What Exactly Is Cuffing Season And When Does It Start?

Katherine DiZio — Thu, 22 Sep 2022 20:02:45 +0000

Originally published @ glam

– Content and imagery reposted with permission –

With the summer coming to an end and fall just a stone’s throw away, it’s time to start thinking about cuffing season. If you’re new to the term, the “cuffing” part should give you some idea as to what it means. Basically, when colder weather arrives, people tend to lock it down — cuff — with one person, because does anyone want to go out and brave the elements when they can stay in and get cozy with a new romantic interest?

“Cuffing season is a period of time in which singles may proactively try to tie down or ‘cuff’ a partner to initiate a more serious, intimate relationship,” therapist Sara Stein tells Bumble. As is the case with the majority of dating trends and terms, “cuffing” and “cuffing season” are fairly new, with the term first making its appearance on Urban Dictionary back in 2011 (via Refinery29). So, are you ready to be cuffed? Maybe you are or maybe you’d rather eschew the whole concept. Here are the details to help you decide.

What’s cuffing season?

Although, yes, it’s the colder seasons that bring out the cuffing, these arrangements or situationships aren’t really meant to last. They’re relationships of convenience thanks to the weather. “People tend to feel more lonely during these months and have higher levels of testosterone, driving people to cuff up,” licensed clinical psychologist Dara Bushman, Psy.D., tells Cosmopolitan. “In the winter, days are shorter and colder — with less outside activity. Feelings of isolation and boredom start to set in.”

While cuffing may conjure up images of people scrambling to find a mate, and maybe even settling for someone they normally wouldn’t want to spend time with, experts say that cuffing season and having a buddy, is actually good for our mental health. “When there’s not as much going on outdoors, not having to be alone indoors in those darker winter months, it’s good for people’s mental health to not be isolated,” certified sex therapist and author of “Reclaiming Pleasure: A Sex-Positive Guide for Moving Past Sexual Trauma and Living a Passionate Life” Dr. Holly Richmond tells Women’s Health. Even if you consider yourself a lone wolf, someone who doesn’t need to be surrounded by people, the reality is that human beings are social creatures, whether we like it or not, so being around people is good for us.

When does cuffing season start?

For the most part, cuffing season slowly starts sometime in October, at least for those above the equator. By November, just in time for Thanksgiving, things start getting a bit more serious, and then by December, cuffing season is in full swing. The weather is officially cold by then and, oh look, the holidays are right around the corner!

“It can be difficult to be single at family gatherings and feel alone when we are bombarded with Christmas Hallmark movies and everyone being in love,” psychologist and licensed marriage and family therapist Christie Kederian, Ed.D., tells Well + Good. “Cuffing season acts as a lifeline to help singles get through the holidays into Valentine’s Day.” Cuffing gives you the opportunity to possibly bring your partner home or at least be able to finally tell Aunt Karen that you actually do have someone special in your life, since, you know, this has been one of her nosy questions ever since you were 15.

But what happens once Valentine’s Day rolls around? Cuffing season ends. Yes, you read that correctly. Of course, there are those connections that managed to build a foundation and evolve into serious relationships, but for those that don’t, Valentine’s Day pretty much marks the beginning of the end, which isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Not everything is meant to last, and when cuffing season has served its purpose, it’s time to let go and find something more substantial.

Valentine’s Day: Managing the pressure

drhllyrchmnd_1uxfzg — Wed, 14 Feb 2018 15:37:18 +0000

Originally published @ CNN

By Ian Kerner

Americans have a love-hate relationship with Valentine’s Day.

Some of us look forward to February 14 as an opportunity to enjoy our partner’s company (and possibly spice things up in the bedroom). Others dread what they consider a commercialized holiday that can put unrealistic pressure on their relationships.

It’s clear that the bar is high: According to one online survey of more than 2,000 respondents, more than 65% plan to show affection on Valentine’s Day, almost 85% believe that having sex is an important part of the holiday, and more than 60% say they will be disappointed if they don’t have sex that day.

