually pretty tasty—oftentimes fruit-flavored—to the point that you’ll have to stop yourself from wanting to casually munch on them.

Dr. Richmond says typically when you take them, you’ll feel calmer, grounded, and less impacted by stress. “[This] leads to feeling closer and more connected to your sexual self or your partner(s),” she explains. “You may feel horny, but more likely you’ll notice you have a desire for sex and pleasure.” Essentially, these supplements help take away the roadblocks that hinder you from desire. “People notice more openness to sex and have the motivation, energy, and enthusiasm to explore pleasure and connection in the ways that feel most healthy to them,” Dr. Richmond adds.

How do libido gummies work?

The key with most libido gummies is that they help reduce stress while improving relaxation and mood. “Numerous studies point to stress as the primary inhibitor of sexual desire,” Dr. Richmond says. “When people experience stress, their body produces more adrenaline and cortisol, which typically creates a state of fight or flight. When someone’s nervous system is hyperaroused in a fear state, it is almost impossible to access pleasure in an integrated way, where their mind and body are on the same page.”

Additionally, stress can cause you to feel overwhelmed and freeze, Dr. Richmond adds, which oftentimes makes it feel impossible to reach arousal, channel desire, or experience sexual pleasure. Some gummies work in as quickly as 45 minutes for a boost, while others you have to take for a few weeks before you notice the long-lasting results.

Whichever route you go, Dr. Richmond suggests looking for products with natural ingredients like ashwagandha, horny goat weed, and maca root that support mood and decrease stress/anxiety.

It’s important to note that some gummies include ingredients such as THC or CBD which could elevate heart rate or blood pressure, so make sure to chat with your doctor and get the go-ahead before starting any new supplements.

Who are libido gummies good for?

Simply put, Dr. Richmond says libido and arousal gummies are good for “anyone who would like to decrease stress and anxiety, improve their mood and increase sexual desire.” Typically, these supplements are marketed for and geared toward women.

“In my practice, the complaint I hear most often from women is a lack of desire for sex,” Dr. Richmond explains. “They want to want! Sexual health is an essential part of overall health, and these gummies give women more access to feeling like their whole, healthy, and empowered sexual self.”

As you’re looking through different options, you might come across “arousal” or “desire” gummies as well. Dr. Richmond says there’s a difference, so you’ll want to consider your needs when shopping. “Libido falls more squarely into the category of desire, which I describe as the psychological process of wanting. When people feel desire and notice their libido, they are experiencing an openness to and interest in sex and pleasure,” she explains. “Arousal, on the other hand, is more body-based. I describe arousal as the physiological process of wanting. Arousal is what happens as a result of feeling desire, which often includes physical effects like lubricating, getting an erection, butterflies in your stomach, or your heart beating faster, for example.”

So whether you’re looking to increase your libido or arousal, there’s likely a tasty gummy that can help.

If you’re ready to dive into the world of libido gummies, you’re in luck! We’ve rounded up five of the best supplement options that’ll make you feel almost as great as they taste.

By Anna Breslaw, Carina Hsieh, and Rachel Varina 

By Sophie Saint Thomas

By Devon Barrow

By Devon Barrow

By Devon Barrow

Masturbation used to be a hush-hush topic saved for private conversations. But these days, as we’re rinsing shame out of sexuality, the holistic importance of sexual pleasure has come into full view. Backed by tons of positive science and research, we’re finally starting to see masturbation for what it really is: a wellness practice.

We tend to think of wellness as green smoothies and cycling classes, so where does masturbation fit in? To get clear on the subject, we connected with Dr. Holly Richmond, Ph.D., LMFT, CST. “I believe we should consider masturbation as a wellness practice because sex and self are not dualistic,” she describes. “There’s not my general health over here, and my sexual health over here.”

As Dr. Holly confirms, sexual health is a holistic part of our being. And that doesn”t necessitate a partner. Masturbation is just as effective at promoting sexual health…especially with the help of brands that stand for pleasure and its role in our daily lives, like Dame. Their products, designed to nourish sexual wellness and deepen connections, make it easier for us to enjoy masturbation more and claim the many health benefits behind it. And BTW, there are many.

The health benefits of masturbation.

