Mastering the art of oral sex isn’t exactly as straightforward as, let’s say, riding a bike. For starters, all vaginas are shaped slightly differently. In other words, the move that made you the king of cunnilingus in the eyes of your last girlfriend might do virtually nothing for your new flame.
On the bright side, having to reinvent yourself in the sack is an excuse to learn some new tricks. One in particular, the Kivin Method, has been getting lots of praise from the ladies these days. If going down on your woman feels great to her, but never quite pushes her over the edge, this is an oral sex technique you’ll want to try. Here’s an expert’s take on what it is, why it works and how to do it tonight.
What Is the Kivin Method?
In the age of ghosting, benching, orbiting and whatever other dating trend is making the rounds these days, people are always eager to give a name to their romantic experiences — and sex is no different. While there’s no clear answer as to how the Kivin Method got its name, it’s a style of oral that psychologist and certified sex therapist Dr. Holly Richmond has been recommending to her clients for quite some time.
Richmond was thrilled to see the position’s popularity boost, especially since naming it makes it easier to ask for.
“I love the Kivin Method because it gives it a language for women to talk about it with their partners,” she says. “It’s a great position for receiving pleasure — for the clients I recommend this to, many have very positive feedback.”
Though there are not many statistics on this method specifically, in Richmond’s experience, more women say they experience pleasure through the Kivin Method than traditional oral. It also happens to be an effective method to help close the dreaded orgasm gap.
“Female orgasms aren’t about direct penetration,” she explains. “They’re more about clitoral stimulation, and that’s exactly what the Kivin Method does. It’s side lying oral with a clitoral focus. The woman is laying on her back, the man is perpendicular making an L shape. From there, she can either hold her leg up, or pull her leg up to her chest if that’s doable. He’s lying to her right or left, and has access to her clitoris sideways.”
And if her leg gets tired? “If she needs to lay that leg down, he can lean over her leg so he’s not actually putting pressure on it,” she adds. “If it feels good, the woman can pull up her clitoral hood for even more access.”
Why Does the Kivin Method Feel So Good?
So what is about this oral sex technique that has all the women curling their toes? It seems the Kivin Method hits all those spots that aren’t getting the attention they deserve.
“Because the position of the man’s mouth on the woman’s vulva and clitoris is not directly straight-on, it’s giving access to part of the female anatomy that can be overlooked, like the labia majora and labia minora,” says Richmond. “For most women, one side or the other is more sensitive.”
The discovery process involved in executing the Kivin Method can make the experience even more pleasurable.
“Because the Kivin Method is so specific in its positional orientation, it also encourages us to speak up – whether it’s asking do more of that on my left side, or to go a little slower there with a little less pressure,” she adds. Trying something new means you’re both learning as you go, taking the pressure off both partners as you figure out what feels best.
Tips for First Timers Using the Kivin Method
Here’s a pro tip: Don’t just go to town on her after reading this article, gents. Instead, casually bring it up before you both hit the sheets for the best experience. “Ask your partner, would you be down for this? Does this sound interesting?” says Richmond
The communication piece of this is more important than hitting some magic spot, so make sure you’re checking in with your partner throughout to see what feels good. “Every vulva is different, every clitoris is different, every woman is different,” she notes. “If licking feels great, fantastic. If sucking feels great, fantastic. But it’s just about using our voices to feel more sexually empowered.”
Also, there’s a chance your partner might not like this – which, by the way, has nothing to do with you.
“With these techniques and tricks, it’s really to each their own,” adds Richmond. “It might not necessarily be that you’re doing it wrong, it might be that your partner just doesn’t like it … and that’s absolutely fine. Ask her what she does like!”