With expectations like these, it’s easy to set ourselves up for disappointment. Fortunately, it’s possible to enjoy the day — and night — without creating hurt feelings or breaking the bank.

“Valentine’s Day can serve as a reminder that it’s so important to stop and appreciate the closest relationships in your life,” couples expert and sex therapist Ashley Grinonneau-Denton said. “To me, the holiday has always been a great reminder of the importance of love, attachment, affection and closeness.
“The caveat is, however, that if this special day stands in isolation, it will quickly become a distant memory and will do very little for a couples’ relationship long-term.”

Here’s how to make the most of February 14, whether you’re coupled or single.

Make a plan

It may not seem so, but having a conversation about Valentine’s Day ahead of time can make the actual day much more romantic.

Your new year’s sex resolution: Be less spontaneous

“Talk with your partner about what you’d like out of the holiday and whether you feel Valentine’s Day is important to you,” sex therapist Sari Cooper said. “By beginning the conversation a week or so beforehand, you can co-create a celebration (or not) that is a collaborative event, making compromises for both partners’ desires and creating a realistic plan to ensure both of you feel heard emotionally.”

And remember that the element of surprise isn’t the most important part of the day. “Don’t set your partner up to fail, and don’t keep desires and expectations to yourself,” advised Rachel Needle, a psychotherapist and sex therapist. “Telling your partner ‘I would love to go to Pier 115 for dinner,’ for example, or ‘I would love sunflowers’ doesn’t make them bringing you flowers or taking you to the restaurant any less special.”

Pay attention

Surprise can be a good thing. A little insight into your partner can go a long way by showing them you’ve listened to them. “Consider doing something your partner has told you in the past they wanted to do: a picnic, a walk on the beach, a certain new restaurant,” Needle said. “It doesn’t have to cost a lot of money to be special, but rather it needs to be thoughtful.”

Spice things up

According to that online survey, 55% of the participants indicated that they were willing to try something new sexually on Valentine’s Day. Of course, what that means for you and your partner depends on your particular relationship. “One way to increase intimacy on this holiday is to take a different stance on things and make it all about fun,” sex therapist Francie Stone said.

Are you ‘normal’ in bed?

“You could put together a goodie basket of things like massage oil, a feather, a sexy dice game, a blindfold and more. You can try them all or only the ones you really like, or just use the fun to get started and leave the rest to your individual imaginations.” This helps make the night playful without necessarily the pressure of intercourse.

If you plan on having sex, try doing so before you go out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, sex therapist Tammy Nelson said. “Lots of couples go out to dinner or cook a rich meal at home and drink wine or cocktails to celebrate February 14,” she explained. “After a full meal and drinks, it is less likely that any sex — much less hot sex — will follow.”

Or consider taking sex off the table altogether. “There are so many nerve endings in the lips that are connected to the limbic system and can help create the perfect foreplay for future intimacy encounters,” sexual health counselor Aleece Fosnight said. “A good makeout session that only leads to kissing can leave partners wanting more, creating more intensity for future intimate activities.”

Love yourself

If you’re single, Valentine’s Day can seem like a holiday for everyone else. But you don’t have to feel left out if you’re not in a romantic relationship. Instead, take the opportunity to practice a little self-love.

That could mean indulging in a massage or a new sex toy, dining out with friends or even seeking out companionship. “If you’re single and wouldn’t mind meeting someone but setting up a date on Valentine’s Day feels too staged, Meetup is a fantastic option,” sex therapist Holly Richmond said. “Hundreds of Meetup groups plan special events and activities for Valentine’s Day, but they aren’t necessity geared toward singles coming together to meet other singles.”

Whether you choose to celebrate Valentine’s Day or ignore it, remember that expressing love and affection for your partner shouldn’t be limited to one special day. Take the pressure off the holiday by celebrating your relationship every day.

Valentine’s Day – Dr. Holly Richmond