In order to fully reap the health benefits of masturbation, we need to understand what it’s about on a deeper level. “I prescribe [self-pleasure] all the time,” Dr. Holly shares. “I don’t call it masturbation because people tend to think of that as goal-oriented, and the goal is usually to have an orgasm. Sexual pleasure is also good for us, and that doesn’t have to include an orgasm.” The bottom line is: Sexual pleasure comes with all sorts of health benefits, orgasm or not. So let’s dive in:

1. Masturbation strengthens your pelvic floor.

According to Dr. Holly, self-pleasure helps make our pelvic floor stronger. And while orgasms aren’t necessary, they certainly help. “Orgasms are like a mini-workout for the pelvic floor,” she describes. “When we orgasm, there are these micro-contractions that help enhance our pelvic floor… This prevents incontinence and makes our orgasms stronger.” So the question on everyone’s mind: How do we make orgasms easier and frequent? Dame’s AerTM is a powerful arousal tool that uses thrilling pulses of air to simulate oral stimulation. Designed to take us all the way, right away, consider this one workout you’ll never skip.

Aer™ – Suction Toy

Pom® – Flexible Vibrator

Eva® – Couples Vibrator

2. Self-pleasure boosts your mood.

Most of the benefits that come from sexual pleasure happen as a result of the oxytocin and dopamine released by the body. As Dr. Holly describes, these natural chemicals wash our prefrontal cortex and our brainstem, leaving us with an overall sense of wellness. Along with boosting our mood, the PomTM can help us get in the mood too. Fitting snugly in the palm of your hand, the Pom offers broad or targeted stimulation for more pleasure, with more ease. With five different intensity and vibration settings, it’ll get the dopamine flowing.

3. Orgasms help us sleep better.

“For some of my clients, having an orgasm is something they do at the end of the day that helps them sleep,” says Dr. Holly. For many of us, sexual pleasure is something that deescalates the nervous system, leaving us in a state of peace and calm. Studies show that sexual activity can lead to a release of oxytocin (the cuddle hormone) and prolactin (a hormone that makes us sleepy) while inhibiting cortisol (the stress hormone)—like a neurotransmitter nightcap for better sleep.

Image by BONNINSTUDIO / Stocksy

 

4. Self-touch can help promote the health of our skin.

Exfoliate, moisturize, and self-pleasure…your new skin care routine. The hormonal release that happens with sexual pleasure decreases stress, improves our sleep, and promotes relaxation. Add all these benefits up, and you get glowing skin. On top of that, sexual pleasure has been proven to raise estrogen levels, which can help maintain the youthfulness of our skin. So for the sake of your skin, enjoy extra pleasure with a partner by trying out Dame’s famous and bestselling EvaTM. This wearable clitoral vibrator stays in place during sex to enhance partner play without getting in the way.

5. Masturbation helps us stay present.

We all have the meditation apps and mindfulness books, but we may be forgetting that sexual pleasure is a simple practice to bring us here and now. “To have great sex with ourselves, we do have to be in the present moment, so there is another benefit,” Dr. Holly confirms. “When we’re taking care of ourselves with our self-pleasure practice…it’s going to help us feel more present instead of being in the shame or depression of the past or in the anxiety of the future.”

Make pleasure a practice.

The conversation surrounding masturbation is quickly changing. It’s no longer something to blush about or keep secret. (And if 76% of women and 92% of men masturbate, was it ever really a secret?) It’s important to remember that talking about masturbation means talking about pleasure. As Dr. Holly puts it, “I’m very much an advocate of any time that we’re defining or looking at sexual health—we’re talking about pleasure.” Dame offers sexual wellness products that put pleasure at our fingertips. But they also offer other products, like their Arousal Serum and Massage Oil, which help us turn pleasure into a practice.

“Dame’s sexual wellness products help us receive more benefits from masturbation because there’s literally something for everyone,” Dr. Holly says. “There’s lube to get you started and so many different kinds of vibrators based on your own sexual template. Dame does such a good job of checking all of those boxes.”

The more pleasure we experience, the better we feel—there’s no question about that. But the science shows that more pleasure also means more health and well-being. From better moods to deeper sleep to brighter skin…we officially have every reason to masturbate more.

By Julie Nguyen

By Ellie Montgomerie and Aimee Batuski

You’ll often hear people refer to these interests as sexual kinks or fetishes. But what exactly are fetishes and sexual kinks? And why do people have them?

Sex therapist Kelifern Pomeranz, PsyD, says that all fetishes are kinks, but not all kinks are fetishes. “A fetish is a sexual attraction to inanimate objects, body parts, or situations not commonly viewed as being sexual in nature, [while] a kink is a broader term that includes a variety of sexual interests, behaviors, preferences, and fantasies that are thought to be outside of the mainstream.”

According to Justin Lehmiller, PhD, a research fellow at the Kinsey Institute and the author of Tell Me What You Want, fetishes and unusual sexual interests develop gradually. A person might see a particular stimulus—like, say, a boot—while they’re sexually aroused, and eventually come to associate arousal with boots.

Or, Lehmiller says, grouping an object or body part together with orgasm might prompt a person to seek out that same object or body part in the future because the brain expects the same reward. (Orgasms, of course, floods the brain with dopamine, the neurotransmitter that regulates motivation and pleasure.)

Fetishes get stigmatized because they’re reasonably rare. Plus, there’s a lot of sexual shame in our culture. And they often involve impulses that puzzle the masses: Bees all over your genitals? Unbounded attraction to vomit? But the brain wants what it wants.

If you’re interested in exploring a kink or sexual fetish with your partner, communication is key. “Set aside time for this conversation when you are both relaxed and when you are getting along,” Pomeranz suggests.

And make sure to come informed: “Do your research and share well-informed and reliable information. Share articles, videos, books, and information from sex researchers, academics, educators, and therapists normalizing and supporting your interest.” You essentially want to put their fears and anxieties at ease. Exploring any type of sexual kink or fetish will always require consent and patience.

t’s okay if it’s a bit awkward at first, says Holly Richmond, PhD, a certified sex therapist based in New York. “People can get in their heads about whether it’s weird, but let yourself off the hook about any judgments.” As long as it’s consensual and pleasurable, you’re doing it right.

If you want to learn more about different forms of sexual play, here’s a list of 21 sexual kinks and fetishes you may not have heard about before.

1. Cuckolding

Cuckolding is a form of BDSM and power play, says Richmond.

The act calls for one person to watch their partner have sex with someone else or listen to stories about their partner having sex with someone else. The goal here is usually humiliation. The person watching or listening is turned on by their partner desiring someone else over them. They enjoy the stimulation of being cheated on and experimenting with an act that’s considered taboo.

And while it’s not a rule, cuckolding typically involves a man whose woman partner, whether that’s a wife or girlfriend, has sex with another man and cosplays desiring the other man over her husband or boyfriend.

2. Klismaphilia

This turn-on is one experienced by people who find enemas arousing, says Richmond. A Greek term, klismaphilia, refers to the pleasure someone experiences from relieving themselves while using an enema, they enjoy the pressurized feeling. For others, it’s the feeling or knowledge of having their bowels cleaned. And in other cases, it’s all about giving someone an enema or preparing the body for an enema. Most klismaphiles discover their fetish after having a doctor-recommended enema in childhood.

3. Nylons

“If someone has a fetish for nylons it means they’re attracted to someone wearing nylons or putting them on,” says Richmond. “The tactile part turns them on.”

Men usually, she says, report enjoying the feeling of sitting on their mothers’ laps and feeling her nylons underneath their legs. For others, they felt pleasure watching someone put nylons on in a film, and sometimes people just enjoy the feeling of putting them on or peeling them off.

4. Pregnancy

This one’s exactly what it sounds like—some people are aroused by pregnant people. The starting point is usually porn, says Richmond. There are numerous sections on popular porn websites dedicated to it—even dating websites dedicated to men connecting with pregnant women.

But sometimes, simply seeing expecting mothers, particularly during childhood, is what sets things off. An older sibling watching their mother preparing to deliver their younger sibling can manifest itself into this fetish later in life.

And what people consider pleasurable about pregnancy differs. For some, it’s the “glow” pregnant women have. Sometimes, is seeing a large round belly (the bigger the better) and heavy breasts filled with milk (more on that fetish later). And for others, is the fact that it seems taboo—though pregnant women can have sex.

5. Whips

Considering how mainstream whips have become in media portrayals of kink and fetishism, this one might not be so surprising.

Richmond recommends, however, starting slowly if you’re new to using whips. This kind of power and punishment play is really fun, but can get painful very quickly if you and your partner don’t talk it out first. Ask where they’d like to be whipped and discuss a scale to assess pain, 10 being the hardest whip and 1 being the softest.

It’s also a good idea to come up with a safe word other than “stop.” Go for something totally random that you’d never say during sex. Maybe try: “sticker” or “asphalt.”

6. Wax

Wax play is another common part of BDSM often depicted least on television, books, and film.

It involves dripping wax onto someone or having wax dripped on you, says Richmond. The biggie here is using appropriate candles. The scented ones you’ve got around your house will likely not do the trick and might even burn you or your partner. Opt for paraffin or soy candles that slowly pool wax as they burn and don’t instantly harden when poured onto the body—this way you can have bit of fun moving the wax around before it stiffens.

7. Bondage

Carole Queen, PhD, and author of The Sex & Pleasure Book: Good Vibrations Guide to Great Sex for Everyone describes bondage as a type of activity where you restrain your partner with things like rope, non-stick tape, or cuffs. “Bondage is a trust exercise above all, and can be done for its own sake—Japanese bondage, in particular, is aesthetically beautiful and sexy to do—or to add to other kinds of sensation, from intercourse to spanking and more,” says Queen.

She warns, however, that it should be practiced with caution as any kind of bondage that is too tight is not only uncomfortable but can cause permanent nerve damage. To make sure you’re practicing bondage safely, it’s best to school yourself on best practices and most importantly set boundaries to ensure the safety of all those involved in the practice. One common practice is the use of a safe word, which signals that the bondage needs to end immediately.

8. Age Play

Age play is a kind of fetish that involves an exchange of power, says Jill McDevitt, PhD, a sexologist at CalExotics.

In this activity, partners will role play and act as if they are different ages than what they actually are. “A common combination is an adult and a ‘baby’ who would be cared for like an infant or young child,” says McDevitt. Age play can also be categorized as a form of dominance and submission play, where the partner playing the younger person is often the submissive. This isn’t to be confused with autonepiophilia, where the person gets sexual pleasure from dressing up or acting as a baby, not necessarily the act of role playing as someone of a different age—more on that in a bit.

9. Quirofilia

Quirofilia can also be known as a hand fetish. And since any eroticization of a specific part of the body is often referred to as partialism, quirofilia is sometimes referred to as hand partialism.

A person into quirofilia is especially drawn to fingers and hands. Queen says that this fetish really isn’t too surprising, since hands are such significant sexual tools. “Many of us have daydreamed about the feeling of hands all over us, so this just takes such an erotic focus a few steps farther.”

Quirofilia may involve an attraction to certain parts of the hands, manicures or certain acts performed by the hands, from washing dishes to handjobs. If you have a hand fetish and want to explore it with your partner, you should talk to them about ways you can introduce it into your sex life, maybe as a form of foreplay.

10. Foot fetishism

A foot fetish means you’re sexually aroused by feet, also referred to as foot partialism. People with foot fetishes may be attracted to seeing feet in certain footwear such as high heels, they might enjoy interactions with feet including massaging or toe-sucking, while some prefer embellishments on the feet such as a fresh pedicure or a tattoo.

In certain cases, a person may appreciate the feet more than the person they’re attached to, says Queen, but [feet] should really be looked at as an added source of a turn-on, not a substitute for a real connection with another person. “In fact, you can think of any kink basically this way: a “cherry-on-top” erotic treat, or a way to focus desire and arousal.”

Read the Rest at Women’s Health

In partnered relationships, especially those that are long-term, helping people understand their core belief systems around sex is key. Only from that introspective, self-aware foundation can they authentically create the sex life they want by asking for what they need.

One of the most common relational paradoxes a sex therapist manages is that of sex versus intimacy: one partner wants more sex while the other wants more intimacy. Now, of course sex and intimacy can coexist—it’s what most couples desire—but when specific needs around physical and emotional closeness aren’t being met, this divisive line becomes quite pronounced.

What I’ll typically hear from one partner is, “We never have sex,” or “You always say no.” The other partner will assert, “We never talk,” and “All you want is sex.” For example, one person feels like their partner ignores housework, childcare, and romance, yet expects them to be magically turned on and in the mood for sex at all times. The other person feels rejected, unwanted, and taken for granted, and tells themselves they are justified in not giving their partner the relationship they want because they aren’t getting the sex they want.

This becomes a passive-aggressive standoff of dueling belief systems. It is particularly dysfunctional when neither partner will budge form their position until the other does, e.g., “I’ll have sex once I feel cared for,” versus “I’ll take care of you once we have sex.” And around and around they go in an uncoordinated dance of unmet emotional and physical needs.

While it may seem like each partner is asking for something entirely different, they usually aren’t. By exploring the meaning of sex and intimacy (rather than specific acts of them), couples have an opportunity to come into alignment and co-create an erotic space that is equally satisfying.

Most people who crave intimacy are actually craving curiosity and genuine interest from their partner.

Here’s an insider sex therapist secret: Many couples have good or even great sex when they have it; it’s trudging through emotions like sadness, anger, resentment and contempt before taking their clothes off that gets in the way. It’s often not a problem of mechanics, but rather of past, unresolved grievances. Of the four common relational emotions listed above, venerated couples therapists and researchers John and Julie Gottman have determined that resentment and contempt are the most harmful to long-term partnerships. Helping couples understand and move through their resentment or contempt is a necessary first step toward both people cultivating the sex life and relationship they’re longing for.

Okay, but how?

1. Define “intimacy” and “sex.”

Intimacy to one person is not intimacy to another, and the same goes for sex. Starting with the latter, it’s important for each partner to understand what’s being asked for when sex is stated as a need. Is it penis-in-vagina, the penetration-based norm for many straight couples? Or, does sex mean oral or anal or simply lying in bed together making out? Part of my job is to help clients create a satisfying and meaningful sex life, which necessitates a sex-positive approach. The way I describe “sex-positive” is: All sex is good sex if it’s consensual and pleasurable. From this position of sex-positivity, couples can communicate more specifically about what they’re asking for when they ask for sex. Most beneficially in this scenario, when the partner who has been avoiding sex and craving intimacy understands the expectations around sex, communication opens up and allows the couple to recreate each experience and therefore disengage from the dysfunctional cycle.

Regarding intimacy, my preferred, easy-to-remember definition is, in to me see. Most people who crave intimacy are actually craving curiosity and genuine interest from their partner. They want to feel known and understood. Yes, sometimes it’s about feeling supported around the home, and perhaps being “courted” and romanced. But it almost never involves grand gestures like expensive presents, dates, or trips. Intimacy for many people can be fulfilled by their partner asking the simple question, “How are you?” and truly caring about the answer.

With a continual practice in curiosity, couples create a unique opportunity to find common erotic ground.

2. Create meaning.

This is one of my favorite questions to ask when digging for meaning around sex and intimacy: If our sex life was perfect, I would _____and then you would feel more ________. The first part of the question attends to sex, the second part, intimacy. Is sex a matter of physiological release? Is it about experiencing physical touch? Is it about feeling sexy and powerful? Is it an expression of love? Does it meet a sensual need? Similarly, is intimacy about feeling loved and cared for? Is it about being seen, accepted, and known? Is it sacred or spiritual in some way? Does intimacy equate to vulnerability and being totally open mindfully, bodily, and soulfully?

In addition to the array of answers above, the response I hear most often—from both partners—is that sex and intimacy are about connection. It just so happens that each person is asking for it in a way the other doesn’t understand. With a continual practice in curiosity, which includes radical inquiry of ourselves and our partners, couples create a unique opportunity to find common erotic ground.

3. Be specific.

At this point in your sexual and relational evolution, your partner will better understand how you define sex and intimacy as well as the meaning it confers, but no matter how long you have been together, they still can’t read your mind. Instead of guessing and potentially misreading their cues again, each time you are asking for sex or intimacy, answer these two questions for yourself:

• What do I need to feel?
• How do I want my partner to feel?

There are no wrong answers here! You may need to feel a physiological release and want your partner to enjoy the intense pleasure of a quickie. You may need to feel adored and want your partner to feel powerful. You may need to feel held (so sex actually looks like cuddling) and you want your partner to feel needed. You may want to feel animalistic and want your partner to feel empowered. You may need to feel desired and want your partner to feel appreciated.

Exploring how you feel most connected to your partner is invaluable in increasing sexual and relational satisfaction around the common paradox of sex versus intimacy. By opening up honest, authentic conversation—and setting aside resentment and contempt—you have the opportunity to reimagine a sex life that is, in equal measure, physically and emotionally fulfilling.